The Macho Man Space Filler

Whenever taking a public speaking course, the teacher will utter three words he or she refer to as space fillers - like, uh and um. These words are typically spoken when the speaker pauses for a moment and to prevent silence, even if for just a second, the student will resort to one of these space fillers in an attempt to prevent the momentary silence, in thinking they'll sound more intelligent without pause. Unfortunately, it has the direct opposite effect and makes them sound anything but more intelligent. People whom are referred to as valley girls tend to utilize the word "like" in an abundance and as most of us have heard at least one individual whom says "like" in such a manner, I think we can all say with confidence that this individual came across as the polar opposite of a brainiac. As that label tends to refer to women (valley "girl"), I think I've come across a similar space filler for males. That space filler? "...and shit". I don't know if this is some kind of code spoken just amongst males or if it becomes a habit shortly after guys turns 2 years of age or if they had aspirations of becoming rappers. I haven't figured that out quite yet. What I have discovered is when placed in certain situations, that space filler, like the word like, can be quite amusing. Let me give a few examples, along with my reactions, of course:

Setting: A Wedding

Pastor Shaft: "Do you take Harietta to be your your lawfully wedded wife, to love and cherish her? In sickness and in health? For better or for worse? Until death do you part and sh*t?"

Herman: "I do and sh*t."

My reaction:  I think it's official that Harietta has found herself a winner. Not only does Herman take her to be his wife, he's also been potty trained. Her standards were quite lofty, but Herman pulled through in the end, well, as far as we know. There are still questions pertaining to the gift Herman's parents bought for the newly-married-childless couple - a lifetime supply of Huggies.


Setting: Arrest

Officer Jelly: "Mike Johnson, you have the right to remain silent and sh*t..."

My reaction: Mr. Jelly may want to exclude those last two words, for if Mike does indeed sh*t, I have a hunch there won't be much silence following that event, from the officer's end or the sh*tter's.


Setting: Church

Father Pile: "Jesus loves you. He died for you and sh*t."

My reaction: I certainly hope Christianity's savior can partake in the act of sh*tting. If not, I'm not sure I could believe he existed. Although, if he did exist and wasn't able to do the deed, perhaps I'd be more inclined to believe he did work miracles, that or I'd be extremely worried that he'd explode at any moment.


Setting: Karaoke

Lois: "...and IIIIIIIIIII-eeeee-IIIIII will always love youuuuuuuuuu and sh*t..."

My reaction: Actually, I think these may have been the very lyrics to the cover of this song, done by Bobby Brown, in trying to save his marriage with Whitney Houston.


Setting: Proposal

Jimmy: "I've been thinking about this for a long time and I love you. I've never felt this way about anyone before and more than anything in this world, I want for us to be together until death do us part. What I'm trying to say is, Daria, will you marry me and sh*t?"

My reaction: That's deep. That's romance. That's love right there. I'm thinking I smell a Dane Cook-Jessica Simpson romantic comedy in the works here, entitled, "I Love You Like So Much and Sh*t".