The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

As most people know, Indiana and basketball go together like Jared Fogle and Bill Cosby. Texas Senator Ted Cruz tried winning over residents of the Hoosier state by recreating a scene from the classic film by the same name ( Hoosiers ), but failed miserably. During his speech, Cruz said, "You know, the amazing thing is that basketball ring here in Indiana, it's the same height as it is in New York City and every other place in the country." That's right, Ted Cruz referred to a basketball hoop as a basketball ring. Going by that line of thinking, the Texas senator once gave his wife a wedding hoop. Given his obvious vast knowledge of sports, expect him to utter the following lines in the future: - "I love baseball, especially the over-the-wall ball. It's amazing how far those guys can hit those things!" - "When the Patriots kicker kicked the ball through those giant yellow chopsticks to win the game, that was awesome!" - "Why don...

Via Stephen Colbert's Late Show , it came to my attention last night that Republican presidential frontrunner Donald Trump recently said he'd eliminate the DEP, or the Department of Environmental. No, no such department exists, and no, DEP couldn't stand for Department of Environmental even if there were such a thing. Given that, expect Trump to mention eliminating the following departments at some point during his campaign: - Department of Acupuncture - Department of Commercials - Department of Deportation - Department of Energy Drinks - Department of Extramarital Affairs - Department of Health and Human Cervixes - Department of Homegrown Maturity - Department of Housing and Urban Development (the DMV) - Department of Incense - Department of the Inferior - Department of Jaundice - Department of the Lakers - Department of Menstruation - Department of Spades - Department of Treasure Chests http://www.ibtimes.com/donald-trump-department-environ...

During his speech at Liberty University, the Jerry Falwell-founded Christian college, GOP presidential frontrunner Donald Trump referred to 2 Corinthians (Second Corinthians) as "Two Corinthians." Yes, he's smooth. Given that flub, expect The Donald to utter the following lines in the future, if he hasn't already: - "My favorite day of the year is probably the 25 of December, you know, being Christmas and all." - "What time is it? Is it 4th:30 yet? I have an appointment." - "I'm a big big fan of the Constitution. My favorite part is probably the Two Amendment." - "Hey driver, why are you going so slow? The speed limit here is 65th. Hurry it up!" - "This is a great game, man. I love football. I mean, we're late in the 4 quarter, it's tied. What down is it? It was 1 and 10 before and they got 4th yards, so now it's 2 and 6, I believe." http://www.aol.com/article/2016/01/18/donald-trump-flubs-b...

After listening to former President George W. Bush speak for 8 years while in the Oval Office, it was easy to see why he was often labeled as less bright than his brother Jeb. However, after hearing Jeb speak on the campaign trail this year, not to mention in debates, one has to wonder if the gap in intelligence between the two brothers is less than we had originally thought. The latest such example came at a campaign event in Lexington, South Carolina, where the "brighter" Bush said this: "In fact when I was governor, in 16 months we had eight hurricanes and four tropical storms. One of them was called Katrina. I don't know why your great state senator reminds me of a hurricane. But she does." That's right, Jeb Bush basically referred to Democratic South Carolina state Senator Katrina Shealy as Hurricane Katrina. Not only does this look bad from the standpoint Jeb is nicknaming a state senator after one of the most horrific hurricanes to ever hit the ...

Tinder CEO Sean Rad has come under fire for a recent interview he had with UK's Evening Standard . Here are just a few of the things Rad said in the interview: - "[This woman is] someone really, really famous [who] has been begging me for sex and I've been like, no." - "[I'm addicted to Tinder]. Every other week I fall in love with a new girl." - "[Tinder isn't responsible for the so-called hook-up culture]. Feminism has led to it because now women are more independent and pursuing their desires. And that leads to both parties being more sexually active. It's not because of Tinder." ...and here is my favorite quote of them all: - "Apparently there's a term for someone who gets turned on by intellectual stuff. You know, just talking. What's the word? ... I want to say 'sodomy'?'" Actually the term for that, Mr. Rad, is sapiosexuality. Sodomy is defined as, "Anal or oral copulation with a mem...