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The Tea Party Philosophy

I'm having trouble understanding the Tea Party philosophy. Let's think about this for a moment. Tea Party politicians, speakers, and leaders, as well as their voters, speak anti-government rhetoric like a preacher nicknamed motormouth speaks about Jesus.

When it comes to taxes, I hear Tea Partiers regularly stay, "Stay out of my wallet!"

When it comes to social issues, especially gay rights, I often times hear them say, "Stay out of people's bedrooms!"

What do they think about global warming? "It's a plan by the government to take control of our lives and take away more of our rights!"

Gun-control legislation? It's more of the same - "It's all part of a big government plan to strip us of our rights by taking away our guns!"

In other words, the government to the Tea Party is much like a monster in the closet to a 5-year old, the devil to die-hard Christians, or Jesus to the NRA. Taking all of this into consideration, I envision the following conversation amongst Tea Party voters:

Thomas Whitey: "So, are you going to vote?"

Arthur Olderthandirt: "Yes, of course - for the Tea Party candidate. Who else?"

Whitey: "Yeah, that's who I'm leaning towards too, but I hate all government. If I had to pick, I'd go with him, but why pick any of them, you know?"

Olderthandirt: "Well, you're a Tea Partier, right?"

Whitey: "Yeah"

Olderthandirt: "So, vote for that guy!"

Whitey: "Yeah, I guess - but he doesn't believe in government and I don't believe in government."

Olderthandirt: "So?"

Whitey: "So then why is he running for government and why am I voting for someone to be in government?"

Olderthandirt: "Because this is part of the big plan"

Whitey: "What big plan?"

Olderthandirt: "You see, if all the Tea Partiers get elected, we'll essentially have no government, which is what we want."

Whitey: "So, in order to not have a government, which we Tea Partiers are against, we have to vote people into the government who don't want to be in the government and hate the government as much as we do?"

Olderthandirt: "Now you're catching on!"

Whitey: "Nice! I like it! Let's go take down the government by voting for people to be in the government!"

Olderthandirt: "Yee-haw!"
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