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Trump's health is frickin' unbelievable!

Donald Trump's doctor, Harold Bornstein, recently released the GOP presidential frontrunner's medical report, and I felt the need to share it with readers. Apparently, when one hangs around The Donald enough, he/she starts speaking like him. Here's the medical report, and no, this is not an Onion article:

"To Whom My Concern: 

 I have been the personal physician of Mr. Donald J. Trump since 1980. His previous physician was my father, Dr. Jacob Bornstein. Over the past 39 years, I am pleased to report that Mr. Trump has no significant medical problems. Mr. Trump has had a recent complete medical examination that showed only positive results. Actually, his blood pressure, 110/65, and laboratory test results were astonishingly excellent.

 Over the past twelve months, he has lost at least fifteen pounds. Mr. Trump takes 81 mg of aspirin daily and a low dose of statin. His PSA test score is 0.15 (very low). His physical strength and stamina are extraordinary.

 Mr. Trump has suffered no form of cancer, has never had a hip, knee or shoulder replacement or any other orthopedic surgery. His only surgery was an appendectomy at age ten. His cardiovascular status is excellent. He has no history of ever using alcohol or tobacco products.

 If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency."

Trump responded to the report by saying, "I am proud to share this health report, written by the highly respected Dr. Jacob Bornstein of Lenox Hill Hospital." Jacob Bornstein, Harold Bornstein's father, died in 2010 at the age of 93.

Based on how the report was written, I have a sneaking suspicion The Donald coauthored it. How many times have you heard a doctor utter the following lines?

- "Laboratory test results were astonishingly excellent"

- "His physical strength and stamina are extraordinary"

- "His cardiovascular status is excellent"

- "(He) will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency"

Not only that, Dr. Bornstein seems to despise details just like Trump:

- "Trump has no significant medical problems"

- "His medical examination only showed positive results"

- "He's lost at least fifteen pounds in the past twelve months"

- "He takes aspirin daily" (what for?)

Based on this medical report and Trump's seeming ability to get those closest to him to speak like him, expect to hear the following quotes at some point in the future:

Setting: Trump's dentist talking about the billionaire

 "The man's teeth are astonishingly excellent."


Setting: Trump's barber talking about their relationship

 "That guy's hair is frickin' amazing."


Setting: Trump's wife talking about their sex life

 "Donald's stamina is very very very extraordinary."


http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/12/14/the-donald-s-trumped-up-medical-report.html

https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/statement-on-donald-j.-trump-record-of-health
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