The Daily Show's "Moment of Zen" cracked me up last night. The show's nightly final segment featured Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert (Republican), who, when speaking about illegal immigration said this:
"Come some night with me and sit out at the border, one, two, three in the morning - dogs, tarantulas, scorpions, rattlesnakes..."
For some reason, when hearing Gohmert utter this line, I immediately thought of a strange personal ad:
"If interested, I'd love for you to join me on a long romantic walk on the beach..."
Instead of using that cliched line, however, Gohmert went a different route. In fact, when reading that line again, I envision Gohmert engaging in the following back-and-forth with a woman on a dating site:
Pattie B. Kinky: "What was your name again, big boy?"
Louie Gohmert: "Louie, Louie Goh... You can just call me Louie."
Pattie: "So, Louie, what do you like to do for fun, if you know what I mean?"
Louie: "Oh, you know - the usual: Watching reality television, eating fast food, hunting squirrels, getting my kids to try and teach me how to read gooder."
Pattie: "That's not what I meant. Anyway, so, do you like romancing a woman?"
Louie: "I'm the most romantic guy this side of Rush Limbaugh if that tells you anything!"
Pattie: "Hasn't he been married a few times?"
Louie: "Yup - that's because the women love him. He's known as Mr. Romance. Why he hasn't gotten a leading role in one of those rom-crom Hollywood movies is beyond me!"
Pattie: "I like you, Louie. How would you like to go out sometime? Would you like that? Would you like to romance me? How would you do it?"
Louie: "You know what? Yes, I would love that, Pattie B. Kinky. I've got the perfect idea too! I've always wanted to do this with a woman..."
Pattie: "Really? Is it getting hot in here?"
Louie: "Well, we are in Texas, and it is August, so yeah, probably."
Pattie: "No... Nevermind... Please go on... What were you going to say? How will you romance me, sweep me off my feet, and get me in ultimate mood for..."
Louie: ::cuts her off:: "Alright, I'll tell you. Come some night with me and sit out at the border, one, two, three in the morning - dogs, tarantulas, scorpions, rattlesnakes..."
Pattie: "That sounds, mm, interesting..."
Louie: "I know - don't it? So, what do you say?"
Pattie: "I say you can check out those dogs, tarantulas, scorpions, and rattlesnakes by yourself. I'm in desperate need of a 'snake,' but not one that rattles! Goodbye!"
:: blocks him ::
Louie: ::mumbles to himself:: "What? Did I say something wrong? Hmm... I just don't get women sometimes."
http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/o05dzv/moment-of-zen---come-to-the-border-with-me
"Come some night with me and sit out at the border, one, two, three in the morning - dogs, tarantulas, scorpions, rattlesnakes..."
For some reason, when hearing Gohmert utter this line, I immediately thought of a strange personal ad:
"If interested, I'd love for you to join me on a long romantic walk on the beach..."
Instead of using that cliched line, however, Gohmert went a different route. In fact, when reading that line again, I envision Gohmert engaging in the following back-and-forth with a woman on a dating site:
Pattie B. Kinky: "What was your name again, big boy?"
Louie Gohmert: "Louie, Louie Goh... You can just call me Louie."
Pattie: "So, Louie, what do you like to do for fun, if you know what I mean?"
Louie: "Oh, you know - the usual: Watching reality television, eating fast food, hunting squirrels, getting my kids to try and teach me how to read gooder."
Pattie: "That's not what I meant. Anyway, so, do you like romancing a woman?"
Louie: "I'm the most romantic guy this side of Rush Limbaugh if that tells you anything!"
Pattie: "Hasn't he been married a few times?"
Louie: "Yup - that's because the women love him. He's known as Mr. Romance. Why he hasn't gotten a leading role in one of those rom-crom Hollywood movies is beyond me!"
Pattie: "I like you, Louie. How would you like to go out sometime? Would you like that? Would you like to romance me? How would you do it?"
Louie: "You know what? Yes, I would love that, Pattie B. Kinky. I've got the perfect idea too! I've always wanted to do this with a woman..."
Pattie: "Really? Is it getting hot in here?"
Louie: "Well, we are in Texas, and it is August, so yeah, probably."
Pattie: "No... Nevermind... Please go on... What were you going to say? How will you romance me, sweep me off my feet, and get me in ultimate mood for..."
Louie: ::cuts her off:: "Alright, I'll tell you. Come some night with me and sit out at the border, one, two, three in the morning - dogs, tarantulas, scorpions, rattlesnakes..."
Pattie: "That sounds, mm, interesting..."
Louie: "I know - don't it? So, what do you say?"
Pattie: "I say you can check out those dogs, tarantulas, scorpions, and rattlesnakes by yourself. I'm in desperate need of a 'snake,' but not one that rattles! Goodbye!"
:: blocks him ::
Louie: ::mumbles to himself:: "What? Did I say something wrong? Hmm... I just don't get women sometimes."
http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/o05dzv/moment-of-zen---come-to-the-border-with-me
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