As I've stated before, "cheating" is often times a shades-of-grey kind of issue, and the definition often times differs from person to person. Due to that, I've always said it's probably a good idea to date a person with whom you agree on the matter, in order to limit the potential misunderstandings regarding it. This especially seems to be the case when it comes to non-physical forms of cheating. While most everyone feels that participating in anything sexual with a person outside of a relationship is cheating, approximately 55% of women and 40% of men feel that passionately kissing someone outside of a relationship constitutes as cheating, and far fewer men than women feel that sexting with another can be viewed as cheating. Women also tend to believe in such a thing called emotional cheating much more so than men do. But what about mental cheating? Is there even such a thing? If so, what is it exactly, and how could we be certain that the person we're with has or hasn't ever had such thoughts?
Mental cheating, by some, is considered to be the act of sexually fantasizing about a person outside of a relationship, especially if one thinks about this person when being sexual with his or her partner (or themselves, I suppose).
So, is that a form of cheating or just harmless fun? Is it only cheating if the thoughts are about an ex or someone they personally know, as opposed to a celebrity? Is it only cheating if they're being sexual with their partner, but not so much if they're by themselves? Is it healthy or unhealthy for a person to fantasize about others outside of their relationship, and is it healthy or unhealthy for the actual relationship? If a person has such thoughts, should they be honest and share them, and would sharing such thoughts be as detrimental to the relationship as if they remained hidden?
As I mentioned earlier, I don't think there's a black-and-white answer to these questions. There are countless different opinions on the matter, and to limit potential misunderstandings, I think it's extremely important to find a partner with whom you completely (or mostly) agree when it comes to cheating. In my personal opinion, however, I think it is a form of cheating.
It wouldn't matter as much (if at all), in my opinion, if a couple was simply having a fling, if they were friends with benefits, and/or didn't have a long-term relationship in mind. Their main objective would be sexual gratification, so where their minds and hearts were (figuratively speaking, of course) when they engaged in such acts likely wouldn't mean a great deal to either. However, if the couple did have something long-term in mind and had expressed their love to one another in every which way, then I think the concept of mental cheating is a much bigger deal and could severely damage, if not completely ruin a relationship.
Healthy, happy, long-lasting relationships tend to possess a special connection on multiple fronts. While the two may continue to long for one another physically and sexually, this isn't just due to their sexual urges. In fact, the pleasures they feel sexually are often times expanded to a great degree due to the mental and emotional connections they feel to one another. So, if one of those connections is off for whatever reason, that can influence and damage a connection elsewhere. If a person's mind is elsewhere when engaging in intercourse with his or her partner, that can often times be sensed and felt by their partner, which takes away from the experience on multiple levels. Not only is the sex not as gratifying, there can also be a sense of something else missing as well. If two people are truly in love with one another, why would they resort to such fantasies? Is human monogamy a fairy tale, much like romantic comedies and romance novels?
While some may say that such fantasies are natural and harmless, I tend to disagree. If I were dating a woman and found out she fantasized about others when by her lonesome, while she may try to tell me that we still possessed a significant mental and emotional connection with one another, I'd know her sexual longings were elsewhere, which would severely hamper those very mental and emotional connections. It would leave me questioning myself: Am I not good enough?; Do I not please her?; Would she rather be with someone else?; etc. If she fantasized about other guys while she and I were being physical with one another, then I'd feel like I was being used. This wouldn't be the case if I were simply to engage in a physical fling with a woman. However, when in a committed relationship with someone, I'd like for that commitment to go both ways, and if we truly loved one another, I don't see how there could be a problem with staying devoted mentally, emotionally, and physically.
I've read many argue, "Is thinking about murder a crime? No. So, thinking about adultery isn't either. Who are you, the thought-police?"
Thinking about murdering someone may not be a crime, but that still doesn't make it right. Segueing from that, thinking about engaging in something sexual with a person outside of your marriage may not technically be adultery, but once again, that still doesn't make it right. Thoughts may just be that - thoughts. However, the first step to an action is a thought. Many actual murders were once just thoughts and many acts of adultery were once just thoughts as well. Perhaps I'm simply a naive purist. However, if I was involved in a committed relationship and found out she was sexually fantasizing about other guys, I'd feel like she had lied to me about truly loving me (and being committed to me), and I'd likely feel the need to break things off and look elsewhere - for a woman I felt a mutual commitment with on all three levels - one with whom I fully agreed with on the matter of cheating.
So, is there such a thing as mental cheating? Many people - guys in particular - would say no, and the matter is very subjective. However, I believe there is such a thing - because regardless if the actions are physical, mental, or emotional, they take away some of that trust which was so hard to build, strip away at the notion of total commitment, and leave one wondering, "Why are they with me in the first place?"
Mental cheating, by some, is considered to be the act of sexually fantasizing about a person outside of a relationship, especially if one thinks about this person when being sexual with his or her partner (or themselves, I suppose).
So, is that a form of cheating or just harmless fun? Is it only cheating if the thoughts are about an ex or someone they personally know, as opposed to a celebrity? Is it only cheating if they're being sexual with their partner, but not so much if they're by themselves? Is it healthy or unhealthy for a person to fantasize about others outside of their relationship, and is it healthy or unhealthy for the actual relationship? If a person has such thoughts, should they be honest and share them, and would sharing such thoughts be as detrimental to the relationship as if they remained hidden?
As I mentioned earlier, I don't think there's a black-and-white answer to these questions. There are countless different opinions on the matter, and to limit potential misunderstandings, I think it's extremely important to find a partner with whom you completely (or mostly) agree when it comes to cheating. In my personal opinion, however, I think it is a form of cheating.
It wouldn't matter as much (if at all), in my opinion, if a couple was simply having a fling, if they were friends with benefits, and/or didn't have a long-term relationship in mind. Their main objective would be sexual gratification, so where their minds and hearts were (figuratively speaking, of course) when they engaged in such acts likely wouldn't mean a great deal to either. However, if the couple did have something long-term in mind and had expressed their love to one another in every which way, then I think the concept of mental cheating is a much bigger deal and could severely damage, if not completely ruin a relationship.
Healthy, happy, long-lasting relationships tend to possess a special connection on multiple fronts. While the two may continue to long for one another physically and sexually, this isn't just due to their sexual urges. In fact, the pleasures they feel sexually are often times expanded to a great degree due to the mental and emotional connections they feel to one another. So, if one of those connections is off for whatever reason, that can influence and damage a connection elsewhere. If a person's mind is elsewhere when engaging in intercourse with his or her partner, that can often times be sensed and felt by their partner, which takes away from the experience on multiple levels. Not only is the sex not as gratifying, there can also be a sense of something else missing as well. If two people are truly in love with one another, why would they resort to such fantasies? Is human monogamy a fairy tale, much like romantic comedies and romance novels?
While some may say that such fantasies are natural and harmless, I tend to disagree. If I were dating a woman and found out she fantasized about others when by her lonesome, while she may try to tell me that we still possessed a significant mental and emotional connection with one another, I'd know her sexual longings were elsewhere, which would severely hamper those very mental and emotional connections. It would leave me questioning myself: Am I not good enough?; Do I not please her?; Would she rather be with someone else?; etc. If she fantasized about other guys while she and I were being physical with one another, then I'd feel like I was being used. This wouldn't be the case if I were simply to engage in a physical fling with a woman. However, when in a committed relationship with someone, I'd like for that commitment to go both ways, and if we truly loved one another, I don't see how there could be a problem with staying devoted mentally, emotionally, and physically.
I've read many argue, "Is thinking about murder a crime? No. So, thinking about adultery isn't either. Who are you, the thought-police?"
Thinking about murdering someone may not be a crime, but that still doesn't make it right. Segueing from that, thinking about engaging in something sexual with a person outside of your marriage may not technically be adultery, but once again, that still doesn't make it right. Thoughts may just be that - thoughts. However, the first step to an action is a thought. Many actual murders were once just thoughts and many acts of adultery were once just thoughts as well. Perhaps I'm simply a naive purist. However, if I was involved in a committed relationship and found out she was sexually fantasizing about other guys, I'd feel like she had lied to me about truly loving me (and being committed to me), and I'd likely feel the need to break things off and look elsewhere - for a woman I felt a mutual commitment with on all three levels - one with whom I fully agreed with on the matter of cheating.
So, is there such a thing as mental cheating? Many people - guys in particular - would say no, and the matter is very subjective. However, I believe there is such a thing - because regardless if the actions are physical, mental, or emotional, they take away some of that trust which was so hard to build, strip away at the notion of total commitment, and leave one wondering, "Why are they with me in the first place?"
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