What I learned in Week 13 of the NFL season

In Week 13 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...there are three guarantees in life: death, taxes, and Andy Reid winning after bye weeks.

- ...the Detroit Lions have proven, if you believe in yourself, and are facing a prevent defense in a goal-to-go situation, anything is possible.

- ..., if Santa really is the ultimate gift-giver, he is in fact black, and goes by the name Lamar Jackson.

- ...Joe Mixon even fumbles in touch-football.

- ..., based on their performance Sunday night against the Denver Broncos, it's become apparent the Kansas City Chiefs receivers are serious investors in Butterfingers.

- ..., given his seeming obsession with "Top Gun," the question now is, "Will the Philadelphia Eagles quarterback wind up being Maverick Minshew or Goose Minshew?" Too soon?

- ..., since it was the Green Bay Packers' bye-week, this was the only week of the season where Dr. Aaron Rodgers only passed COVID on Sunday.

- ..., if Jimmy Garoppolo starred in a porno, it would inevitably be called, "This Is the Wrong Hole, Isn't It?"

- ...the New Orleans Saints quarterback's new nickname should be Toddler Taysom, for he's more guilty of picks than a 3-year-old.

- ...Los Angeles Chargers head coach Brandon Staley, up 8 in the 4th quarter, decided to go for 2 after scoring a touchdown. Next Gen analytics apparently says, "After scoring a touchdown, always go for the field goal."