What I learned in Week 7 of the NFL season

In Week 7 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ..., due to him falling untouched, with no one around him, New York City cops will now refer to the sobriety test as the Daniel Jones test.

- ..., after accounting for all his team's points in their win against the New York Jets, for the first time in history, a Buffalo Bills kicker is going to get laid.

- ..., from this point forward, when someone gets caught picking their nose, the proper response will be, "Another pick? Damn, man, who are you, Cam Newton?"

- ..., to everyone's surprise, since the back-and-forths were seemingly constant and the climax was great, many people are referring to the Cleveland Browns-Cincinnati Bengals game from Sunday as porn.

- ..., the Dallas Cowboys are so beat up, people are mistaking them for the New York Jets.

- ...the NFC East is so bad, Michigan State's thinking about joining.

- ...20 years from now, when being asked what his greatest regret in life is, Todd Gurley will respond, "Accidentally scoring a touchdown to give my team the lead late in the 4th quarter."

- ...Melvin Gordon pitches a ball back to the quarterback about as well as Stevie Wonder juggles bowling balls.

- ...the Houston Texans' defense is so easy, even I could score with, I mean on them...

- ...the Kansas City Chiefs score so many different ways, Kama Sutra is taking notes.