In Week 12 of the NFL season I learned that...
- ..., no matter how many points the Detroit Lions might be up, you've got them right where you want them.
- ..., after the season, Detroit Lions head coach Dan Campbell will form the cover band Beers For Tears.
- ..., given the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback's level of speed, the slowest animal in the world will now be referred to as the Slothlisberger.
- ...Clark Griswold has a better chance of winning at blackjack than an NFL analyst has at accurately predicting what the Las Vegas Raiders will do on any given week.
- ...Ryan Tannehill without Derrick Henry is like an elderly Neo without a blue pill; it just doesn't work.
- ...Cam Newton has proven you truly don't know what you have until it's gone, comes back, and totally sucks the second time.
- ...Kirk Cousins has shown the world one potential side effect of not getting vaccinated is attempting to handle balls under big men's butts that aren't there.
- ...Cris Collinsworth doesn't need porn so long as he can watch Lamar Jackson miss open targets and expertly hit opponent's corners in stride.
- ...Baker Mayfield's next commercial will inevitably be with LifeCall, where he cries out, "I've fallen...and I can't get up!"
- ...Atlanta's C. Patterson plays so many positions, the ancient text will soon be retitled, "Cordarrelle Sutra."
I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...
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