What I learned in Week 5 of the NFL season

What I learned in Week 5 of the NFL season

In Week 5 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...Tom Brady gives a whole new meaning to the term "Michigan math."

- ..., if Tom Brady wrote the Gettysburg Address, he'd start it by saying, "Four fingers and seven downs ago..."

- ...the Monica Seles grunt sounds like a whisper when compared to the sound Drew Brees makes when throwing the ball more than 3 yards.

- ..., when it comes to his near hairdo, Chris Berman did "go all the waaay!"

- ..., if this were slow-pitch softball, Philip Rivers would have been demoted to bat-boy.

- ..., the way COVID is spreading within the organization, you'd think the Tennessee Titans were part of the Trump administration.

- ..., when seeing a man get decapitated in a film, Tony Romo is rumored to say, "Hopefully, that's just a paper-cut."

- ..., with how they're playing, the 2020 49ers may soon get 86ed.

- ...it's becoming increasingly obvious that Andy Reid is trying to make face-shields sexy again.

- ..., when going through a sobriety test, instead of asking Tom Brady to recite the alphabet backwards, the cop asks him to count to 5.