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What I learned in Week 4 of the NFL Season

In Week 4 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...it's likely being proposed that the league supply all quarterbacks with a lifetime supply of Huggies.

- ...Earl Thomas is a practicing member of the MFCC (Middle Finger Cardio Club).

- ..., after their performance against the New England Patriots on Sunday, the Miami Dolphins are thinking about changing their team nickname to the Beached Whales.

- ...overtimes are now more common than Stephen A. Smith yelling about auditioning as a mime in his sleep.

- ...the "Steel Curtain" is now made of already-torn paper.

- ...it ain't over until it's over, unless you're the Atlanta Falcons and are up by fewer than 7 points with under 10 seconds left to play. Then you've lost.

- ...NFL teams will soon invest in human cloning, with Khalil Mack being the primary focus. The secondary focus will be on Tim Tebow for waterboy.

- ..., for a limited time only, you can purchase a bottle of Fitz Magic in the Tampa area. The positive effects last up to 3 weeks. Side effects include: A beard so long and thick, 95% of male porn stars will be jealous.

- ...The Rams' next April Fool's Day prank on Jared Goff will likely be an announcement they're bringing Jeff Fisher back to coach him.

- ...Contributing to the Fumbling of a Quarterback is apparently illegal in the state of California.
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