Louisiana, led by Republican Governor and Mr. 2016-Presidential-Hopeful-Polling-At-0% - Bobby Jindal - has been attempting to defund Planned Parenthood. However, in this ensuing court battle, the state has had some problems coming up with ways to provide low-income women with family planning care to replace Planned Parenthood should this occur. To help illustrate this point, the state's attorneys declared that Louisiana is home to approximately 2,000 family planning providers to help aid low-income women should Planned Parenthood be defunded. Well, as Inigo Montoya says in the film The Princess Bride with regard to the word inconceivable ("You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."), I have a hunch these attorneys are mistaken on what family planning providers actually are. As Judge John deGravelles said about the matter:
"It strikes me as extremely odd that you have a dermatologist, an audiologist, a dentist who are billing for family planning services. But that is what you're representing to the court? You're telling me that they can provide family planning and related services?"
After Judge deGravelles called the state out for its ridiculous declaration, the attorneys admitted that dentists and other specialists didn't belong on the list of 2,000 family planning providers, before condensing this list of 2,000 to 29. Yes, Louisiana's attorneys' final estimation of the state's family planning providers was just 1.5% of their initial estimation (the original estimation was 69 times the final estimation). As baseball announcer Bob Uecker might say, "Juuuuust a bit outside; tried the corner and missed."
With math skills like that, it's quite possible Louisiana's attorneys said the following at one point in their lives:
- "The United States of America, and all its 3,450 states, is the greatest country in the world!"
- "That question is easy! 5 x 5? That's 1,650!"
- "Hey mom; I got a 1,656% on my test! I mean, 24%! Same thing, right?"
Riiight... In addition to their horrendous math skills, these attorneys apparently expect the following conversation to regularly occur between dentists and their patients:
Amy Bewildered: "Hey doc."
Dr. Leonard Hurter: "Hey Amy. Just a cleaning today, right?"
Amy: "As far as I know. Why do you ask?"
Dr. Hurter: "Oh, good. I really wasn't in the mood for another abortion procedure today. I've already done five of those today!"
Amy: "Wow, really?"
Dr. Hurter: "Yeah, so as you could probably imagine, I'm seriously abortion-ed out for the day!"
Amy: "I bet! No worries, doc; I've made sure to have safe sex ever since that one abortion I had here."
Dr. Hurter: "That's a relief. Help yourself to some condoms on the way out, though, okay? Better safe than sorry, I always say."
Amy: "Do you have any edible or glow-in-the-dark ones?"
Dr. Hurter: "No, we just ran out of those about an hour ago. We'll get some more early next week. I keep saying we need to get a condom vending machine. I swear, we give away more condoms than toothbrushes here! Speaking of which, we do have some glow-in-the-dark toothbrushes if that interests you."
Amy: "Sure, why not? What's a dentist appointment without a free toothbrush and some condoms, you know?"
Dr. Hurter: "Isn't that the truth? Okay, now open wide..."
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2015/09/louisiana-said-women-could-go-dentist-if-planned-parenthood-were-defunded
"It strikes me as extremely odd that you have a dermatologist, an audiologist, a dentist who are billing for family planning services. But that is what you're representing to the court? You're telling me that they can provide family planning and related services?"
After Judge deGravelles called the state out for its ridiculous declaration, the attorneys admitted that dentists and other specialists didn't belong on the list of 2,000 family planning providers, before condensing this list of 2,000 to 29. Yes, Louisiana's attorneys' final estimation of the state's family planning providers was just 1.5% of their initial estimation (the original estimation was 69 times the final estimation). As baseball announcer Bob Uecker might say, "Juuuuust a bit outside; tried the corner and missed."
With math skills like that, it's quite possible Louisiana's attorneys said the following at one point in their lives:
- "The United States of America, and all its 3,450 states, is the greatest country in the world!"
- "That question is easy! 5 x 5? That's 1,650!"
- "Hey mom; I got a 1,656% on my test! I mean, 24%! Same thing, right?"
Riiight... In addition to their horrendous math skills, these attorneys apparently expect the following conversation to regularly occur between dentists and their patients:
Amy Bewildered: "Hey doc."
Dr. Leonard Hurter: "Hey Amy. Just a cleaning today, right?"
Amy: "As far as I know. Why do you ask?"
Dr. Hurter: "Oh, good. I really wasn't in the mood for another abortion procedure today. I've already done five of those today!"
Amy: "Wow, really?"
Dr. Hurter: "Yeah, so as you could probably imagine, I'm seriously abortion-ed out for the day!"
Amy: "I bet! No worries, doc; I've made sure to have safe sex ever since that one abortion I had here."
Dr. Hurter: "That's a relief. Help yourself to some condoms on the way out, though, okay? Better safe than sorry, I always say."
Amy: "Do you have any edible or glow-in-the-dark ones?"
Dr. Hurter: "No, we just ran out of those about an hour ago. We'll get some more early next week. I keep saying we need to get a condom vending machine. I swear, we give away more condoms than toothbrushes here! Speaking of which, we do have some glow-in-the-dark toothbrushes if that interests you."
Amy: "Sure, why not? What's a dentist appointment without a free toothbrush and some condoms, you know?"
Dr. Hurter: "Isn't that the truth? Okay, now open wide..."
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2015/09/louisiana-said-women-could-go-dentist-if-planned-parenthood-were-defunded
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