Taking scripture and song literally...

For whatever reason, I had a hymn stuck in my head upon waking this morning. No, I have not heard this song in probably 15 years, since I last went to church. When the song was playing in my head, however, I had to chuckle some. I thought to myself, "I wonder what would happen if those whom took all scriptures literally also took all hymns literally..."

The chorus of this song goes as follows:

"He lives! He lives! Christ Jesus lives today!
He walks with me and talks with me along life's narrow way.
He lives! He lives! Salvation to impart!
You ask me how I know He lives? He lives within my heart."

Well, at least we now know where Jesus is - this writer's heart.

I can just imagine this person going to the doctor for heart troubles, and hearing back regarding the test results. I imagine the conversation would go something like this:

Doctor: "Well, I have here your test results..."

Writer: "...and? What's the problem?"

Doctor: "It's something I've never seen before..."

Writer: "Oh no! Is that bad?"

Doctor: "It's unusual. Take a look for yourself."

Writer: "What is that?"

Doctor: "It appears to be Jesus."

Writer: "Oh my God? Really? Ow... What was that?"

Doctor: "I have a feeling Jesus wasn't too pleased with you taking his father's name in vain right then. Have you been misbehaving at all recently? Been out drinking a bit too much? Smoking grass? Going to the adult bookstore? Paying money for a hooker's services?"

Writer: "Uh... Yes, yes, no, and several times."

Doctor: "Well, that could explain it. If I were you, I'd just try to not piss Jesus off. He doesn't seem to care for that s**t."

Writer: "But you just swore! Why is your not heart not hurting?"

Doctor: "Lucky for me, Jesus isn't living in my heart. Best of luck to you, sir."

http://www.greatchristianhymns.com/he-lives.html