Far-right Republicans often like to call themselves Constitutionalists, but just how accurate is that label? If the modern-day GOP were to write the Constitution today, here are just a few changes I think they'd make:
1st Amendment
"Congress shall respect Jerry Falwell's interpretation of Christianity more than any other religion. Due to that, Congress shall make no law prohibiting freedom of speech, even when this speech negates others of their rights. Conservative-friendly media outlets should be so free they're allowed to tell the world that gravity was a myth passed down by one King Fallen without so much as a smirk."
2nd Amendment
"An unregulated Militia, being necessary to the profit of the National Rifle Association, the right of the people to keep and bear firearms which could potentially kill 200 people per minute, shall not be infringed, because Jesus."
4th Amendment
"The right of the people to feel secure in their homes against unreasonable searches and seizures shall only be violated when the nation is frightened of Muslim terrorists, which is always."
6th Amendment
"In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence - unless he's black."
8th Amendment
"Outside of fatal shock therapy ordered by the State, cruel and unusual punishments shall not be inflicted, so long as grand flexibility is provided with regard to the terms 'cruel' and 'unusual'."
12th Amendment
"The person having the greatest number of votes for president shall become president, except for the times when the person with fewer votes becomes president."
13th Amendment
"Slavery is like so not cool we should pretend it never happened. Thanks, Texas."
14th Amendment
"All persons who are descendents of those whom weren't originally born in this country but stole it from others shall be seen as citizens of the United States. As far as descendents of those who were originally from this country go, they should try their luck at the penny slots."
15th Amendment
"Persons can't be denied the right to vote based on race or color, but laws can be passed to make it more difficult for them to do so. The fewer that vote, the better. All hail democracy!"
26th Amendment
"Persons 18-years-old or older can't be denied the right to vote. If they're between the ages of 18 and 20, however, while they can be sent off to war and potentially shot in the process, they can't legally buy a shot of O'Doul's."
http://www.senate.gov/civics/constitution_item/constitution.htm
1st Amendment
"Congress shall respect Jerry Falwell's interpretation of Christianity more than any other religion. Due to that, Congress shall make no law prohibiting freedom of speech, even when this speech negates others of their rights. Conservative-friendly media outlets should be so free they're allowed to tell the world that gravity was a myth passed down by one King Fallen without so much as a smirk."
2nd Amendment
"An unregulated Militia, being necessary to the profit of the National Rifle Association, the right of the people to keep and bear firearms which could potentially kill 200 people per minute, shall not be infringed, because Jesus."
4th Amendment
"The right of the people to feel secure in their homes against unreasonable searches and seizures shall only be violated when the nation is frightened of Muslim terrorists, which is always."
6th Amendment
"In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence - unless he's black."
8th Amendment
"Outside of fatal shock therapy ordered by the State, cruel and unusual punishments shall not be inflicted, so long as grand flexibility is provided with regard to the terms 'cruel' and 'unusual'."
12th Amendment
"The person having the greatest number of votes for president shall become president, except for the times when the person with fewer votes becomes president."
13th Amendment
"Slavery is like so not cool we should pretend it never happened. Thanks, Texas."
14th Amendment
"All persons who are descendents of those whom weren't originally born in this country but stole it from others shall be seen as citizens of the United States. As far as descendents of those who were originally from this country go, they should try their luck at the penny slots."
15th Amendment
"Persons can't be denied the right to vote based on race or color, but laws can be passed to make it more difficult for them to do so. The fewer that vote, the better. All hail democracy!"
26th Amendment
"Persons 18-years-old or older can't be denied the right to vote. If they're between the ages of 18 and 20, however, while they can be sent off to war and potentially shot in the process, they can't legally buy a shot of O'Doul's."
http://www.senate.gov/civics/constitution_item/constitution.htm
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