Ann Coulter - To be named the sexiest transgender alien in the new magazine Almost Human
Rob Ford - To consume more Coca-Cola than cocaine
Mitt Romney - To audition for the part of Johnny 5 in a remake of the film Short Circuit
Rick Santorum - To introduce a new cologne featuring his last name and the tagline, "Rubbing Santorum on your body never smelled so good."
Dane Cook - To tell a knock-knock joke that lasts under 25 minutes
Adam Sandler - To star in a film which is watched by more people from the ages of 15 to 17 than those 13 to 14
Megyn Kelly - To search the world for the real Santa Claus to prove the fictional being is white
Eli Manning - To win the Super Bowl on Madden on rookie level with his New York Giants
Tim Tebow - To win a contest called Can You Throw a Football Better Than a 3-Year Old?
Ted Cruz - To prove Obamacare was responsible for the Holocaust
Weatherpeople - To be right 5% of the time
Chuck Norris - To prove he can do one of the many things people say he can do
Hugh Grant - To play a character that doesn't rhyme with the words pew slant
Phil Robertson - To write a book called How I Know Jesus Loves Everyone But Hates Gays
Charlie Sheen - To appear on Duck Dynasty and just before the end of the show, look around at the cast of characters and say, "...and here you thought I was f**kin' crazy? Winning!"
Rob Ford - To consume more Coca-Cola than cocaine
Mitt Romney - To audition for the part of Johnny 5 in a remake of the film Short Circuit
Rick Santorum - To introduce a new cologne featuring his last name and the tagline, "Rubbing Santorum on your body never smelled so good."
Dane Cook - To tell a knock-knock joke that lasts under 25 minutes
Adam Sandler - To star in a film which is watched by more people from the ages of 15 to 17 than those 13 to 14
Megyn Kelly - To search the world for the real Santa Claus to prove the fictional being is white
Eli Manning - To win the Super Bowl on Madden on rookie level with his New York Giants
Tim Tebow - To win a contest called Can You Throw a Football Better Than a 3-Year Old?
Ted Cruz - To prove Obamacare was responsible for the Holocaust
Weatherpeople - To be right 5% of the time
Chuck Norris - To prove he can do one of the many things people say he can do
Hugh Grant - To play a character that doesn't rhyme with the words pew slant
Phil Robertson - To write a book called How I Know Jesus Loves Everyone But Hates Gays
Charlie Sheen - To appear on Duck Dynasty and just before the end of the show, look around at the cast of characters and say, "...and here you thought I was f**kin' crazy? Winning!"
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