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Hillary Clinton teaches Lindsey Graham how to send emails

Feeling embarrassed after admitting to the world he had never sent an email, South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham has reportedly asked former First Lady and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to teach him lessons on how to do so.

When I spoke with the South Carolina senator, he confirmed the matter, saying, "Oh, dear golly, gosh, me. I can't wait to place my fingers on that big, long black thing with lots of buttons while I look at that TV screen looking deal to see if I pressed all the right buttons. I remember a day back in college when this nice young man pressed all my right buttons, but that was a long, long time ago. Gosh, does anyone have a fan? It's suddenly getting mighty hot in here! Whew... Anyway, where was I?"

Also, when asked if he had ever used a computer before, Senator Graham said this: 

"Oh, sure. Well, I call it my solitary filing station. It's where I play that card game 'solitary' and file my nails in between games. I mean, what else is it good for, you know?"

Upon hearing these comments, Hillary Clinton wasn't pleased, saying, "Jesus Christ! I told him I'd give him one five-minute lesson and that was it! I mean, it's not rocket science, brain surgery, or climate-change denial or anything! I bet you the guy hasn't even heard of Facebook!"

When I caught up with the South Carolina senator to ask him that very question, he responded with, "Face what? Facebook? Can I check that out at the library or something? What's it about? Faces, I'm guessing?"

It's being rumored that if Linda Blair had seen Ms. Clinton's eyes roll in response to Graham's comment, even she would have been impressed.

Update: Hillary Clinton has just finished teaching her seventh how-to-send-an-email lesson to Lindsey Graham. 

After finishing this lesson, Ms. Clinton told me, "Well, he can turn the computer on properly about 75% of the time now, so that's a start."

Senator Graham's mind was elsewhere, however, as he told me, "You know, some people's mission is to find that Waldo person. For me? My ultimate mission is to find and check out Facebook at a library! I'm 0 for 24 so far, but it's gonna happen one of these days I tell ya!"
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