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eTrumptyDumpty

Well, it's here, what we've all been waiting for - a Donald Trump supporter dating site. TrumpSingles.com, created by 35-year-old lifetime Republican David Goss, isn't a parody site. It's objective is to bring Trump supporters together and find love in the process. It may cost $4.95 per month, but as always, poking fun of the site is priceless. :: cue the MasterCard commercial theme song ::

Given what Trump has said in the past, I envision the following profile of a male TrumpSingles.com member:

Self-Summary

 I'm like all the other guys, only better. Okay, I'm the best. Modesty can only get a person so far, right? I'm handsome, brilliant, genius really, rich, with lots of money, and yuge. I like long walks on the beach, while holding my massive artillery, and pretending I have Tourette's Syndrome. Sometimes I get a little tired of being the best at everything, but as the saying goes, "You can't spell 'the best and brightest in the world' without 'me,'" right? As they say in the courts, "The prostitution rests, your honor."
What I'm Doing With My Life

 Bringing fear to the masses, reigniting long-denied prejudices, you know, making America hate again. I want to ban, deport, and bomb people, because I'm a peacemaker like that.


 The First Thing People Notice About Me

 Probably my unique hair, this Chester Cheetah thing I got going on, my massively small hands, and other massively small things all over my body.
Favorite Books, Movies, Shows, Music, And Food

 The Bible is for sure the best book in the world. I especially like the following books: Two Corinthians; Dude, You're On Me; Adverbs; oh, and of course, the very first book - Phil Collins. I'm not huge into movies, TV shows, or music, but love what the blacks bring to the table there. As far as food goes, I've got two words for you - taco bowl on Cinco de Mayo.
The Six Things I could Never Do Without

 1) Deporting foreigners

2) Foreign women

3) Willy Wonka

4) An 'I'd Do Me' bumper sticker

5) Gullibility

6) A calculator :: checks it ::. Okay, it looks like I'm done with this question.
I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking About

 Respecting women, as well as young beautiful pieces of ass
On A Typical Friday Night I Am

 Probably playing a game I created called Sort Of Jeopardy, where vague answers are given and even vaguer questions are then provided to those answers. For example, the card I'm holding up right now says, "This is it." So I'd then respond with "What is that thing?" and that'd be right. Very fun game. Very very fun.
The Most Private Thing I'm Willing To Admit

 In week 2 of our relationship, an ex of mine started providing me a teleprompter for our dates, in fear of what I'd say without it.
You Should Message Me If

 You're hotter than that sub-10 Heidi Klum. It also helps if you're a foreigner that doesn't speak gooder English than me.

http://nypost.com/2016/06/09/this-dating-site-is-for-trump-lovers-only/
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