The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Former George W. Bush speechwriter and current conservative columnist Marc A. Thiessen seems to be taking a course in Wishful Thinking 101 right now, given his most recent Press Herald  piece, "Mueller probe could turn out to be a disaster - for the Democrats." Thiessen starts his column with this: "All of Washington is focused on the political peril President Trump faces from Robert Mueller's investigation. But the Mueller probe could very well turn out to be a disaster, not for Trump, but for the Democrats." ...and that's where we begin. Okay, Mr. Thiessen, let's hear your attempt at hypothetical rationalization, as if there were such a thing... "The Special counsel was appointed to investigate whether Trump engaged in criminal conspiracy with Russia to win the 2016 presidential election. If Mueller finds incontrovertible evidence of a criminal conspiracy between Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin, then the president will be - and ...

This just in: Donald Trump's name has been mentioned more in the news these past few weeks than the word and has appeared in news articles in that same time-span. While most in the media have agreed that Trump is loud, oddly entertaining, and good for sound bites, not many seem to be in agreement on just how seriously we should take the businessman's presidential run and how serious of a contender he is for the 2016 election. Late-night talk show hosts have loved every minute of Trump's presidential run to this point. His big announcement even brought David Letterman out of retirement for a single night to read off a Top Ten List at the Republican candidate's expense, and had The Daily Show 's Jon Stewart pondering whether it was the right decision to leave the show just yet. To such personalities, Trump is comedy gold, nothing more, nothing less, and they'll milk his often times comical campaign for as long as time will allow. However, I've heard more se...

Okay, so perhaps that's just wishful thinking on my part, but in any case, it appears as if Donald Trump is going to run for president, joining the other 9,473 Republicans running for the highest office in the land. This has to thrill the likes of Jon Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Larry Wilmore, and the rest of the late-night talk show gang. Under comedy gold in the dictionary should be a picture of Donald Trump's "hairpiece" (or whatever that thing is), with the words "I'm running for president" directly underneath it. Yes, after hearing the news a few minutes ago, Jon Stewart was likely seen at his desk in deep contemplation, picking the petals off a daisy, as he recited lyrics to The Clash song, "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" It's still unknown at this time whether the final petal signified that he should stay or go. Segueing from that, I thought I'd have a little fun with some Donald Trump quotes. Keep in mind as you read ...

“Prayers Unanswered” We thank you for poverty, Thank you for war, Thank you for cancer, For answering our prayers, For hurricanes, For pollution, We thank you for crime, For answering our prayers, For the AIDS epidemic in Africa, Thank you for the earthquake in Japan, Terrorist attacks in the Middle East, For answering our prayers, Clasping our hands, Closing our eyes, Wishes directed toward you, Hoping to stay alive, The sun rises in the morning, Some never awaken, Forever clasping our hands, Wondering if you’ll ever listen.

A while back, someone I know had been getting very lucky with certain things. It seemed as if they'd been catching all the breaks. So, I said, "Hey, you should go pay a buck or two and get a lotto scratch card" or whatever those things are called (shows how much I play). Her response? "Sometimes I think God doesn't want me to have money." I thought maybe she was talking about something else, so I said, "What? What do you mean?" She replied with, "I've never won anything before." I was going, "I know some people who have won more than their share of money, but they also spend more than they win or they lose it again to the slot machines. Do you think 'God' wanted them to have money?" I don't like that mentality. It's the mental state of putting your entire life into a supernatural being's hands and giving up. When I was born, should I have muttered to myself, "I don't think God wants me ...