The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I keep seeing a video being spread on social media of Trump's "20 promises," so I decided to fact-check it. 1. "Seal the border, and stop the migrant invasion" MAGA’s “migrant invasion” rhetoric is incredibly misleading. Here are the annual numbers for undocumented immigrants and how much of the U.S. population they’ve comprised over the years: 2006: 11.55M (3.9%) 2007: 11.78M (3.9%) 2008: 11.6M (3.8%) 2009: 10.75M (3.5%) 2010: 11.6M (3.8%) 2011: 11.5M (3.7%) 2012: 11.4M (3.6%) 2013: 11.3M (3.6%) 2014: 11.3M (3.5%) 2015: 11.0M (3.4%) 2016: 10.7M (3.3%) 2017: 11.4M (3.5%) 2018: 11.4M (3.5%) 2019: 11.48M (3.5%) 2020: ? (?) – due to COVID 2021: 10.22M (3.1%) 2022: 11.5M (3.5%) 2023: ? (?) – don’t have the numbers yet As can be seen, the numbers on the undocumented-immigration front have been incredibly steady over the past decade and a half, through 2 Republican and 2 Democratic Presidents. Also, immigration reform has been on the Congressional slate since George W...

Given the story that JD Vance allegedly likes a piece of furniture as more than just friends, I decided to write a parody about it. To the tune of "Let's Go Fly a Kite," here is, "Let's Go F*ck a Couch." Back home from the bar with the guys Right when I walk in we lock eyes Yeah, her side skirt is up Her cushion top is down Her seams so nicely sewn I want to ride that couch Oh, God, yes Let’s go f*ck a couch The best one in the house Let’s go f*ck a couch And get it moaning up to the ceiling fan Out past our neighbor, Stan Ooh, let’s go f*ck a couch She’s always there when I need love No fuss when I put on my glove Yeah, it just fits so right Mini-mushroom in size Her seams so nicely sewn I want to ride that couch Oh, God, yes Let’s go f*ck a couch The best one in the house Let’s go f*ck a couch And get it moaning up to the ceiling fan Out past our neighbor, Stan Ooh, let’s go f*ck a couch

Donald Trump cannot be President again. The guy was a complete disaster in his first term, and rest assured, a second term would be 45 times worse. Here's Trump's track-record since becoming president: - 38 times he said COVID would vanish - 1 time he suggested injecting disinfectant could rid one of COVID - 2.72M jobs lost - Just 6.409M jobs gained in his first 3 years, prior to COVID - 192k manufacturing jobs lost - +/-0.0% inflation - +14.8% wages (compared to +16.9% under Biden) - +2.6% GDP (compared to +2.9% under Biden) - +430.5% budget deficit - +37.7% national debt - +25.5% homicide rate - +17.0% firearm deaths - 30,573 lies told - Just 28% approval abroad - 2 impeachments (3 counts) - 34 felony convictions - 54 felony charges pending - Once found liable for fraud - Twice found liable for defamation - Once found liable for rape - Etc. The guy was, is, and always will be a disgrace to the office. What has he said he'd do if he served a second term?  Be a dictator on ...

For both electoral and comedic reasons, I'm thrilled with Donald Trump's selection of J.D. Vance as his running mate. Immediately upon hearing the announcement, I thought, "Ooh, this could be fun," so I decided to concoct a fictional interview, where I ask Vance a few questions, and he responds with actual quotes he's made about Trump. ...and action. I'm here now with Ohio Senator and recently announced running mate for Donald Trump, J.D. Vance. Mr. Vance, if you had to describe Donald Trump in one word, what would it be? "My god what an idiot." Well, that's five words, but very well. You know you're talking about Donald Trump, the man you're running with, correct? "I'm a 'Never Trump' guy. I never liked him." So why are you running with him? “I go back and forth between thinking Trump is a cynical a$$hole like Nixon who wouldn’t be that bad (and might even prove useful) or that he’s America’s Hitler. How’s that for ...