The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

If Benghazi were a woman, she would have filed a restraining order against Fox News a long time ago, and won. Fox seems more obsessed with Benghazi than the Chicago Cubs are about disappointing fans and meteorologists are about getting forecasts wrong. While CNN could probably change their name to MAN, or the Malaysian Airlines Network, Fox News could just change their name to BBS, or Benghazi Bullsh*t. It seems that regardless of the story at hand, Fox will find a way to link the story to Benghazi, or at least find an awkward segue. I imagine even after the anchors' programs end, they find ways to bring up Benghazi daily in the real world. While these following discussions may seem a bit far-fetched, sadly enough, watch Fox News for 15 minutes at any point throughout the day and you'll probably realize they're not that drastic of exaggerations after all. Event: Fox News program Anchor #1: "So, how about those Miami Heat? Coming off two straight NBA championships, ...

Strange stories seem to follow me wherever I go. This is especially true when I go to bars on Friday or Saturday nights. For a while there, Vegas odds were at 1 : 1 that I would get asked by at least one person if I was gay. These were typically complete strangers, whom, after talking to me for 5 minutes, felt the need to ask what my sexuality was. There was another time when a woman at a bachelorette party pointed over in my direction, walked over, grabbed me by the head, and tried to french kiss me. A drunk woman tried setting me up with her mother at another point, who seemed embarrassed by it. Not too long ago, I got hit on by a married Jewish woman and a Hispanic guy the same night. Yes, for whatever reason, strange situations seem to follow me around like paparazzi's do celebrities.  This trend continued last Wednesday night when some family of mine and I went out for a bit. Some family of mine came into town that afternoon for Thanksgiving weekend and we headed to a benef...

So, I rejected another woman this past Friday night, who had been making advances on me and wanted me to go home with her. She was single and attractive, but I just don't do that. Upon hearing about this, a person at the bar where I was sitting, said in a rather flabbergasted tone, "I'm about to give up on you. What, do you not believe in pre-marital sex?" I responded with, "No, it's not that. It's..." ...before someone interjected and said, "He's just particular!" The original speaker then said, "Well, do you go to church?" I responded with a, "No, I'm not religious." He then said, "Well, you're not going to find a woman like that in a bar." I replied with, "I don't look for women when I go to bars." Just before walking away, he said, "You're doomed." So, that's me - an agnostic, whom most people who know me would say has Christian-like values. The gu...

Yeah, that's right. It happened a few years ago. I was at a restaurant/bar with a friend of mine and she bumped into this gal she worked with. This gal asked my friend if I was her sister. I can just imagine the look on my face when she asked this. I know the flat-chested, goatee-sporting, deep-voiced look has been the in-thing to do for many years in the woman’s world, but still… I really wonder how hammered this girl was. Perhaps I'm just saying that in hope, but I'm going to believe it whether she was or not! Okay, I can understand if I had a large chest, wore make-up, lipstick, did my nails, wore attire commonplace in the woman's world, etc. But, none of those things coincide with how I present myself. Large chest? No. Make-up? Nada. Lipstick? None. Paint my nails? Not a single one. What kind of clothes did I wear? Jeans, sneakers, and a sweatshirt. Facial hair? A goatee. Voice? Deep. I'm quite confused on how she mixed us up. At work the following day, I gu...