1) Social Security Trumped at 200: The main reason Joe Biden dropped out of the 2024 presidential race was because of his ubiquitously panned debate performance against Donald Trump. What stood out to most viewers was not the contrast in policy proposals; it was the contrast in energy. Joe Biden looked and sounded old. Donald Trump, while old, possessed a much greater level of energy. That was one of his calling cards throughout the campaign - "Look and listen to Biden; he's old. He falls down. He has dementia. Look how much younger I appear than him." The first thing I noticed on Tuesday night was how old Trump looked and sounded. Gone was the enthusiasm. Gone was the energy. He sounded weak, tired, ill. There's been much speculation regarding his health throughout his first month and a half in office. From hand bruises, to trouble walking, to a significant decrease in spoken pace, rumors have circulated - anything from heart problems to syphilis. I can't confir...
The Top Ten Things I Expect to See at King Trump's State of the Union Address Tonight 10. On at least one occasion, Trump will brag, "I only fire the best people, just the best people, folks." 9. Trump will coin the term "cryptilfluffernickel." 8. Instead of a standing ovation, any time Congressional Republicans want to cheer in response to their Dear Leader's rhetoric, they start (or perhaps continue) masturbating. (Exception being Lauren Boebert, who jerks off whomever is next to her.) 7. Trump gets erect any time he utters the words 'Russia' or 'Putin.' Luckily for us, no one will be able to witness this. Yes, it's that small. 6. Melania will create an account on the dating site, "AnythingButThis.com." 5. House Speaker Mike Johnson places a Burger King crown on Trump's melon, and Drumpf then goes on about how it's "the biggest, strongest, most expensive crown the world has ever known." He then proceeds to ea...