The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

The question of the day is, "How long can he go?" During his campaign, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has gone after the following demographics: Muslims, Mexicans, women, LGBTs, "the" blacks, the disabled, POWs, the press, immigrants, Jews, the other Republican candidates, Democratic candidates, fact-checkers, the current president and administration, former presidents and administrations, opponents' families, and now you can add babies to the seemingly never-ending list. At a recent rally in Ashburn, Virginia, Trump melt the need to comment about a crying baby in the audience, and started off in a pleasant tone, as he said the following: "I love babies. I hear that baby cry, I like it. What a baby. What a beautiful baby. Don't worry, don't worry. The mom's running around, like, don't worry about it, you know. It's young and beautiful and healthy and that's what we want." Not long after those comments, though...

Not too long ago, Donald Trump drew criticism for telling MSNBC's Chris Matthews that he believed women who have abortions should get punished. When he was asked by MSNBC's Willie Geist on Wednesday whether or not he stood by his previous comments, here is what the presumptive Republican presidential nominee said: "No, he was asking me a theoretical, or just a question in theory, and I talked about it only from that standpoint. Of course not. And that was done, he said, you know, I guess it was theoretically, but he was asking a rhetorical question, and I gave an answer. And by the way, people thought from an academic standpoint, and, asked rhetorically, people said that answer was an unbelievable academic answer! But of course not, and I said that afterwards." This is the Republican nominee for president, folks. This is one of your two main options to lead this country starting in 2017. Let that sink in for a second... Have you let that possibility sink in yet?...

Just the other day, I thought to myself (I do this often), "I haven't written about Fox News in a while. That's kind of weird." Fortunately, a lovely Fox News story just fell into my lap today, so hopefully I'll be able to get over this case of PFAFNWS (Poking Fun At Fox News Withdrawal Syndrome). After the gruesome torture report got released this past week, Fox News' own Andrea Tantaros had this to say about the matter: "The United States of America is awesome. We are awesome. We've closed the book on [torture], and we've stopped doing it. And the reason they want to have this discussion is not to show how awesome we are. This administration wants to have this discussion to show us how we're not awesome." When I first heard this, the theme song from The Lego Movie  immediately started playing in my mind - "Everything is awesome!" Speaking of something playing in my mind, here's Ms. Tantaros' extended, never hea...

While I've already written about the potential dangers of the ice bucket challenge, largely due to one's poor health and also alcohol consumption, I've also applauded it for spreading word about a worthy cause and making money to further research about that cause in the process. While I just sent a quiet donation without getting ice-cold water dumped over my head, so long as people are cautious when partaking in it, I have no problem with it. That's much more than can be said about World Net Daily writer Selena Owens, whom recently wrote an article, entitled, "The Dark Side Of The Ice Bucket Challenge." I know, I'm already scared too. She began her "piece" with this: "I'm not one to get all crazy about the latest fads, especially ones that call for being doused in frigid ice water. Concerning the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge (IBC), I feel that there are more comfortable ways to bring attention to debilitating diseases without going to su...

I wasn't sure I would ever hear a defense more ridiculous than the one Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder gave of his team's nickname, but given former NFL head coach Mike Ditka's recent tirade, I stand corrected. In an interview with RedskinsHistorian.com, Ditka said the following: "What's all the stink over the Redskins name? It's so much horse sh*t it's incredible. We're going to let the liberals of the world run this world. It was said out of reverence, out of pride to the American Indian. Even though it was called a Redskin, what are you going to call them, a Brownskin? This is so stupid it's appalling, and I hope that owner keeps fighting for it and never changes it, because the Redskins are part of an American football history, and it should never be anything but the Washington Redskins. That's the way it is." Judges, what do you think of Mr. Ditka's statement? "This is so stupid it's appalling..." In...

It seems that because of the Sarah Palin Channel , political satire may not be necessary, because I'm not sure Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert could have even satirized Sarah Palin better than she satirized herself with a recent speech she gave. Please join me in reading this one-of-a-kind speech, where Palin comes across as drunker than a man nicknamed Mr. Slur-a-Lot by his bar buddies. ...and yes, I may make a few remarks of my own regarding Palin's seemingly drunken tirade. Ms. Palin, please take it away! "We believe that Washington DC need to take less of our money it need more scrutiny, fewer bureaucrats... and it needs a  reminder of the principles laid down in the constitution that our leaders swear to defend." It appears as if the former Alaska Governor has decided to go the what's-grammar-again route. This should make for a few good laughs, or headaches, or perhaps both. Please continue... "Furthermore we believe crony capitalism is infecting bo...

Given the failed results so far, it's a wonder why states are continually pushing forth bills to require welfare applicants to pass drug tests in order to be eligible for such benefits. The state of Utah spent over $30,000 on these drug tests, and what did these tests reveal? Just 12 drug users. That was money well spent. In Florida, just 2% of welfare applicants tested positive for drugs in 2011, whereas approximately 8% of the state uses illegal drugs. This resulted in a net loss of money for the state. Virginia lawmakers rejected a proposed drug-testing program for welfare applicants because, while it would save an estimated $229,000, it would also cost $1.5 million. In other words, it wouldn't save any money at all. That brings us to Tennessee. The state started their drug-testing program in July. What have the results been to this point? Oh, let's see here - of 812 applicants, 1 has tested positive. In other words, 0.12% of applicants tested positive for drugs....

Allow me to introduce to you Stephanie Banister - a woman who is part of the far-right One Nation party and is vying for a spot in the Parliament of Australia in an election being held on September 7th. She has been called "Australia's Sarah Palin" for the simple fact she's a woman, is running for Parliament, and is further to the right than a ruler is straight. After a recent interview, however, it appears as if Ms. Banister has more in common with Palin than was initially thought. Like in Sarah Palin's now infamous interview with Katie Couric, Stephanie Banister appeared lost (to be kind) when being interviewed by a local media outlet recently. Here are her best (or worst depending on how you look at it) quotes from the interview: - "[I don't] oppose Islam as a country," [but feel] "their laws should not be welcome here in Australia." - [Less than two percent of Australians follow] "haram." - "Jews aren't under ...

Fox News has done it again! They've come across as more special than Forrest Gump after seven shots of tequila! A while back on their homepage, a headline to an article written by female anti-feminist Suzanne Venker, read, "To be happy, we must admit women and men aren't 'equal,'" and just below that was a picture of a lesbian couple kissing. It would have been more appropriate to have titled the "piece," "To be happy, we must admit that lesbian women and lesbian women aren't equal." After reading and re-reading that a few times, I have a feeling Forrest would have someone call him a taxi, before blurting out, "You won't believe this stuff I'm seeing and reading! I am wasted - wasted is as wasted does! Oh geez, I gotta pee." http://now.msn.com/fox-news-uses-photo-of-lela-mcarthur-and-stephanie-figarelle-wedding-in-pro-heterosexual-article

Don West - George Zimmerman's defense counsel - decided to start the trial off with a bang earlier today, well, more like a knock-knock. That's right, Mr. West attempted to show off his prowess in comedy by engaging the jury in a knock-knock joke during his opening statement. Mr. West said: "Knock-knock." Jury: "Who's there?" "George Zimmerman." Jury: "George Zimmerman who?" "Ah, good. You're on the jury." Rumor has it that he will read off Laffy Taffy jokes when questioning experts and witnesses, and will close the case by asking the jury why the chicken crossed the road. http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/2013/06/george-zimmerman-trayvon-martin-trial-knock-knock-joke.html

When discussing why he couldn't get behind the Medicaid expansion in Obamacare, Maine House Minority Leader Ken Fredette made quite the statement, saying the following: "As I listen to the debate today and earlier debate on this bill, I can't help but think of a title of a book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. And it's a book about the fact that men sort of think one way in their own brain, in their own world. And women think another way in their own brain and in their own world. And it really talks about the way that men and women can do a better job at communicating. Because if you listen to the debate today, in my mind - a man's mind - I hear two fundamental issues. From the other side of the aisle, I hear the conversation being about: free, 'This is free, we need to take it, and it's free. And we need to do it now.' And that's the fundamental message that my brain receives. Now, my brain, being a man's brain, sort of thinks differ...

Republican candidate for the lieutenant governor of Virginia and 2008 National Kindergarten Spelling Bee champion - E.W. Jackson - apparently released a book in 2008 entitled, Ten Commandments to an Extraordinary Life: Making Your Dreams Come True . On the front cover of this book reads the following title - Ten Comandments to an Extraordinary Life: Making Your Dreams Come True . That's right. The title on the front cover of Jackson's book is misspelled. Jackson's next book will probably be called Ten Comandments to Writing Good . These "Comandments" will likely be the following: 1. Thou shalt spell good and sh*t. 2. Thou shalt have good gramma. 5. Thou shalt count good too, for page numbers and all of that. 6. Thou shalt, uh, write with your hands. 7. Thou shalt know what comas and semi-comas are. 8. Thou shalt know how to use tht spll chck thng. 9. Thou shalt do something else. 10. Thou shalt love Jesus. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013...