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What if the trailers had been different for these movies?

I'm not sure how well this is going to work, but I thought I'd give it a try. I wondered how certain movies might come across if the trailers centered around an event (or events) which wasn't (weren't) central to the film's overall story. So, I thought I'd tinker around with that idea regarding some films I've seen so many times, I pretty much have them memorized.

Film: Big

Trailer: "Be careful what you wish for, as Tom Hanks now knows from the film Big. In this movie, Hanks plays as a young boy who wishes to be 'big,' only to awaken the next morning as someone much bigger. Does he just become taller? Older? Fatter? Did he grow a large wee-wee? Or did he become a child sumo wrestler? Watch and see for yourself, but make no mistake about it, Hanks is 'big!'"


Film: Coming to America

 Trailer: "Ever been living the African dream, have everything handed to you as a prince, and want more out of life, so you traveled to America to try and live the American dream? The American dream - mopping floors at a restaurant, cooking, and hoping to one day make assistant manager. Why? 'Because that's when the big bucks come rolling in.' Join Eddie Murphy and see if he too can achieve the American dream."


Film: The Naked Gun

Trailer: "Many men and women alike get paranoid about holes in condoms. That paranoid will cease after watching Leslie Nielsen and Priscilla Presley in The Naked Gun. Parents, do you want your kids to truly become educated on safe-sex? Then forget that abstinence-only education crap and tell them to stray away from condoms which only wrap around guys' dingalings. Just have them watch Lieutenant Frank Drebin and Jane Spencer do the deed with their bodies completely wrapped in latex. Just make sure to tell them to poke holes toward their upper head (not lower) so they don't suffocate. You're welcome."


Film: Clue

Trailer: "If you want a more entertaining version of the Bible, Clue might be just what you're looking for! In it, Mr. Body (Jesus) is killed, rises from the dead, and is killed again. What will he do next? Will he rise again? Was he really dead the first time or the second time? Was he really Jesus at all? Have all or none of these questions answered and more in Clue! See it today!"


Film: Spaceballs

Trailer: "All guys have them - penises, or the schwartz as they're known in the new film Spaceballs. They're said to have a mind of their own and no matter how hard guys try to deny it, they can't help but peek at other guys to compare. 'I see that your schwartz is as big as mine!' Come and celebrate gay pride by watching Bill Pullman and Rick Moranis showcase their schwartz's. You won't regret it!"
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