The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

Why is it so many like to say they're politically incorrect? After uttering something which only a handful of people the world over might find offensive, they'll say, "I'm not one of those politically-correct folks." It almost comes across like a hybrid of bragging and a just-in-case defense: "Yeah, I'm a bad boy, but if you are offended, I didn't really mean anything by it." My issue with any such statement is, if the person truly is what they say they are, why do they feel the need to say it? "I'm not a racist, but..." Okay, good, but if you're not a racist, why do you feel the need to tell those around you? "I'm not a sexist, but..." That's fantastic, but why do I get the hunch you're about to say something sexist, making your claim moot? "I'm not one of those politically-correct folks..." In this case, at least the person is being honest (to a certain degree), but still, what's the ...

I read a story earlier this year about a woman in Tennessee naming her child Messiah. While I believe the woman has a right to name her child this, I have to wonder why in the world any parent would want to name their child Messiah. Talk about pressure... While the mother is at it, she should name her other kids King, Champion, Winner, and Best. If the child makes a name for himself, though (good or bad), he could make for some humorous headlines, such as the following: - "Messiah Prays to Self After Scoring a Touchdown" - "Messiah Wins Best Rap Album at the Grammy's" - "Messiah Caught in a Love Triangle with Mary and Cinnamon" - "Messiah Caught Stealing Panties from Victoria's Secret Again" - "Messiah Stars in the Porno Moan My Name " - "Messiah Arrested for Streaking Around a Church" - "Messiah Comes Out of the Closet" - "Messiah Shunned By Church for Supporting Abortion Rights" ...

Ever go to a bar for a bit, observe a bartender, interact with him or her, and walk out wondering why they're a bartender? I've run into this scenario on three occasions. One bartender was just extremely rude and after receiving several complaints, she got fired for that very reason. Another bartender just wasn't very social - he lacked the bartender personality, and even though he tried, the job just didn't seem to suit him well. Unsurprisingly, last I heard, he was doing something completely different with his life. That brings me to the third bartender - the one I know the best of all three, largely due to the fact I attend this pub about once every 2-3 weeks. While I'll admit that for the most part, the guy does work hard, he simply comes across as the anti-bartender bartender.  Almost any "expert" in the field of bartending will say the five most important qualities for a great bartender to possess are: Multitasking, communication, organization...

As long-time readers will know, I'm an ardent opponent of college football preseason rankings. What may be even more ridiculous is seeing NFL preseason rankings, especially those primarily based on teams' preseason performances. Yeah, based on preseason records, we could possibly see the Cleveland Browns square off against the Arizona Cardinals in the Super Bowl, or the Geno Smith-led New York Jets against the Washington Redskins, who were without starting quarterback Robert Griffin III for all four preseason games, yet won them all. That brings me to Frank Schwab of Yahoo Sports , who just released his NFL power rankings before any team has played a regular season game. Here are some of Schwab's rankings and observations: 22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: "And still, after four preseason games, the Buccaneers remain the toughest team to predict in the NFL." After four preseason games of playing 2nd- and 3rd-stringers more than starters, just about every team is...

Every now and again, I bump into someone (usually a guy) who at least partially blames rape victims for the crime. I can just imagine the look on my face as I'm hearing the partial defense of rapists - one which religious mothers may give after they've lost their voice and caught their son masturbating - confused, silent, shocked, and disgusted. Of course, when hearing such opinions, it always starts like this: "Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that rape is right or anything, but come on... I mean..." ...and then comes the alleged rationale of the rapists and the critique of the victims. "When a woman wears something like that and shows that much skin, she's just seeking attention and what's a guy to think?" Sure, she may want to get looked at, but seeking attention as far as admiring eyes goes is far different than forced sexual intercourse. "She got wasted. She put herself in that position." I don't care how d...

I've written about this a couple of times before, but after reading through some very personal Facebook statuses today, I have to ask, must we share everything on social networking sites? I have friends, family, even a girlfriend, but after I experience things with them, I don't feel the need to tell the world every last detail about them. If anything, I may briefly mention a happening and find a way to be stimulate laughter by integrating humor. This is especially the case with my relationship. Granted, my girlfriend and I aren't too fond of romantic comedies and romance novels. This is especially the case with her. Yes, I like romantic comedies more than my girlfriend. In any case, you're not going to see us typing the following statuses at any point in the future: "X years ago today, I began a wonderful journey with my one true love - (name). He's/She's the most perfect boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife anyone could ever ask for, and I'm forever ...

I often times hear people resort to the Bible when it comes to making decisions, especially moral ones. I've also heard many such individuals claim that without religion, we'd experience moral chaos. I guess my question is why do so many people seem to depend on an ancient book for moral guidance? Why can't we think about things for ourselves and actually decide based on what we personally feel is right? It's not like I need the Bible's Commandment of "Thou shalt not kill" to know it's not acceptable to go around killing people. Setting: Awaking in bed some random morning My thoughts: "Hmm... I wonder who I should kill today. It is a Monday, so I'm pretty pissed off at the world right now. I could go a number of different directions. Let's see what God has to say..." ::reads the Ten Commandments:: My thoughts: "Crap! Thou shalt not kill? What the hell is up with that? Even on Mondays? God! Well, I guess I'll have to...

I get that most everyone believes their children, nieces, and nephews are adorable and special in some kind of way, unlike all the other kids. This is perfectly understandable. These are the people we spend time with and love. I'm sure I'll feel the same way when my niece is born in approximately three months. However, there is a significant amount of bias in play with such thoughts and feelings, and that brings me to what inspired this blog in the first place - biased and exaggerated Facebook posts concerning child relatives. One I read today said, "Fun fact: My nephew is cuter than yours. Sorry about that, but not really." This wasn't the first time I read such a status. I guess my question is, why? Why do some people feel the need to declare that their child relative(s) are superior to all others in one way or another? Why can't we just love our children, nieces, and nephews regardless? Why must it be a competition? So long as the children we raise grow...

I seriously thought an article I read this morning was by The Onion when I first saw it, but I guess it's the real deal. Action-film legend Chuck Norris wrote an op-ed column on the conservative site Newsbusters encouraging the Jacksonville Jaguars to sign former New York Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow. In the column, Norris wrote: "Tebow is a player who rises to the occasion and delivers big in critical moments. He reminds me of myself when I used to compete in martial arts." I'm sure, at his age, Norris does rise to the occasion, thanks to Viagra. Seriously, though, why in the world would an NFL football team take the advice from an elderly former movie star on who they should sign? ...and why would this former movie star think they would heed his advice? In my mind, this is what Chuck Norris should have written in the column: "I may not have played high school football, college ball, pro ball, or even watched the sport very much, but I know a ...

I talked about this some last week, mainly regarding the TV show Psych , but have to say that in an even broader sense, I've never been one to care much for sitcom romances. I know that probably makes me a "communist" in some people's eyes, but for some strange reason, I watch sitcoms for one reason and one reason only - laughter. If I wanted to watch romance, I'd tune into a drama, a soap opera, or a local bar by the name of Gettin' Lucky Tonight . The tricky part about integrating a heavy-duty romance into a sitcom is that romances take a great deal of time to develop on screen and sitcoms only run for between 20 and 25 minutes (excluding commercials) per episode. If a romance is to be integrated, the writers and actors want to provide a somewhat believable time-table for things to progress between the two actors and like I said, this takes time. Unfortunately, this process typically dominates the show until the couple appears to be believably content and ...

My girlfriend and I got into a discussion about this a couple weeks ago. It's something I've wondered about for some time. While I've never sported just a mustache myself, I did go the way of the goatee several years ago for a little while. I honestly don't have strong feelings one way or the other. Whatever one wants to do in terms of facial hair is their call. But, what is it with this alleged link between mustaches and perverts/pedophiles/molesters? I've heard or read about it on a number of occasions - someone saying that another looks like a pervert/pedophile/molester. I ask why and they respond with, "Did you see that guy's mustache?" Yeah... So...? Wasn't there a time when mustaches were seen as cool, even sexy? Clark Gable and Burt Reynolds of yesteryear? Johnny Depp more recently? So, what happened? Now, as unfair as it is, I have a hard time seeing anyone successfully pulling off the Hitler mustache again. Michael Jordan gave it a whirl i...

I both love and loathe many holidays. I love them for the simple fact they can provide me with a day off, and also give me an excuse to spend time with extended family. However, when thinking about the traditions of many, I have to scratch my head, and ask, "Why?" Groundhog Day is such a day for me. It gives me a reason to spend time with family and watch the film by the same name for the 37th time. However, what does this holiday revolve itself around? A groundhog, based on whether or not the sun is out at that time of the day, predicting whether or not we'll have an early spring. What is the groundhog's rate of accuracy? Just 39%. The groundhog is wrong 3 times out of every 5. That's worse than most meteorologists...barely. I don't know what's sadder, the fact we celebrate a day looking to a groundhog for all the answers regarding when spring will start, or that I'm seriously wondering if the groundhog's forecasts are more accurate than our act...

Musician Ernest Evans, better known as Chubby Checker and the song "The Twist," is suing Hewlett Packard over an application. The app is called "The Chubby Checker" and what does it do exactly? Measures penis size. When I read this article, I semi-ignored Chubby Checker's beef with the application at first. All I could focus my attention on was the app itself. Really? We've really gotten to that point? I heard the other week that there's an app for hooking up with friends and now there's one to measure penis size? Since Chubby Checker's biggest song is the before-mentioned "The Twist" and there's now an application with his name that measure penis size, I may never hear "The Twist" in the same way again. Whenever that song comes on, I'll have to try and shake out the image of men doing the twist in the nude and shaking their penises all about. On that note, I may have to see a shrink soon. http://www.huffingtonpo...

Let's be honest - Jesus loved guns. For in the book of NotActually, chapter 6, verses 66-68, Jesus said: "Only pussies turn the other cheek. I say shoot those no good motherf***ers down, yo. Amen." I only say this because this past Monday, the Arkansas state Senate passed a bill which will allow people to carry concealed guns in churches. The bill is called the Church Protection Act of 2013 (SB-71) and passed by a very convincing 28-4 margin. It'll need to pass the state House of Representatives and be signed by Governor Mike Beebe to become law. Part of the bill reads as follows: "It is found and determined by the General Assembly of the State of Arkansas that personal security is increasingly important; that the Second Amendment of the Constitution of the United States ensures a person's right to bear arms; and that this act is immediately necessary because a person should be allowed to carry a firearm in a church that permits the carrying of a fi...

I for one love research, love studies; I just love learning. However, every now and again, a study comes along where I feel the need to cry out the word "why?" A recently released Czech study is one such case. About three weeks ago, a Czech study revealed the following finding - men with brown eyes are viewed as more trustworthy than those with blue eyes. Yes, this was the lone finding. The study's researcher - Karel Kleisner - had this to say with regard to the findings (well, finding - it's singular): "Eye color is something superficial, and nobody would expect there is a deeper association with the structure of the bones. We were a little bit surprised." I guess my question is, what about people with green eyes, black eyes, hazel eyes, etc.? Why was the study focused on just blue and brown eyes? Congratulations - we now know that people with brown eyes are more trusted (for whatever reason) than those with blue eyes. We still don't know how they...

In light of a presidential election, I seriously wonder how many times it's been said that if the "other" candidate wins, a person may move to Canada. I heard this preceding the 2004 election, as well as the one in 2008 and am again hearing that same declaration this year in the run-up to November's election. With that in mind, I wonder how many people have actually followed through on the matter. I'm guessing the number is quite high for the people who have talked the talked, yet quite low on following through with what they said. I'll be awaiting scientific studies regarding the matter in the coming days. Why is it always Canada? Why not Mexico? Puerto Rico? Jamaica? Texas, if it becomes its own country? Why Canada? As I've only heard this when living in Nebraska and Ohio, perhaps it's different down in the south and instead of claiming they'll move to Canada if X candidate wins an election, they choose a warmer foreign country to inhabit....

...when those whom are 99.9% certain of something, that one-tenth of a percentage usually represents a much larger number than is stated? ...when those whom let out the big "P" (promise) or "L" word (love), it's only honest and sincere about once every two times said? ...that narrow minds and large mouths usually go together? ...when one is blind to problems of their own and outspoken on those very same problems pertaining to others? ...considered moral to believe religious tall tales, yet considered loony to believe conspiracy theories? ...considered unpatriotic to question authority, yet patriotic to express one's first amendment rights? ...that the worst tasting alcoholic drinks are considered macho? ...that immigrants whom take and pass the test to become legal then probably know more about this country than born citizens? ...we look up to figures in society for their status alone when all we know about them is their status? ...we seem ...