Getting a little fed up with professional fact-checkers researching their claims and telling the world they're wrong, all remaining Republican presidential candidates decided to get together and release the following New York Times op-ed piece, entitled, "A Fact Is Like Your Opinion, Man":
"We're all getting a little tired of fact-checkers listening to and researching what we have to say, and then telling the world we're wrong - you know, doing their jobs. What these fact-checkers fail to realize, though, is that a fact is like your opinion, man. For example, to us, it's a fact that 240% of Planned Parenthood's services are geared toward abortion. It's a fact that all Muslim cab drivers are likely terrorists and saying such a thing is in no way racist. Not only that, but it's a fact that a virgin woman gave birth to the perfect person, who died on a wooden cross for our sins, and rose again three days later, even though we've never personally had contact with him outside of crazy acid trips. Facts aren't set in stone, people. Facts are whatever you make them out to be. It's like the saying goes, 'Facts are like holes in the ass; everyone's got one.' So it's about time these fact-checkers got called out for their seemingly constant need to thoroughly research things and just accept the fact that their facts won't always align with ours, and we hope many others take a similar stand. Students, if a teacher claims you were wrong about an answer you gave on a test, stand up to her and say, 'That's just like your opinion, man.' Workers, when a boss accuses you of being wrong about something, again, stand up to him and say, 'Look, your facts and my facts just aren't the same,' and see what happens. It's about time we all stand up and refuse to take responsibility for anything we say or do!"
Within five minutes of the article's publication, several fact-checkers responded with this:
"Fact: 'a thing that is indisputably the case.' Opinion: 'a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.'"
"We're all getting a little tired of fact-checkers listening to and researching what we have to say, and then telling the world we're wrong - you know, doing their jobs. What these fact-checkers fail to realize, though, is that a fact is like your opinion, man. For example, to us, it's a fact that 240% of Planned Parenthood's services are geared toward abortion. It's a fact that all Muslim cab drivers are likely terrorists and saying such a thing is in no way racist. Not only that, but it's a fact that a virgin woman gave birth to the perfect person, who died on a wooden cross for our sins, and rose again three days later, even though we've never personally had contact with him outside of crazy acid trips. Facts aren't set in stone, people. Facts are whatever you make them out to be. It's like the saying goes, 'Facts are like holes in the ass; everyone's got one.' So it's about time these fact-checkers got called out for their seemingly constant need to thoroughly research things and just accept the fact that their facts won't always align with ours, and we hope many others take a similar stand. Students, if a teacher claims you were wrong about an answer you gave on a test, stand up to her and say, 'That's just like your opinion, man.' Workers, when a boss accuses you of being wrong about something, again, stand up to him and say, 'Look, your facts and my facts just aren't the same,' and see what happens. It's about time we all stand up and refuse to take responsibility for anything we say or do!"
Within five minutes of the article's publication, several fact-checkers responded with this:
"Fact: 'a thing that is indisputably the case.' Opinion: 'a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.'"
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