Republican Kansas State Senate candidate Steve Fitzgerald recently told the Polish American Club that the Democratic Party has become un-Christian. When asked about this comment by The Huffington Post, Fitzgerald responded with the following:
"My main point is that the Democratic platform and policies nationally are in attempt to redefine marriage in effect to say what Christ has said about marriage is a lie. Christ said marriage is between one man and one woman and the Democratic platform said that it's not true. So therefore, my point was that one cannot support the Democratic platform and be a follower of Christ. ...The contention that I said that one cannot be Catholic or Christian and a Democrat is not an unreasonable summation of what I actually said. My actual message was fix the party or leave."
I'm thinking that Mr. Fitzgerald hasn't read The Bible - that or has read a different version of it. I'm guessing in this edited version, the following verse appears in the book of Santorum 66:6-8 - "If thou is a man, thou shalt not wear a ring symbolizing love for another man, be wed to him and spend every Saturday touching naughty parts instead of watching football. If thou is a woman, the same shall hold true - she shall not wed another woman and enjoy touching each other's lady parts, for this is not ladylike and not what Christ wanted. Amen."
Let me run down a list of marriage-types in The Bible for Mr. Fitzgerald:
- Levirate Marriage: "Levir" in Latin means "brother-in-law." If a woman was widowed and without children, she was then required to marry her brother-in-law. Yes, due to this, brother-in-laws became 10.26 times more likely to kill their brother if his wife was "prettier than the Virgin Mary" and 52.999 times more likely to commit suicide if their brother's wife "looked and smelled like one of the Disciples." That number increased to 100.026 times if their brother was dealing with serious health problems.
- Polygamous Marriage: Not only could a man have to himself multiple wives, but some lovely concubines on the side. Perhaps Mr. Fitzgerald meant to say, "In The Bible, Christ said that marriage is between one man, one woman...and another woman, another woman and a mistress or two."
- Rape Marriage: Yes, if a female virgin who isn't engaged was raped, she was then to marry her rapist. Of course, in light of Missouri Republican Senatorial candidate Todd Akin's revelation about women's magical vaginas, perhaps in Biblical times, women could make a gesture which resulted in the ultimate closing of their vaginas to ward off a potential rape.
- Slave Marriage: Yes, just as Republican Arkansas legislator Jon Hubbard wrote in his book "Letters to the Editor: Confessions of a Frustrated Conservative" - that slavery was a blessing for African-Americans, it was definitely a blessing for women as well! If that's not love, I don't know what is!
I'm thinking that Mr. Fitzgerald should alter his statement some - from, "Christ said marriage is between one man and one woman and the Democratic platform said that it's not true" to one of the following:
- "Christ said marriage is between one woman and her brother-in-law and the Democratic platform said that it's not true."
- "Christ said marriage is between one man and many women and the Democratic platform said that it's not true."
- "Christ said marriage is between one man and the woman he raped and the Democratic platform said that it's not true."
- "Christ said marriage is between one man and his woman slave and the Democratic platform said that it's not true."
I'll add one for good measure - Christ said absolutely nothing about gay marriage, so Steve Fitzgerald has no idea what the hell he's talking about. Amen.
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