I've had some fun with trending hashtags on Twitter over the past 3 weeks. Here are my posts, ordered from the most to the least popular (all my tweets can be viewed here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki):
1) There are now over 200,000 cases of #Coronavirus in this country, with over 5,000 deaths. Last month, you said there were just 15 cases and that number would go down in a couple of days. So is 200,000 less than 15?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
1.2K Likes, 297 Retweets
2) The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Voters
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
1.2K Likes, 286 Retweets
3) I swear, Trump could punch a baby at one of these things and his supporters would say, "Such a great man. Always reaching out to the kids."
#PressBriefing
1.2K Likes, 247 Retweets
4) Two Corinthians Walked Into a Barr. Barr Didn't Press Charges.
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
1.1K Likes, 257 Retweets
5) #DearMrPresident:
Get ready. On November 3rd, this country is going to yell loud and clear, "You're fired!"
943 Likes, 181 Retweets
6) That when someone asks, "What do you have to lose?," you should always listen to that inner voice, which immediately responds, "Everything!"
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
916 Likes, 200 Retweets
7) Ask Not What I Can Do For You; Ask What I Can Do For Me
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
870 Likes, 221 Retweets
8) If Trump sues an ad for defaming him when said ad simply uses his own words against him, wouldn't he in essence be suing himself for defamation?
#coronavirus #DeepThoughts
706 Likes, 188 Retweets
9) Hmm, I see #DennisMiller trending because he was on #Hannity. Great. We have one unintentional comedian and then we have Dennis Miller.
755 Likes, 98 Retweets
10) What's the capital of New York?
A) Albany
B) New York City
C) Buffalo
D) Trump Tower
Hint: It's not D).
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
748 Likes, 102 Retweets
11) A bat was to blame. China was to blame. The LGBT community was to blame. Now oral sex is to blame. Combine all of these & Pat's seemingly uncanny knowledge about #Coronavirus, and it can mean just one thing: The origin of COVID-19 was Pat Robertson blowing a male bat in China.
617 Likes, 166 Retweets
12) I'm all about allowing people to protest, but these #coronavirus protests are f*cking stupid. Do they realize what they're essentially doing? They're protesting lockdowns, wanting to go back to work, yet by protesting in public, they're elongating the lockdowns, & delaying work.
564 Likes, 137 Retweets
13) I Couldn't Fight in the Coronavirus War Because of Bone Spurs
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
557 Likes, 143 Retweets
14) #istandwiththepresident. This guy!
603 Likes, 87 Retweets
15) Trump: "Many doctors are saying great things; that I'm doing great things. Many, many doctors. Dr. Who, Dr. House, Dr. Someguy, Dr. Person, Dr. Alternative, Dr. Doctor, Dr. Youknow, Dr. Yesido, Dr. Kervorkian, etc.
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
530 Likes, 156 Retweets
16) Deny, Deflect, Distract, Make Sh*t Up
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
540 Likes, 111 Retweets
17) What endangered species did your sons kill for you to wind up with that thing on your head?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
485 Likes, 95 Retweets
18) A month ago
Trump: "We only have 15 cases of #Coronavirus. Will be zero in a couple days. No fatalities."
Now
Trump: "Look, if less than a quarter million people die, we'll be doing great, just fantastic, tremendous. Are you tired of winning yet?"
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
325 Likes, 145 Retweets
19) Cause I'm a Grifter; I'm a Cheater; I'm a Liar; and I'm a Cheeto
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
388 Likes, 78 Retweets
20) You once said, and I quote, "I know words; I have the best words, believe me." What is your best word? Hamberder, covfefe, United Shtathes, unpresidented, educatuon, honered, etc.?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
378 Likes, 58 Retweets
21) "McConnell: Impeachment distracted gov't from coronavirus threat"
So you're admitting your dear leader can't focus on his job, even during a crisis, if there's anything being said about him he doesn't like? He sounds unfit to lead. Remove him.
https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/490335-mcconnell-impeachment-distracted-government-from-coronavirus-threat
#Coronavirus
316 Likes, 92 Retweets
22) #DearMrPresident:
In history books, what will be noted directly under your name: "the president who tried to kill democracy" or "the president who didn't care when Americans got killed by Coronavirus"?
328 Likes, 73 Retweets
23) That when writing a research paper, all you need to include under citations is "many people are saying," and you should receive full credit.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
323 Likes, 67 Retweets
24) Because when someone has been a failure at everything in their 70+ years of life, I don't think to myself, "You know what? He should be elected president. The guy is due."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
319 Likes, 70 Retweets
25) Starts a Bible reading by saying, "Just for the record, I like people who weren't crucified."
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
318 Likes, 68 Retweets
26) All Covfefe, No Responsibility
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
319 Likes, 66 Retweets
27) That even if you lie more than Pinocchio on speed; have less experience than a fetus of a pregnant Barbie doll; and possess less knowledge than a crash test dummy nicknamed Eric, you can still become president.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
315 Likes, 67 Retweets
28) As Stephen Colbert once said, "It is a well known fact that reality has a liberal bias."
#coronavirus
310 Likes, 46 Retweets
29) 1) Donald Trump says fake news is bad for America.
2) Donald Trump is the #1 propagator of fake news.
3) Therefore Donald Trump has essentially admitted he is bad for America.
#Coronavirus
263 Likes, 84 Retweets
30) Do you always ignore a crisis for two months after first approached with it? If your doctor said that you had cancer, would you respond, "Okay, doc. Let's just let this ride for 2 months, not do anything, and see what happens."?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
254 Likes, 65 Retweets
31) You ignore the virus for 2 months.
- A month ago, you tell us there are only 15 cases, we'll be down to zero in a couple days, and you've got things under control.
- As of right now, there are over 68,000 cases; 1,000+ have died; and we're on pace to have more cases than any other country.
- You continue to lie to the American people about #Coronavirus, placing lives at risk in the process.
- You repeatedly illustrate to the world you care more about your Dow Jones than you do about people's health and well-being.
- After the Senate passes a bill, you now tell the country, "Congratulations!"?
What the hell is wrong with you?
242 Likes, 63 Retweets
32) "Franklin Graham tells Jeanine Pirro coronavirus pandemic is because of people sinning"
You mean like the traitorous, adulterous, money-laundering, sexual-assaulting, pathological-lying fraud in the White House?
https://rawstory.com/2020/04/watch-franklin-graham-tells-jeanine-pirro-coronavirus-pandemic-is-because-of-people-sinning/
#coronavirus
220 Likes, 80 Retweets
33) Trump: "The reason why we have the most #Coronavirus cases now is because we have the best testing, the best healthcare, the best country in the world. It's really as simple as that. We're the best, so we should have the most of everything."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
240 Likes, 58 Retweets
34) Trump: "If this were a worldwide fire; I waited 2 months after it started to do anything about it, & 200,000 died here instead of 1.7M had I never done anything? I'd say that's pretty good. I'd be like Jesus, w/the addition of killing 200k. Not bad."
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
225 Likes, 66 Retweets
35) Which of the following awards have you won: Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony, Nobel, Medal of Freedom? Oh, I'm being told you haven't won any of them. So sad.
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
243 Likes, 45 Retweets
36) #IfObamaWereStillPOTUS
- Our allies would still be allies
- Uninsured rates would be going down
- The US wouldn't be an international joke
- COVID would've been taken serious immediately
- "Covfefe" still wouldn't be a thing
- We'd have a president who'd lead, as opposed to tweet
232 Likes, 53 Retweets
37) Because I was 8.
Because I was threatened.
Because I felt ashamed.
Because I was frightened.
Because I was confused.
Because I was in denial.
Because I felt guilty.
Because I was just a child.
#WhyIDidntReport
245 Likes, 37 Retweets
38) Because I like presidents who weren't impeached.
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
234 Likes, 47 Retweets
39) In the smallest inkblot in recorded history, Stormy Daniels said, "It's a baby mushroom. Oh, I know; it's Donald Trump's penis!" How does that make you feel?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
225 Likes, 50 Retweets
40) That no matter what the pundits and polls are saying, you mustn't take any election for granted and must head to the booth as if you're the deciding vote.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
195 Likes, 65 Retweets
41) Bernie Bros:
1) They love Bernie Sanders.
2) Sanders is an Independent.
3) Sanders says the #1 objective is beating Donald Trump.
4) Biden is the only one who can beat Trump.
5) Sanders will inevitably endorse Biden.
6) Bernie Bros say #DemExit & they're not voting.
WTF?!?
208 Likes, 48 Retweets
42) "Dr." Phil: "Lockdowns make no sense to me. I mean, 9M people die every year from papercuts. Not only that, but 19k die from standing in trash cans for 2 hrs; 42k die from hitting themselves w/globes; & 6B die from having wrinkles. Guess what? No lockdowns!"
#coronavirus #snark
209 Likes, 41 Retweets
43) That math is BS, for it now seems quite apparent 45 = 666.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
205 Likes, 40 Retweets
44) Trump: "To start off this briefing on the deadly #Coronavirus, which is destroying lives everywhere, I thought I'd tell everyone what you all wanted to know - I'm 1st on Facebook. Okay, now back to the less important stuff - you know, people dying."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
191 Likes, 53 Retweets
45) Trump: "I've talked to the eight fantastic governors who haven't locked down their states. They're doing a great job. They're closing schools; they're wearing masks while sleeping; they're not breathing in public. Just fantastic, tremendous really."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
171 Likes, 55 Retweets
46) "How to Best Handle a Pandemic" by Donald Trump
1) Ignore all warnings
2) Ignore the spread
3) Don't call for national lockdown
4) Hire idiots to lead task forces
5) Stop funding World Health Organization
6) Blame everyone else for 1-5
#coronavirus
154 Likes, 65 Retweets
47) Trump: "It's Good Friday. I'm a Christian. I don't do what Jesus says or does. I like do the opposite. I don't agree with him on a lot of things, but I worship him, and you know, he probably worships me too. We're like the yink & yank or whatever."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
176 Likes, 42 Retweets
48) People don't watch the briefings because they like you or think you'll offer some grand insights. No, you know how people have a tendency to turn their heads at a car wreck?
That's you. You're the car wreck. Congratulations.
#WhiteHouseBriefing
167 Likes, 45 Retweets
49) When I saw Trump had threatened legal action against an ad for using his own words against him, it immediately reminded me of a scene from the film "Liar Liar":
"Objection, your honor!"
"On what grounds?"
"It's extremely damaging to my case!"
"Overruled!"
#coronavirus
173 Likes, 36 Retweets
50) Birx: "The best thing you can do is stay at home. If you don't, you increase the chances of dying."
Trump: "With all due respect to the doctor, if you stay at home, you can die too."
...and the award for Inspirer of the Year goes to Donald Trump.
#WhiteHouseBriefing
152 Likes, 54 Retweets
50) Trump's Opening Up America Again plan:
1) Do none of the work.
2) Take all of the credit.
3) The end.
#Coronavirus #PressBriefing
156 Likes, 50 Retweets
52) Only Donald Trump would refer to a disaster as winning. I guess he has to, for his entire "presidency" has been an unprecedented disaster.
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
157 Likes, 48 Retweets
53) Because the country has already burned down once. Why in the world would I want to rehire the arsonist who started the fire in the first place?
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
167 Likes, 36 Retweets
53) Trump: "I'm not giving them a heads-up; I'm giving them a warning. Big difference. BIG difference!"
Definition of "heads-up": "An advance warning of something."
He knows the best words...
#WhiteHouseBriefing #coronavirus
181 Likes, 22 Retweets
55) Trump: "I'm not blaming nobody. We never could've expected something like this. I mean, a virus? What's that? No one, not even doctors, had ever heard of a virus before. The word just came out. Virus comes from the French word vagina, meaning very bad."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
156 Likes, 42 Retweets
56) Trump: "When you're famous, they let you do anything. Grab 'em by the p*ssy, anything."
Pence: "The president is clearly talking about saving cats from a burning animal shelter."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
148 Likes, 41 Retweets
57) Trump
Jan: "We've got this totally under control."
Feb: "We've got 15 cases, & that'll go down to 0 soon. 0 deaths."
Mar: "We've pretty much got this under control."
Apr: "We're all going to die, & even though I had it under control, I take 0 responsibility."
#coronavirus #Snark
134 Likes, 54 Retweets
58) Keeping Me Outta Jail
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
154 Likes, 33 Retweets
59) Trump: "Antibiotics used to cure everything, including AIDS and missing fingers, but this virus is very smart, brilliant really. It's said to have an IQ of almost 100 and speaks more languages than my dear Melanie. It's a genius, folks, bigly."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
145 Likes, 34 Retweets
59) Trump: "We're going to build a big, beautiful wall and make Mexico pay for it."
Pence: "I think what the president is saying is we're all in this together. Like that one song says, 'we're all bricks in a wall.' I believe that was Allison Cooper."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
145 Likes, 34 Retweets
61) #DearMrPresident:
Your 2016 slogan was "Make America Great Again!" and your 2020 slogan is "Keep America Great!" Resign and you'll immediately make America greater. Oh, and take Ghost Pence with you. Thanks.
148 Likes, 29 Retweets
62) Trump: "Why don't you ask this question in a positive way? If I shot someone on 5th Ave., why not ask the question, 'When you fired the gun in the most manly way possible, why do you think the guy's face got in the way of your mighty bullet?'"
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
140 Likes, 35 Retweets
63) #DearMrPresident:
Every time you spew nonsense at one of your briefings (which is any time you move your lips), you place American lives at risk. So if you really want to help minimize the death total, put your mouth on lockdown.
138 Likes, 34 Retweets
64) For those downplaying #coronavirus, pointing to 2017-18, when 61,000 died from the flu in this country, & saying, "That's more than will die from COVID," you're not getting the whole picture.
On average, a person who's been infected w/an ordinary flu goes on to infect 1.3 people. Someone w/#coronavirus infects an average of 2.2 people. Calculate these numbers, and if no lockdowns were implemented, approximately 48,479,141 Americans would have been infected w/COVID.
To this point, 629,286 people have tested positive for #coronavirus in the US. Of those, 28,345 have died - a death rate of 4.5%.
48,479,141 x .045 = 2,181,561 deaths
126 Likes, 43 Retweets
65) So where can I pick up some Trump Steaks and Vodka?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
145 Likes, 20 Retweets
66) I swear I just heard Donald Trump repeatedly pronounce "under siege" as "under sheesh": "We're so under sheesh, like totally under sheesh, so much sheesh, we've never seen so much sheesh, believe me!"
#WhiteHouseBriefing #coronavirus #Snark
129 Likes, 34 Retweets
67) As in why is the "leader" of a country trying to silence a free press trying to report the truth about him? Easy. You're a wannabe dictator, who knows if the full truth gets out, as you once said yourself, you're "f*cked."
#coronavirus
120 Likes, 37 Retweets
68) Trump: "I hearby declare I will make American great again! Our educatuon are unpresidented, bigly, & Marine Core brings peach to everyone. We can eat hamberders because of how they always covfefe the United Shtathes.
The smocking gun here is the orange of the principals of this wonerful country. We're so strong, it's rediculous. When anyone confronts us, it's a lose-loose situation for them. I'm honered to serve, will keep our boarder safe, & help this nation heel."
#TrumpIsAnIdiot #Snark
128 Likes, 26 Retweets
69) That facts are fiction; debunked conspiracies are facts; left is right; up is down; black is white; and orange is the new crazy.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
121 Likes, 32 Retweets
70) Wow, my snark must really be on today. Dammit, Donald, stop being so stupid and making it increasingly more difficult for my followers to decipher whether my tweets are jokes or actual quotes you uttered!
#whitehousePressconference
129 Likes, 23 Retweets
71) #WhiteHouseBriefing Fact-check
Trump: "We're testing more than anybody in the world, the best testing."
The US has provided more tests than any other country, with 2,489,786 and counting, but that's just 0.76% of the population and the US ranks 40th in tests p/1M population.
27) Australia 13,269
28) Lithuania 13,243
29) Hong Kong 12,900
30) Singapore 12,423
31) New Zealand 11,548
32) Denmark 11,176
33) Ireland 10,734
34) Czechia 10,725
35) Aruba 9,910
36) Canada 9,812
36) South Korea 9,812
38) New Caledonia 9,135
39) Spain 7,593
40) USA 7,522
worldometers.info/coronavirus/
89 Likes, 59 Retweets
72) Ingraham: "Why? Why do we need a vaccine for COVID-19? We didn't need them for: a broken nail; bad hair day; cooties; the Loch Ness monster; sleep in the eye; something I call morning moustache; etc."
Fauci: "WTF? I mean, please just trust me; I'm a doctor."
#coronavirus #Snark
115 Likes, 30 Retweets
73) Because when we receive warnings about a crisis in November, I don't want a president to say, "The best thing to do is twiddle our thumbs until March, and then, and only then, will we get serious, bigly."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
106 Likes, 38 Retweets
73) Trump's "perfect" wall gets blown over by a slight breeze. His "perfect" call gets him impeached. His "perfect" #coronavirus strategy gets thousands of people killed. At this rate, we better all hope he doesn't declare the "perfect" war. Just sayin'.
111 Likes, 33 Retweets
73) Trump: "If I didn't ban Jiiina, instead of 3 million, we woulda lost 6-7 million."
"What makes you think we would have lost 6-7 million?"
DT: "I never said that. I said 6-7 million."
"That's what I said."
DT: "No, you said 6-7 million."
"I know..."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
113 Likes, 31 Retweets
Trump: "If she weren't my daughter, I'd probably be dating her."
76) Pence: "What I think the president was saying is that, as a Republican, he's all about guns, God, and family values - very, very close family values."
#PenceTranslatesTrump
109 Likes, 30 Retweets
77) Trump: "My wall is doing incredible things. We've never seen a wall like this. It's stopping drugs, rapists, bad people. Not only that, it's blocking the #Coronavirus from entering from Mexico. It's got this magnetic, but opposite force that shoos away the virus."
#Snark
105 Likes, 31 Retweets
77) Because I don't want to wake up at 3 in the morning; decide to see what's going on in the world of Twitter; and see the "president" tweeting about "smocking guns," "hamberders," and/or "covfefe."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
110 Likes, 26 Retweets
79) Descartes was known for saying, "I think, therefore I am." If that's true, does that mean you don't actually exist?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
115 Likes, 19 Retweets
80) Who the f*ck is that seemingly nameless guy/person you're always talking about?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
117 Likes, 15 Retweets
81) If #coronavirus were stage-4 cancer...
Trump:
1) "After the doctor tells you about it, ignore it for 70 days."
2) "When it's found to have spread to uncontrollable levels, blame the doctor."
3) "Try to go back to work around the next big holiday."
#TrumpIsAnIdiot #Snark
94 Likes, 35 Retweets
82) "GOP lawmakers, protesters call on DeWine to begin re-opening Ohio"
OMG! That photo... http://dispatch.com/news/20200413/gop-lawmakers-protesters-call-on-dewine-to-begin-re-opening-ohio
#coronavirus
96 Likes, 32 Retweets
82) Anymore, when someone is riding my ass on the road, I wish I had a bumper sticker which read, "Please stay at least 6 feet behind me. My car has #coronavirus."
114 Likes, 14 Retweets
84) I think you mixed up some words. Let me help you.
Trump's dishonesty is so over the top. We actually need a good president right now-being honest & seeking the truth. Instead we get a narcissistic, fact-hating president & we discount whatever he tells us.
Fixed it.
#coronavirus
103 Likes, 24 Retweets
84) Isn't it amazing how just about everyone who chanted "Lock her up!" for Hillary Clinton, with whom you're affiliated, are they themselves either locked up or about to be, including yourself?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
106 Likes, 21 Retweets
86) God, Donald Trump is such a jacka*s, "bigly."
#WhiteHouseBriefing
106 Likes, 18 Retweets
87) USA STRONGER WITHOUT TRUMP!
There, fixed it for you. You're welcome.
#coronavirus
98 Likes, 24 Retweets
88) Trump: "Let's send the black guy up to tell black people to step up, stop drinking, smoking, & doing drugs. Yeah, that'll teach 'em! Oh, but be sure he says this has nothing to do with race & everyone should be seen & treated as equals."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark #JeromeAdams
95 Likes, 26 Retweets
89) Trump: "Make America great again!"
He obstructs justice & then gets impeached for blackmailing a foreign country.
Trump: "Keeping America great!"
He ignores a pandemic & sees deaths soar, markets collapse, & unemployment skyrocket.
Reminds me of something...
#TrumpIsAnIdiot
84 Likes, 33 Retweets
90) With Gov. Pritzker announcing the WH had sent the wrong protective face masks, expect Trump to say this at his presser today:
"We've now sent 40,000 Patriots helmets; 1 million shin guards; 450 shoulder pads; & 19 mouth-guards. It's been just unbelievable."
#coronavirus #Snark
83 Likes, 31 Retweets
91) Dear Trumpers:
We will beat this "invisible enemy" in spite of Donald Trump, not because of him.
#coronavirus
94 Likes, 17 Retweets
92) I'll Build a Big, Beautiful Dictatorship and Make the American People Pay For It
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
78 Likes, 32 Retweets
93) I'm going to start calling these briefings Donny's Midnight Runners, for they come across like a 73-year-old "man" repeatedly talking about his one hit in 1982 and pretending nothing has changed since then.
#WhiteHouseBriefing
87 Likes, 20 Retweets
94) Trump: "I have a great relationship with the blacks."
Pence: "I think the president is simply saying his favorite color is black. I believe him, because first thing every afternoon, he asks for several black crayons for his coloring books."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
91 Likes, 15 Retweets
95) I Know People. I Fire the Best People; Believe Me!
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
88 Likes, 17 Retweets
95) So it's being reported that a very light breeze blew over part of your wall. How do I put this? Hmm... Yeah, what's up with that?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
91 Likes, 14 Retweets
97) Trump: "Open the beaches? That depends. How crowded will the beaches be? Will some beaches just have one or two people? Will they be on top of each other? Will the water be wet? These are the things I need to know before making that decision."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
89 Likes, 15 Retweets
98) Trump's talking about "liberating" Michigan, Minnesota, and Virginia. Really? Here's a #coronavirus breakdown of those states.
Total tests/population
25. MI: 0.985%
37. MN: 0.755%
50. VA: 0.568%
Positive tests/total tests
3. MI: 30.339%
14. VA: 15.289%
44. MN: 4.810%
Deaths/positive tests
2. MI: 7.418%
7. MN: 5.360%
30. VA: 3.084%
#coronavirus
72 Likes, 28 Retweets
98) "Devin Nunes: ‘Overkill’ for California to Cancel School Year Over Coronavirus"
That's pretty rich coming from a guy who canceled his subscription to Brainwave Activity several years ago. https://thedailybeast.com/devin-nunes-says-it-was-overkill-for-california-to-cancel-school-year-over-coronavirus?source=twitter&via=mobile
#coronavirus
82 Likes, 18 Retweets
98) I see Drumpf referred to Charles Schwab as Chuck Schwab earlier today. Given that, expect him to utter these names in the future:
- "Prince Chuck"
- "Charles Norris"
- "'Chuck in Charge'"
- "Charlesy doll"
- "Chuckey horse"
- "Charles E. Cheese"
#PressBriefing
92 Likes, 8 Retweets
101) You lost the election by nearly 3 million votes; you got impeached; your approval rating has never reached an average of 50%. So my question to you is, how does all of this winning feel?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
86 Likes, 11 Retweets
101) What types of cancer do windmills cause?
P.S. If you answer anything but "none," you'll be wrong.
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
91 Likes, 6 Retweets
103) Because when I watch "Caddyshack," and Ty Webb asks Danny Noonan, "Is this Russia? This isn't Russia. Is this Russia?," I want to be able to confidently answer, "F*ck no!"
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
76 Likes, 20 Retweets
104) Trump: "Look, whether one restaurant closes for good or 1 million restaurants close, they'll come back. May not be the same place, same owners. The original owners may be living on the streets or killing themselves, but things will be exactly the same."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
78 Likes, 17 Retweets
105) "'It's Bats*** Crazy to Eat Bats': Bill Maher Blasts Critics Who Say 'Chinese Virus' is Wrong, Inaccurate"
No matter what he wants to call it, after ignoring it for 70 days here in the States, it essentially became the Trumpvirus.
https://newsweek.com/cornavirus-bill-maher-chinese-virus-racist-1497397
#coronavirus
70 Likes, 20 Retweets
106) People are dying, and you have the gall to talk/brag about television ratings? God, you're sick.
#coronavirus
75 Likes, 14 Retweets
107) Impeach Me Once, Shame On You; You Can't Get Impeached Again.
*Yes, Actually You Can.
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
67 Likes, 20 Retweets
107) Give a speech from the Oval Office, where he brags about all the Commandments he's broken
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
69 Likes, 18 Retweets
107) Dumb & Dumber & Even Dumber & Dumbest & Even Dumber Than That
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
74 Likes, 13 Retweets
107) The Man Who Thought He Knew Too Much
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
80 Likes, 7 Retweets
111) Do Unto Others What a Hangry, Coked-Up Great White Shark Would Do Unto You
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
72 Likes, 13 Retweets
111) How people react...
When Cuomo speaks: "Okay, yeah, he's just telling it like it is."
When Biden speaks: "Aw, tomorrow will be a better day!"
When Trump speaks: "Mm, where are the subtitles?"
#coronavirus
75 Likes, 10 Retweets
111) Making it his life's mission to find Jesus's birth certificate
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
75 Likes, 10 Retweets
114) Yes.
#coronavirus
62 Likes, 22 Retweets
115) Saying the US has tested more than any other country in the world is akin to this:
1) CA has tested 190,328
2) TN has tested 70,677
3) Therefore CA has run more tests than TN
4) However, 190,328 is just 0.477% of CA's population, whereas 70,677 is 1.025% of TN's
#coronavirus
66 Likes, 16 Retweets
116) Because I don't want to feel a certain level of guilt when having to tell my son, "Yes, that is who the country elected as president, and I voted for his fraudulent, abusive, narcissistic, sexist, racist, xenophobic, traitorous, pathological lying ass."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
64 Likes, 17 Retweets
116) Due to all of his poor decisions (or non-decisions), he now owns the virus in this country. It's no longer COVID-19 or Coronavirus. It's now COVID-45 or Trumpvirus.
#coronavirus
69 Likes, 12 Retweets
116) During my series of #QuestionsThatTriggerTrump last night, a Trumper responded by saying, "That's just how he talks. Making fun of it is like making fun of a kid with a lisp."
No, this hypothetical kid with a lisp is undoubtedly a "bigly" better speaker than Trump.
70 Likes, 11 Retweets
119) Meet the F*ckers
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
69 Likes, 10 Retweets
119) Yeah, and hire Dr. House because he plays one on TV...
#FireFauci #coronavirus
73 Likes, 6 Retweets
121) Yeah, because he actually cares about people's health and well-being. You wouldn't know anything about that...
#coronavirus
68 Likes, 10 Retweets
122) Have Melania give a #BeBest speech, where she does nothing but plagiarize Jesus
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
64 Likes, 12 Retweets
123) "Protesters against stay-at-home order block Lansing streets in 'Operation Gridlock'"
Genius! How many people are actually using those streets during a pandemic/lockdown right now? That'd be like protesting Blockbuster Video tomorrow... https://wwmt.com/news/state/protesters-against-stay-at-home-order-block-lansing-streets-in-operation-gridlock
#coronavirus
59 Likes, 15 Retweets
123) The word is "responsibility." That's "responsibility." One last time - "responsibility."
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
64 Likes, 10 Retweets
125) Is it relevant India has 4.5x the population of the US and yet the US has 68.5x more #Coronavirus deaths?
https://worldometers.info/world-population/population-by-country/
https://worldometers.info/coronavirus/
57 Likes, 16 Retweets
125) If GOP ads were honest...
"You live, you die. Whether it's via mass sporking or #Coronavirus. That's life. We vow to increase the odds of you dying soon, because as the ladies always say, 'faster is better.' So vote for us & hope to last 4 more years. You probably won't."
#Snark
58 Likes, 15 Retweets
125) Rise from a 3-hour nap, and as a result, constantly compare himself to Jesus
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
59 Likes, 14 Retweets
That no matter how ugly and awful a person is, so long as said individual isn't Donald
125) Trump, there's someone out there who's worse, "bigly."
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
63 Likes, 10 Retweets
125) I Have a Dream. You're Not in It.
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
65 Likes, 8 Retweets
130) Trump: "You're a sorry excuse for a reporter. Like third-rate. You'll never make it."
Pence: "What I think the president means is that no matter who you are, Jesus loves you. He loves me; he loves you, sir; and he loves my wife - Mother."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
60 Likes, 12 Retweets
131) The original author, as Tommy Lee notes, is Craig Alan Wilkins.
#tommylee
53 Likes, 17 Retweets
131) A Briefing a Day Helps Keep the Truth Away
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
54 Likes, 16 Retweets
133) Another Prick For a Wall
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
55 Likes, 12 Retweets
133) Why, so they can shoot at and kill the "hoax" virus?
#coronavirus
56 Likes, 11 Retweets
135) Joe Pizza? Seriously? Okay, you got us. Whoever's punking us, you can stop now. It's not funny anymore. Well, I guess one silver lining here is we finally got our #PizzaGate.
49 Likes, 17 Retweets
136) I Prefer Countries That Don't Have Freedom
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
52 Likes, 13 Retweets
136) Trump: "I know more about ISIS than even the generals do."
Pence: "He's clearly referring to the workers at Dollar General. I've met them. They're very nice people, but they don't know nearly as much about ISIS as the president does; that I can tell you."
#PenceTranslatesTrump
54 Likes, 11 Retweets
138) Lie Hard 2: Lie Harder
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
51 Likes, 10 Retweets
139) This is a joke, right? It has to be a joke. Just a month ago, your dear leader declared that there were just 15 cases of #Coronavirus in the US and we'd be down to 0 in a couple days, with no fatalities. Now you're saying if less than 200,000 die, it'll be a success?
46 Likes, 14 Retweets
139) Trump: "We need to go back to work and quickly. Look, we're not just going back to work. We'll be social distancing. You know, shaking hands; breathing into the mouths of strangers; making out with people who are coughing. We're gonna be smart, bigly."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
51 Likes, 9 Retweets
141) Because I want to watch "Idiocracy" and not think it's the 6 o'clock news.
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
51 Likes, 7 Retweets
142) Trump: "We acted very early, banning China, Europe, and then UK, which is part of the continent Asia Zsa Gabor, right next to Nambia."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
49 Likes, 7 Retweets
143) You're so full of it. You haven't done anything, other than give yourself credit for what you didn't do and brag about ratings at your hate rallies, excuse me, #pressbriefings.
#coronavirus
42 Likes, 13 Retweets
144) My favorite Indian restaurant (Cumin & Curry) in the Columbus area is hurting due to business post-#Coronavirus. If there's anyone in the area who can chip in, it'd be greatly appreciated. Good people and great food.
All carry-out orders are 15% off through their homepage & you can order free delivery through GrubHub & UberEats. Delivery is also available via DoorDash.
Cumin & Curry
4155 Morse Crossing
Columbus, OH 43219
(614) 470-6975
http://cuminandcurry.com
36 Likes, 18 Retweets
144) Trump: "He's not a hero. He's a hero because he got captured. I like people who weren't captured."
Pence: "I've never seen the president so sensitive. Isn't this all of us? Don't we all wish no soldier was captured? No truer words were ever spoken."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
43 Likes, 11 Retweets
144) That those anti-drug programs we had to take as kids obviously never took into consideration the possibility of Donald Trump becoming president.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
45 Likes, 9 Retweets
147) I really think Trump just looks at numbers & thinks, "2 is always better than 1," b/c 2 is greater than 1. I can seriously hear him saying and believing, "Yeah, I traded 90% of California for 100% of Wyoming. Great deal for me. 100 is bigger than 90."
#whitehousePressconference
41 Likes, 12 Retweets
148) Because I think kids should read; learn; go to school; play outside; catch lightning bugs; just be kids. I don't think they should run the country.
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
46 Likes, 6 Retweets
149) The Ten Broken Commandments
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
44 Likes, 7 Retweets
149) Instead of doing an Easter egg hunt, he has kids look for hamberders
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
44 Likes, 7 Retweets
149) Trump slogans in chronological order:
1) Make America Great Again
2) Keeping America Great
3) Opening Up America Again
That's right, folks - Trump made and kept America so great, he's got a plan to open it back up again! Yay us! Winning!
#Coronavirus #PressBriefing
45 Likes, 6 Retweets
152) I Am What I Eat. Lots of Whoppers.
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
44 Likes, 6 Retweets
153) I'm the GOAT Who Lost By 3 Million Votes
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
41 Likes, 7 Retweets
153) #IfObamaWereStillPOTUS
Instead of bragging about the ratings of press briefings, which were prompted by thousands of people dying daily, he'd say, "The kid who died, if I had a son, he might look like him."
43 Likes, 5 Retweets
155) Write "water, deep, the deepest and wettest water like ever" on White House carpet with a Sharpie, walk across it, and then say, "Why did Jesus make this out to be so hard?"
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
40 Likes, 7 Retweets
156) Trump: "I love the poorly educated!"
Pence: "Donald loves the little children, all the children of the world. White and orange, dumb and poor, he wants their folks' votes all the more. Donald loves the little children of the world."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
39 Likes, 6 Retweets
157) Apparently like Mike Judge ("Idiocracy"), Marilyn Manson is psychic.
"The Fight Song" (2000):
"The death of one is a tragedy,
The death of one is a tragedy,
The death of one is a tragedy,
The death of millions is just a statistic."
Isn't that right, Donald?
#WhiteHouseBriefing
36 Likes, 8 Retweets
157) That'd be like a bad-acting "president" calling anyone stupid. Oh, wait...
#Coronavirus
33 Likes, 11 Retweets
157) Earlier today, I saw a car decked out with mini-American flags and the message "TRUST YOUR PRESIDENT" spread across the back windshield.
Psst, I did. Then you had to go and "elect" this clown...
#coronavirus
40 Likes, 4 Retweets
160) "Hobby Lobby reopens dozens of stores in defiance of coronavirus lockdowns"
So much for being "pro-life"...
https://rawstory.com/2020/04/hobby-lobby-reopens-dozens-of-stores-in-defiance-of-coronavirus-lockdowns/
#coronavirus
26 Likes, 17 Retweets
160) You see, kids? This is what cocaine abuse can do to you.
#coronavirus
36 Likes, 7 Retweets
160) Display for the world his magic trick, where he says he turns water into Coke by pouring Coke into an empty water bottle
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
38 Likes, 5 Retweets
160) 350 Lbs. of Pure Muscle and Big Macs
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
41 Likes, 2 Retweets
164) Trump: "We've done an unbelievable job with supplies, more supplies than anybody else. Population doesn't matter. If California makes 15k masks for 30M people and Wyoming makes 14,999 for 500,000 people, California's people are in better shape. Period."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
31 Likes, 11 Retweets
164) #PizzaGate pusher's hoax movie, #Hoaxed, gets axed as a new (Joe) PizzaGate comes to light.
Not even I can make sh*t like this up...
34 Likes, 8 Retweets
164) That even if you're ranked dead last in your class, and it's not even close, you can seriously still do anything.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
37 Likes, 5 Retweets
167) Titanic: Fake Iceberg
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
33 Likes, 8 Retweets
167) Was it always your dream to look like a human Cheeto?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
35 Likes, 6 Retweets
167) Putin America First
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
36 Likes, 5 Retweets
167) Going around the table, telling Two-Corinthians-went-to-a-bar jokes
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
37 Likes, 4 Retweets
171) You don't even know what bone-spurs are, do you? Was that your go-to excuse for everything growing up? While other kids in your class were talking about their dogs eating their homework, you said, "Hey, teach! Couldn't do it. Bone-spurs."?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
31 Likes, 9 Retweets
171) I Know Prisoners. I Hire the Best Prisoners; Believe Me!
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
33 Likes, 7 Retweets
171) Making Russia Great Again
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
35 Likes, 5 Retweets
171) Trump: "Knock the crap out of 'em."
Pence: "I think the president is talking about a very important issue here - constipation. He's asking, out of the kindness of their hearts, for people to buy that man some laxatives."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
37 Likes, 3 Retweets
175) Trump: "There's nothing racist about calling it the Chinese Virus, because that's where it came from, but yeah, it's a hoax - a deadly one."
Pence: "Mm, no. He said the virus is deadly and it's a hoax to think he doesn't have any Chinese friends."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
33 Likes, 6 Retweets
175) Easter? May 1st? Trump keeps trying to find the perfect day to reopen the country (even though he doesn't actually have the power to do that). In the next week, I predict he'll finally decide:
"April 25th b/c it's not too hot or cold. All you need is a light jacket."
#coronavirus
33 Likes, 6 Retweets
175) Okay, so there's something I've gotta ask. There's this rumor going around. I mean, the whole world is talking about it, but I wanted to ask you face-to-face. Sooo, you were impeached?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
36 Likes, 3 Retweets
178) The Only Guarantees in Life Are: Death, Taxes, and Facts Being Biased Against Me
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
32 Likes, 6 Retweets
179) "I" Before "E" and Every Other Letter
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
32 Likes, 5 Retweets
179) He sounds jealous, for he'd never be able to fit under a bed.
Low blow? Yes. Does he deserve it? F*ck yes.
#coronavirus
34 Likes, 3 Retweets
181) I have to imagine Donald Trump thinks all secretaries are beneath him. Now that he's void of an official White House Press Secretary and has been holding daily briefings, I wonder if he realizes he's essentially become his own press secretary...
#WhiteHouseBriefing #DeepThoughts
30 Likes, 5 Retweets
182) Fatal Distraction
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
28 Likes, 6 Retweets
182) Pro-Kids. Pro-Family. I Want to Bang My Daughter.
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
30 Likes, 4 Retweets
182) Using five loaves and two fish, he feeds 5,000 ants
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
31 Likes, 3 Retweets
185) Tell a group of kids his rendition of the Easter-bunny story, where he starts with, "She was Miss March in 1982. Centerfold, bigly."
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
30 Likes, 3 Retweets
186) That it may not be so ridiculous to ask your father for a "tiny" allowance of $1 million.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
28 likes, 4 Retweets
187) Brain-dead Man Talking
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
32 Likes, 2 Retweets
188) Give a briefing where he: talks about the 45 disciples; misquotes Jesus; contradicts parables; pardons a bunny; and claims there's no way even the calendar could have prepared us for this day
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
24 Likes, 9 Retweets
189) Three Men and a Man-Baby
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
30 Likes, 2 Retweets
190) Trump: "I moved on her like a b*tch."
Pence: "Funny story. The president saw a turtle loose one day while walking toward Air Force One, so as he has one with him at all times, he put a leash on it, like he would with a female dog."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
24 Likes, 6 Retweets
190) Wow, here I thought Dr. Drew just looked like a cross between Bob Gunton from "Shawshank..." and Mike Pence. Now he's even sounding like the latter. Yikes!
#coronavirus
25 Likes, 5 Retweets
192) The Orange of Clockwork
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
27 Likes, 3 Retweets
193) Bowling For Concubines
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
27 Likes, 2 Retweets
193) I see that it's both #NationalHighFiveDay and #NationalHornyDay. Given all of the #coronavirus social-distancing guidelines, it seems there's only one way to celebrate both holidays - give yourself a high-five after masturbating.
23 Likes, 6 Retweets
195) Yes We Con!
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
24 Likes, 4 Retweets
196) Pray to himself
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
22 Likes, 4 Retweets
196) Trump: "Africa is full of sh*thole countries!"
Pence: "For the first & likely last time in his perfect life, I think the president may have mixed up the word he used, which I will not repeat, with potholes. Lots of potholes in the country of Africa."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
23 Likes, 3 Retweets
196) Dope In Charge
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
24 Likes, 2 Retweets
199) While You Were Tweeting
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
22 Likes, 2 Retweets
199) When Vlady Met Donny
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
22 Likes, 2 Retweets
201) Build a big, beautiful wall around a Jesus statue and make the rabbits pay for it
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
20 Likes, 3 Retweets
201) When you try to give a newborn baby five and she has to give you two to match the size of your tiny hand, how does that make you feel?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
21 Likes, 2 Retweets
203) A Delayed Response Is Always the Best Response, Bigly
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
19 Likes, 3 Retweets
204) I'll Give You Chaos If You Give Me Votes. No Quid Pro Quo.
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
19 Likes, 3 Retweets
204) Don't you think you've taken it a bit far, after hearing another say, "You literally can't spell the 'United States of America' without 'Russia.'"?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
20 Likes, 2 Retweets
206) Yes, it was necessary because of people such as yourself not taking this seriously.
...and so you're saying Mike DeWine is a communist? Really?!? Look who's telling who to wake up...
#coronavirus
17 Likes, 4 Retweets
206) Passion of the Antichrist
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
20 Likes, 1 Retweet
206) Ask Russia, if they're listening, for Jesus's missing telegraphs
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
20 Likes, 1 Retweet
209) It was 12,469, which #COVID19 has now surpassed (12,548).
https://cdc.gov/flu/pandemic-resources/2009-h1n1-pandemic.html
https://worldometers.info/coronavirus/
#coronavirus
13 Likes, 7 Retweets
210) The Sick Sense
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
16 Likes, 2 Retweets
210) That's 12,469. If you had been in charge, though, 17k probably would have died the first day.
https://cdc.gov/flu/pandemic-resources/2009-h1n1-pandemic.html
#coronavirus
16 Likes, 2 Retweets
212) Putin Vladimir First
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
15 Likes, 2 Retweets
213) My Mushroom Is Smaller Than Yours
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
15 Likes, 1 Retweet
214) Days of Blunder
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
13 Likes, 2 Retweets
215) Find a way to bankrupt it
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
9 Likes, 5 Retweets
215) Robin Hood: Dunce of Thieves
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
13 Likes, 1 Retweet
217) Sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
10 Likes, 3 Retweets
218) Space Force: A New Dope
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
12 Likes, 0 Retweets
219) Fill kids' Easter baskets with Trump Steaks and Vodka
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
8 Likes, 3 Retweets
220) Report Minorities
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
8 Likes, 2 Retweets
220) The Usual Convicts
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
9 Likes, 1 Retweet
220) Flushed Away....10-15 Times
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
9 Likes, 1 Retweet
223) The Mighty F*cks 2: FU
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
9 Likes, 0 Retweets
224) History of the World: Part Never
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
5 Likes, 2 Retweets
224) Quarantine several Bibles and claim he's doing his part
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
6 Likes, 1 Retweet
226) Lip sync "Jailhouse Rock" to the song "Jesus Loves Me"
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
5 Likes, 0 Retweets
227) Practice social-distancing with morals
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
4 Likes, 0 Retweets
Totals: 32,595 Likes, 7,399 Retweets (Averages of 143.6 Likes, 32.6 Retweets)
1) There are now over 200,000 cases of #Coronavirus in this country, with over 5,000 deaths. Last month, you said there were just 15 cases and that number would go down in a couple of days. So is 200,000 less than 15?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
1.2K Likes, 297 Retweets
2) The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Voters
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
1.2K Likes, 286 Retweets
3) I swear, Trump could punch a baby at one of these things and his supporters would say, "Such a great man. Always reaching out to the kids."
#PressBriefing
1.2K Likes, 247 Retweets
4) Two Corinthians Walked Into a Barr. Barr Didn't Press Charges.
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
1.1K Likes, 257 Retweets
5) #DearMrPresident:
Get ready. On November 3rd, this country is going to yell loud and clear, "You're fired!"
943 Likes, 181 Retweets
6) That when someone asks, "What do you have to lose?," you should always listen to that inner voice, which immediately responds, "Everything!"
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
916 Likes, 200 Retweets
7) Ask Not What I Can Do For You; Ask What I Can Do For Me
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
870 Likes, 221 Retweets
8) If Trump sues an ad for defaming him when said ad simply uses his own words against him, wouldn't he in essence be suing himself for defamation?
#coronavirus #DeepThoughts
706 Likes, 188 Retweets
9) Hmm, I see #DennisMiller trending because he was on #Hannity. Great. We have one unintentional comedian and then we have Dennis Miller.
755 Likes, 98 Retweets
10) What's the capital of New York?
A) Albany
B) New York City
C) Buffalo
D) Trump Tower
Hint: It's not D).
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
748 Likes, 102 Retweets
11) A bat was to blame. China was to blame. The LGBT community was to blame. Now oral sex is to blame. Combine all of these & Pat's seemingly uncanny knowledge about #Coronavirus, and it can mean just one thing: The origin of COVID-19 was Pat Robertson blowing a male bat in China.
617 Likes, 166 Retweets
12) I'm all about allowing people to protest, but these #coronavirus protests are f*cking stupid. Do they realize what they're essentially doing? They're protesting lockdowns, wanting to go back to work, yet by protesting in public, they're elongating the lockdowns, & delaying work.
564 Likes, 137 Retweets
13) I Couldn't Fight in the Coronavirus War Because of Bone Spurs
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
557 Likes, 143 Retweets
14) #istandwiththepresident. This guy!
603 Likes, 87 Retweets
15) Trump: "Many doctors are saying great things; that I'm doing great things. Many, many doctors. Dr. Who, Dr. House, Dr. Someguy, Dr. Person, Dr. Alternative, Dr. Doctor, Dr. Youknow, Dr. Yesido, Dr. Kervorkian, etc.
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
530 Likes, 156 Retweets
16) Deny, Deflect, Distract, Make Sh*t Up
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
540 Likes, 111 Retweets
17) What endangered species did your sons kill for you to wind up with that thing on your head?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
485 Likes, 95 Retweets
18) A month ago
Trump: "We only have 15 cases of #Coronavirus. Will be zero in a couple days. No fatalities."
Now
Trump: "Look, if less than a quarter million people die, we'll be doing great, just fantastic, tremendous. Are you tired of winning yet?"
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
325 Likes, 145 Retweets
19) Cause I'm a Grifter; I'm a Cheater; I'm a Liar; and I'm a Cheeto
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
388 Likes, 78 Retweets
20) You once said, and I quote, "I know words; I have the best words, believe me." What is your best word? Hamberder, covfefe, United Shtathes, unpresidented, educatuon, honered, etc.?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
378 Likes, 58 Retweets
21) "McConnell: Impeachment distracted gov't from coronavirus threat"
So you're admitting your dear leader can't focus on his job, even during a crisis, if there's anything being said about him he doesn't like? He sounds unfit to lead. Remove him.
https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/490335-mcconnell-impeachment-distracted-government-from-coronavirus-threat
#Coronavirus
316 Likes, 92 Retweets
22) #DearMrPresident:
In history books, what will be noted directly under your name: "the president who tried to kill democracy" or "the president who didn't care when Americans got killed by Coronavirus"?
328 Likes, 73 Retweets
23) That when writing a research paper, all you need to include under citations is "many people are saying," and you should receive full credit.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
323 Likes, 67 Retweets
24) Because when someone has been a failure at everything in their 70+ years of life, I don't think to myself, "You know what? He should be elected president. The guy is due."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
319 Likes, 70 Retweets
25) Starts a Bible reading by saying, "Just for the record, I like people who weren't crucified."
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
318 Likes, 68 Retweets
26) All Covfefe, No Responsibility
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
319 Likes, 66 Retweets
27) That even if you lie more than Pinocchio on speed; have less experience than a fetus of a pregnant Barbie doll; and possess less knowledge than a crash test dummy nicknamed Eric, you can still become president.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
315 Likes, 67 Retweets
28) As Stephen Colbert once said, "It is a well known fact that reality has a liberal bias."
#coronavirus
310 Likes, 46 Retweets
29) 1) Donald Trump says fake news is bad for America.
2) Donald Trump is the #1 propagator of fake news.
3) Therefore Donald Trump has essentially admitted he is bad for America.
#Coronavirus
263 Likes, 84 Retweets
30) Do you always ignore a crisis for two months after first approached with it? If your doctor said that you had cancer, would you respond, "Okay, doc. Let's just let this ride for 2 months, not do anything, and see what happens."?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
254 Likes, 65 Retweets
31) You ignore the virus for 2 months.
- A month ago, you tell us there are only 15 cases, we'll be down to zero in a couple days, and you've got things under control.
- As of right now, there are over 68,000 cases; 1,000+ have died; and we're on pace to have more cases than any other country.
- You continue to lie to the American people about #Coronavirus, placing lives at risk in the process.
- You repeatedly illustrate to the world you care more about your Dow Jones than you do about people's health and well-being.
- After the Senate passes a bill, you now tell the country, "Congratulations!"?
What the hell is wrong with you?
242 Likes, 63 Retweets
32) "Franklin Graham tells Jeanine Pirro coronavirus pandemic is because of people sinning"
You mean like the traitorous, adulterous, money-laundering, sexual-assaulting, pathological-lying fraud in the White House?
https://rawstory.com/2020/04/watch-franklin-graham-tells-jeanine-pirro-coronavirus-pandemic-is-because-of-people-sinning/
#coronavirus
220 Likes, 80 Retweets
33) Trump: "The reason why we have the most #Coronavirus cases now is because we have the best testing, the best healthcare, the best country in the world. It's really as simple as that. We're the best, so we should have the most of everything."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
240 Likes, 58 Retweets
34) Trump: "If this were a worldwide fire; I waited 2 months after it started to do anything about it, & 200,000 died here instead of 1.7M had I never done anything? I'd say that's pretty good. I'd be like Jesus, w/the addition of killing 200k. Not bad."
#TrumpPressConference #Snark
225 Likes, 66 Retweets
35) Which of the following awards have you won: Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony, Nobel, Medal of Freedom? Oh, I'm being told you haven't won any of them. So sad.
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
243 Likes, 45 Retweets
36) #IfObamaWereStillPOTUS
- Our allies would still be allies
- Uninsured rates would be going down
- The US wouldn't be an international joke
- COVID would've been taken serious immediately
- "Covfefe" still wouldn't be a thing
- We'd have a president who'd lead, as opposed to tweet
232 Likes, 53 Retweets
37) Because I was 8.
Because I was threatened.
Because I felt ashamed.
Because I was frightened.
Because I was confused.
Because I was in denial.
Because I felt guilty.
Because I was just a child.
#WhyIDidntReport
245 Likes, 37 Retweets
38) Because I like presidents who weren't impeached.
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
234 Likes, 47 Retweets
39) In the smallest inkblot in recorded history, Stormy Daniels said, "It's a baby mushroom. Oh, I know; it's Donald Trump's penis!" How does that make you feel?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
225 Likes, 50 Retweets
40) That no matter what the pundits and polls are saying, you mustn't take any election for granted and must head to the booth as if you're the deciding vote.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
195 Likes, 65 Retweets
41) Bernie Bros:
1) They love Bernie Sanders.
2) Sanders is an Independent.
3) Sanders says the #1 objective is beating Donald Trump.
4) Biden is the only one who can beat Trump.
5) Sanders will inevitably endorse Biden.
6) Bernie Bros say #DemExit & they're not voting.
WTF?!?
208 Likes, 48 Retweets
42) "Dr." Phil: "Lockdowns make no sense to me. I mean, 9M people die every year from papercuts. Not only that, but 19k die from standing in trash cans for 2 hrs; 42k die from hitting themselves w/globes; & 6B die from having wrinkles. Guess what? No lockdowns!"
#coronavirus #snark
209 Likes, 41 Retweets
43) That math is BS, for it now seems quite apparent 45 = 666.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
205 Likes, 40 Retweets
44) Trump: "To start off this briefing on the deadly #Coronavirus, which is destroying lives everywhere, I thought I'd tell everyone what you all wanted to know - I'm 1st on Facebook. Okay, now back to the less important stuff - you know, people dying."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
191 Likes, 53 Retweets
45) Trump: "I've talked to the eight fantastic governors who haven't locked down their states. They're doing a great job. They're closing schools; they're wearing masks while sleeping; they're not breathing in public. Just fantastic, tremendous really."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
171 Likes, 55 Retweets
46) "How to Best Handle a Pandemic" by Donald Trump
1) Ignore all warnings
2) Ignore the spread
3) Don't call for national lockdown
4) Hire idiots to lead task forces
5) Stop funding World Health Organization
6) Blame everyone else for 1-5
#coronavirus
154 Likes, 65 Retweets
47) Trump: "It's Good Friday. I'm a Christian. I don't do what Jesus says or does. I like do the opposite. I don't agree with him on a lot of things, but I worship him, and you know, he probably worships me too. We're like the yink & yank or whatever."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
176 Likes, 42 Retweets
48) People don't watch the briefings because they like you or think you'll offer some grand insights. No, you know how people have a tendency to turn their heads at a car wreck?
That's you. You're the car wreck. Congratulations.
#WhiteHouseBriefing
167 Likes, 45 Retweets
49) When I saw Trump had threatened legal action against an ad for using his own words against him, it immediately reminded me of a scene from the film "Liar Liar":
"Objection, your honor!"
"On what grounds?"
"It's extremely damaging to my case!"
"Overruled!"
#coronavirus
173 Likes, 36 Retweets
50) Birx: "The best thing you can do is stay at home. If you don't, you increase the chances of dying."
Trump: "With all due respect to the doctor, if you stay at home, you can die too."
...and the award for Inspirer of the Year goes to Donald Trump.
#WhiteHouseBriefing
152 Likes, 54 Retweets
50) Trump's Opening Up America Again plan:
1) Do none of the work.
2) Take all of the credit.
3) The end.
#Coronavirus #PressBriefing
156 Likes, 50 Retweets
52) Only Donald Trump would refer to a disaster as winning. I guess he has to, for his entire "presidency" has been an unprecedented disaster.
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
157 Likes, 48 Retweets
53) Because the country has already burned down once. Why in the world would I want to rehire the arsonist who started the fire in the first place?
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
167 Likes, 36 Retweets
53) Trump: "I'm not giving them a heads-up; I'm giving them a warning. Big difference. BIG difference!"
Definition of "heads-up": "An advance warning of something."
He knows the best words...
#WhiteHouseBriefing #coronavirus
181 Likes, 22 Retweets
55) Trump: "I'm not blaming nobody. We never could've expected something like this. I mean, a virus? What's that? No one, not even doctors, had ever heard of a virus before. The word just came out. Virus comes from the French word vagina, meaning very bad."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
156 Likes, 42 Retweets
56) Trump: "When you're famous, they let you do anything. Grab 'em by the p*ssy, anything."
Pence: "The president is clearly talking about saving cats from a burning animal shelter."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
148 Likes, 41 Retweets
57) Trump
Jan: "We've got this totally under control."
Feb: "We've got 15 cases, & that'll go down to 0 soon. 0 deaths."
Mar: "We've pretty much got this under control."
Apr: "We're all going to die, & even though I had it under control, I take 0 responsibility."
#coronavirus #Snark
134 Likes, 54 Retweets
58) Keeping Me Outta Jail
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
154 Likes, 33 Retweets
59) Trump: "Antibiotics used to cure everything, including AIDS and missing fingers, but this virus is very smart, brilliant really. It's said to have an IQ of almost 100 and speaks more languages than my dear Melanie. It's a genius, folks, bigly."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
145 Likes, 34 Retweets
59) Trump: "We're going to build a big, beautiful wall and make Mexico pay for it."
Pence: "I think what the president is saying is we're all in this together. Like that one song says, 'we're all bricks in a wall.' I believe that was Allison Cooper."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
145 Likes, 34 Retweets
61) #DearMrPresident:
Your 2016 slogan was "Make America Great Again!" and your 2020 slogan is "Keep America Great!" Resign and you'll immediately make America greater. Oh, and take Ghost Pence with you. Thanks.
148 Likes, 29 Retweets
62) Trump: "Why don't you ask this question in a positive way? If I shot someone on 5th Ave., why not ask the question, 'When you fired the gun in the most manly way possible, why do you think the guy's face got in the way of your mighty bullet?'"
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
140 Likes, 35 Retweets
63) #DearMrPresident:
Every time you spew nonsense at one of your briefings (which is any time you move your lips), you place American lives at risk. So if you really want to help minimize the death total, put your mouth on lockdown.
138 Likes, 34 Retweets
64) For those downplaying #coronavirus, pointing to 2017-18, when 61,000 died from the flu in this country, & saying, "That's more than will die from COVID," you're not getting the whole picture.
On average, a person who's been infected w/an ordinary flu goes on to infect 1.3 people. Someone w/#coronavirus infects an average of 2.2 people. Calculate these numbers, and if no lockdowns were implemented, approximately 48,479,141 Americans would have been infected w/COVID.
To this point, 629,286 people have tested positive for #coronavirus in the US. Of those, 28,345 have died - a death rate of 4.5%.
48,479,141 x .045 = 2,181,561 deaths
126 Likes, 43 Retweets
65) So where can I pick up some Trump Steaks and Vodka?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
145 Likes, 20 Retweets
66) I swear I just heard Donald Trump repeatedly pronounce "under siege" as "under sheesh": "We're so under sheesh, like totally under sheesh, so much sheesh, we've never seen so much sheesh, believe me!"
#WhiteHouseBriefing #coronavirus #Snark
129 Likes, 34 Retweets
67) As in why is the "leader" of a country trying to silence a free press trying to report the truth about him? Easy. You're a wannabe dictator, who knows if the full truth gets out, as you once said yourself, you're "f*cked."
#coronavirus
120 Likes, 37 Retweets
68) Trump: "I hearby declare I will make American great again! Our educatuon are unpresidented, bigly, & Marine Core brings peach to everyone. We can eat hamberders because of how they always covfefe the United Shtathes.
The smocking gun here is the orange of the principals of this wonerful country. We're so strong, it's rediculous. When anyone confronts us, it's a lose-loose situation for them. I'm honered to serve, will keep our boarder safe, & help this nation heel."
#TrumpIsAnIdiot #Snark
128 Likes, 26 Retweets
69) That facts are fiction; debunked conspiracies are facts; left is right; up is down; black is white; and orange is the new crazy.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
121 Likes, 32 Retweets
70) Wow, my snark must really be on today. Dammit, Donald, stop being so stupid and making it increasingly more difficult for my followers to decipher whether my tweets are jokes or actual quotes you uttered!
#whitehousePressconference
129 Likes, 23 Retweets
71) #WhiteHouseBriefing Fact-check
Trump: "We're testing more than anybody in the world, the best testing."
The US has provided more tests than any other country, with 2,489,786 and counting, but that's just 0.76% of the population and the US ranks 40th in tests p/1M population.
27) Australia 13,269
28) Lithuania 13,243
29) Hong Kong 12,900
30) Singapore 12,423
31) New Zealand 11,548
32) Denmark 11,176
33) Ireland 10,734
34) Czechia 10,725
35) Aruba 9,910
36) Canada 9,812
36) South Korea 9,812
38) New Caledonia 9,135
39) Spain 7,593
40) USA 7,522
worldometers.info/coronavirus/
89 Likes, 59 Retweets
72) Ingraham: "Why? Why do we need a vaccine for COVID-19? We didn't need them for: a broken nail; bad hair day; cooties; the Loch Ness monster; sleep in the eye; something I call morning moustache; etc."
Fauci: "WTF? I mean, please just trust me; I'm a doctor."
#coronavirus #Snark
115 Likes, 30 Retweets
73) Because when we receive warnings about a crisis in November, I don't want a president to say, "The best thing to do is twiddle our thumbs until March, and then, and only then, will we get serious, bigly."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
106 Likes, 38 Retweets
73) Trump's "perfect" wall gets blown over by a slight breeze. His "perfect" call gets him impeached. His "perfect" #coronavirus strategy gets thousands of people killed. At this rate, we better all hope he doesn't declare the "perfect" war. Just sayin'.
111 Likes, 33 Retweets
73) Trump: "If I didn't ban Jiiina, instead of 3 million, we woulda lost 6-7 million."
"What makes you think we would have lost 6-7 million?"
DT: "I never said that. I said 6-7 million."
"That's what I said."
DT: "No, you said 6-7 million."
"I know..."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
113 Likes, 31 Retweets
Trump: "If she weren't my daughter, I'd probably be dating her."
76) Pence: "What I think the president was saying is that, as a Republican, he's all about guns, God, and family values - very, very close family values."
#PenceTranslatesTrump
109 Likes, 30 Retweets
77) Trump: "My wall is doing incredible things. We've never seen a wall like this. It's stopping drugs, rapists, bad people. Not only that, it's blocking the #Coronavirus from entering from Mexico. It's got this magnetic, but opposite force that shoos away the virus."
#Snark
105 Likes, 31 Retweets
77) Because I don't want to wake up at 3 in the morning; decide to see what's going on in the world of Twitter; and see the "president" tweeting about "smocking guns," "hamberders," and/or "covfefe."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
110 Likes, 26 Retweets
79) Descartes was known for saying, "I think, therefore I am." If that's true, does that mean you don't actually exist?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
115 Likes, 19 Retweets
80) Who the f*ck is that seemingly nameless guy/person you're always talking about?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
117 Likes, 15 Retweets
81) If #coronavirus were stage-4 cancer...
Trump:
1) "After the doctor tells you about it, ignore it for 70 days."
2) "When it's found to have spread to uncontrollable levels, blame the doctor."
3) "Try to go back to work around the next big holiday."
#TrumpIsAnIdiot #Snark
94 Likes, 35 Retweets
82) "GOP lawmakers, protesters call on DeWine to begin re-opening Ohio"
OMG! That photo... http://dispatch.com/news/20200413/gop-lawmakers-protesters-call-on-dewine-to-begin-re-opening-ohio
#coronavirus
96 Likes, 32 Retweets
82) Anymore, when someone is riding my ass on the road, I wish I had a bumper sticker which read, "Please stay at least 6 feet behind me. My car has #coronavirus."
114 Likes, 14 Retweets
84) I think you mixed up some words. Let me help you.
Trump's dishonesty is so over the top. We actually need a good president right now-being honest & seeking the truth. Instead we get a narcissistic, fact-hating president & we discount whatever he tells us.
Fixed it.
#coronavirus
103 Likes, 24 Retweets
84) Isn't it amazing how just about everyone who chanted "Lock her up!" for Hillary Clinton, with whom you're affiliated, are they themselves either locked up or about to be, including yourself?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
106 Likes, 21 Retweets
86) God, Donald Trump is such a jacka*s, "bigly."
#WhiteHouseBriefing
106 Likes, 18 Retweets
87) USA STRONGER WITHOUT TRUMP!
There, fixed it for you. You're welcome.
#coronavirus
98 Likes, 24 Retweets
88) Trump: "Let's send the black guy up to tell black people to step up, stop drinking, smoking, & doing drugs. Yeah, that'll teach 'em! Oh, but be sure he says this has nothing to do with race & everyone should be seen & treated as equals."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark #JeromeAdams
95 Likes, 26 Retweets
89) Trump: "Make America great again!"
He obstructs justice & then gets impeached for blackmailing a foreign country.
Trump: "Keeping America great!"
He ignores a pandemic & sees deaths soar, markets collapse, & unemployment skyrocket.
Reminds me of something...
#TrumpIsAnIdiot
84 Likes, 33 Retweets
90) With Gov. Pritzker announcing the WH had sent the wrong protective face masks, expect Trump to say this at his presser today:
"We've now sent 40,000 Patriots helmets; 1 million shin guards; 450 shoulder pads; & 19 mouth-guards. It's been just unbelievable."
#coronavirus #Snark
83 Likes, 31 Retweets
91) Dear Trumpers:
We will beat this "invisible enemy" in spite of Donald Trump, not because of him.
#coronavirus
94 Likes, 17 Retweets
92) I'll Build a Big, Beautiful Dictatorship and Make the American People Pay For It
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
78 Likes, 32 Retweets
93) I'm going to start calling these briefings Donny's Midnight Runners, for they come across like a 73-year-old "man" repeatedly talking about his one hit in 1982 and pretending nothing has changed since then.
#WhiteHouseBriefing
87 Likes, 20 Retweets
94) Trump: "I have a great relationship with the blacks."
Pence: "I think the president is simply saying his favorite color is black. I believe him, because first thing every afternoon, he asks for several black crayons for his coloring books."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
91 Likes, 15 Retweets
95) I Know People. I Fire the Best People; Believe Me!
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
88 Likes, 17 Retweets
95) So it's being reported that a very light breeze blew over part of your wall. How do I put this? Hmm... Yeah, what's up with that?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
91 Likes, 14 Retweets
97) Trump: "Open the beaches? That depends. How crowded will the beaches be? Will some beaches just have one or two people? Will they be on top of each other? Will the water be wet? These are the things I need to know before making that decision."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
89 Likes, 15 Retweets
98) Trump's talking about "liberating" Michigan, Minnesota, and Virginia. Really? Here's a #coronavirus breakdown of those states.
Total tests/population
25. MI: 0.985%
37. MN: 0.755%
50. VA: 0.568%
Positive tests/total tests
3. MI: 30.339%
14. VA: 15.289%
44. MN: 4.810%
Deaths/positive tests
2. MI: 7.418%
7. MN: 5.360%
30. VA: 3.084%
#coronavirus
72 Likes, 28 Retweets
98) "Devin Nunes: ‘Overkill’ for California to Cancel School Year Over Coronavirus"
That's pretty rich coming from a guy who canceled his subscription to Brainwave Activity several years ago. https://thedailybeast.com/devin-nunes-says-it-was-overkill-for-california-to-cancel-school-year-over-coronavirus?source=twitter&via=mobile
#coronavirus
82 Likes, 18 Retweets
98) I see Drumpf referred to Charles Schwab as Chuck Schwab earlier today. Given that, expect him to utter these names in the future:
- "Prince Chuck"
- "Charles Norris"
- "'Chuck in Charge'"
- "Charlesy doll"
- "Chuckey horse"
- "Charles E. Cheese"
#PressBriefing
92 Likes, 8 Retweets
101) You lost the election by nearly 3 million votes; you got impeached; your approval rating has never reached an average of 50%. So my question to you is, how does all of this winning feel?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
86 Likes, 11 Retweets
101) What types of cancer do windmills cause?
P.S. If you answer anything but "none," you'll be wrong.
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
91 Likes, 6 Retweets
103) Because when I watch "Caddyshack," and Ty Webb asks Danny Noonan, "Is this Russia? This isn't Russia. Is this Russia?," I want to be able to confidently answer, "F*ck no!"
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
76 Likes, 20 Retweets
104) Trump: "Look, whether one restaurant closes for good or 1 million restaurants close, they'll come back. May not be the same place, same owners. The original owners may be living on the streets or killing themselves, but things will be exactly the same."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
78 Likes, 17 Retweets
105) "'It's Bats*** Crazy to Eat Bats': Bill Maher Blasts Critics Who Say 'Chinese Virus' is Wrong, Inaccurate"
No matter what he wants to call it, after ignoring it for 70 days here in the States, it essentially became the Trumpvirus.
https://newsweek.com/cornavirus-bill-maher-chinese-virus-racist-1497397
#coronavirus
70 Likes, 20 Retweets
106) People are dying, and you have the gall to talk/brag about television ratings? God, you're sick.
#coronavirus
75 Likes, 14 Retweets
107) Impeach Me Once, Shame On You; You Can't Get Impeached Again.
*Yes, Actually You Can.
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
67 Likes, 20 Retweets
107) Give a speech from the Oval Office, where he brags about all the Commandments he's broken
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
69 Likes, 18 Retweets
107) Dumb & Dumber & Even Dumber & Dumbest & Even Dumber Than That
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
74 Likes, 13 Retweets
107) The Man Who Thought He Knew Too Much
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
80 Likes, 7 Retweets
111) Do Unto Others What a Hangry, Coked-Up Great White Shark Would Do Unto You
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
72 Likes, 13 Retweets
111) How people react...
When Cuomo speaks: "Okay, yeah, he's just telling it like it is."
When Biden speaks: "Aw, tomorrow will be a better day!"
When Trump speaks: "Mm, where are the subtitles?"
#coronavirus
75 Likes, 10 Retweets
111) Making it his life's mission to find Jesus's birth certificate
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
75 Likes, 10 Retweets
114) Yes.
#coronavirus
62 Likes, 22 Retweets
115) Saying the US has tested more than any other country in the world is akin to this:
1) CA has tested 190,328
2) TN has tested 70,677
3) Therefore CA has run more tests than TN
4) However, 190,328 is just 0.477% of CA's population, whereas 70,677 is 1.025% of TN's
#coronavirus
66 Likes, 16 Retweets
116) Because I don't want to feel a certain level of guilt when having to tell my son, "Yes, that is who the country elected as president, and I voted for his fraudulent, abusive, narcissistic, sexist, racist, xenophobic, traitorous, pathological lying ass."
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
64 Likes, 17 Retweets
116) Due to all of his poor decisions (or non-decisions), he now owns the virus in this country. It's no longer COVID-19 or Coronavirus. It's now COVID-45 or Trumpvirus.
#coronavirus
69 Likes, 12 Retweets
116) During my series of #QuestionsThatTriggerTrump last night, a Trumper responded by saying, "That's just how he talks. Making fun of it is like making fun of a kid with a lisp."
No, this hypothetical kid with a lisp is undoubtedly a "bigly" better speaker than Trump.
70 Likes, 11 Retweets
119) Meet the F*ckers
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
69 Likes, 10 Retweets
119) Yeah, and hire Dr. House because he plays one on TV...
#FireFauci #coronavirus
73 Likes, 6 Retweets
121) Yeah, because he actually cares about people's health and well-being. You wouldn't know anything about that...
#coronavirus
68 Likes, 10 Retweets
122) Have Melania give a #BeBest speech, where she does nothing but plagiarize Jesus
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
64 Likes, 12 Retweets
123) "Protesters against stay-at-home order block Lansing streets in 'Operation Gridlock'"
Genius! How many people are actually using those streets during a pandemic/lockdown right now? That'd be like protesting Blockbuster Video tomorrow... https://wwmt.com/news/state/protesters-against-stay-at-home-order-block-lansing-streets-in-operation-gridlock
#coronavirus
59 Likes, 15 Retweets
123) The word is "responsibility." That's "responsibility." One last time - "responsibility."
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
64 Likes, 10 Retweets
125) Is it relevant India has 4.5x the population of the US and yet the US has 68.5x more #Coronavirus deaths?
https://worldometers.info/world-population/population-by-country/
https://worldometers.info/coronavirus/
57 Likes, 16 Retweets
125) If GOP ads were honest...
"You live, you die. Whether it's via mass sporking or #Coronavirus. That's life. We vow to increase the odds of you dying soon, because as the ladies always say, 'faster is better.' So vote for us & hope to last 4 more years. You probably won't."
#Snark
58 Likes, 15 Retweets
125) Rise from a 3-hour nap, and as a result, constantly compare himself to Jesus
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
59 Likes, 14 Retweets
That no matter how ugly and awful a person is, so long as said individual isn't Donald
125) Trump, there's someone out there who's worse, "bigly."
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
63 Likes, 10 Retweets
125) I Have a Dream. You're Not in It.
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
65 Likes, 8 Retweets
130) Trump: "You're a sorry excuse for a reporter. Like third-rate. You'll never make it."
Pence: "What I think the president means is that no matter who you are, Jesus loves you. He loves me; he loves you, sir; and he loves my wife - Mother."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
60 Likes, 12 Retweets
131) The original author, as Tommy Lee notes, is Craig Alan Wilkins.
#tommylee
53 Likes, 17 Retweets
131) A Briefing a Day Helps Keep the Truth Away
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
54 Likes, 16 Retweets
133) Another Prick For a Wall
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
55 Likes, 12 Retweets
133) Why, so they can shoot at and kill the "hoax" virus?
#coronavirus
56 Likes, 11 Retweets
135) Joe Pizza? Seriously? Okay, you got us. Whoever's punking us, you can stop now. It's not funny anymore. Well, I guess one silver lining here is we finally got our #PizzaGate.
49 Likes, 17 Retweets
136) I Prefer Countries That Don't Have Freedom
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
52 Likes, 13 Retweets
136) Trump: "I know more about ISIS than even the generals do."
Pence: "He's clearly referring to the workers at Dollar General. I've met them. They're very nice people, but they don't know nearly as much about ISIS as the president does; that I can tell you."
#PenceTranslatesTrump
54 Likes, 11 Retweets
138) Lie Hard 2: Lie Harder
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
51 Likes, 10 Retweets
139) This is a joke, right? It has to be a joke. Just a month ago, your dear leader declared that there were just 15 cases of #Coronavirus in the US and we'd be down to 0 in a couple days, with no fatalities. Now you're saying if less than 200,000 die, it'll be a success?
46 Likes, 14 Retweets
139) Trump: "We need to go back to work and quickly. Look, we're not just going back to work. We'll be social distancing. You know, shaking hands; breathing into the mouths of strangers; making out with people who are coughing. We're gonna be smart, bigly."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
51 Likes, 9 Retweets
141) Because I want to watch "Idiocracy" and not think it's the 6 o'clock news.
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
51 Likes, 7 Retweets
142) Trump: "We acted very early, banning China, Europe, and then UK, which is part of the continent Asia Zsa Gabor, right next to Nambia."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
49 Likes, 7 Retweets
143) You're so full of it. You haven't done anything, other than give yourself credit for what you didn't do and brag about ratings at your hate rallies, excuse me, #pressbriefings.
#coronavirus
42 Likes, 13 Retweets
144) My favorite Indian restaurant (Cumin & Curry) in the Columbus area is hurting due to business post-#Coronavirus. If there's anyone in the area who can chip in, it'd be greatly appreciated. Good people and great food.
All carry-out orders are 15% off through their homepage & you can order free delivery through GrubHub & UberEats. Delivery is also available via DoorDash.
Cumin & Curry
4155 Morse Crossing
Columbus, OH 43219
(614) 470-6975
http://cuminandcurry.com
36 Likes, 18 Retweets
144) Trump: "He's not a hero. He's a hero because he got captured. I like people who weren't captured."
Pence: "I've never seen the president so sensitive. Isn't this all of us? Don't we all wish no soldier was captured? No truer words were ever spoken."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
43 Likes, 11 Retweets
144) That those anti-drug programs we had to take as kids obviously never took into consideration the possibility of Donald Trump becoming president.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
45 Likes, 9 Retweets
147) I really think Trump just looks at numbers & thinks, "2 is always better than 1," b/c 2 is greater than 1. I can seriously hear him saying and believing, "Yeah, I traded 90% of California for 100% of Wyoming. Great deal for me. 100 is bigger than 90."
#whitehousePressconference
41 Likes, 12 Retweets
148) Because I think kids should read; learn; go to school; play outside; catch lightning bugs; just be kids. I don't think they should run the country.
#WhyImNotVotingForTrump
46 Likes, 6 Retweets
149) The Ten Broken Commandments
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
44 Likes, 7 Retweets
149) Instead of doing an Easter egg hunt, he has kids look for hamberders
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
44 Likes, 7 Retweets
149) Trump slogans in chronological order:
1) Make America Great Again
2) Keeping America Great
3) Opening Up America Again
That's right, folks - Trump made and kept America so great, he's got a plan to open it back up again! Yay us! Winning!
#Coronavirus #PressBriefing
45 Likes, 6 Retweets
152) I Am What I Eat. Lots of Whoppers.
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
44 Likes, 6 Retweets
153) I'm the GOAT Who Lost By 3 Million Votes
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
41 Likes, 7 Retweets
153) #IfObamaWereStillPOTUS
Instead of bragging about the ratings of press briefings, which were prompted by thousands of people dying daily, he'd say, "The kid who died, if I had a son, he might look like him."
43 Likes, 5 Retweets
155) Write "water, deep, the deepest and wettest water like ever" on White House carpet with a Sharpie, walk across it, and then say, "Why did Jesus make this out to be so hard?"
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
40 Likes, 7 Retweets
156) Trump: "I love the poorly educated!"
Pence: "Donald loves the little children, all the children of the world. White and orange, dumb and poor, he wants their folks' votes all the more. Donald loves the little children of the world."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
39 Likes, 6 Retweets
157) Apparently like Mike Judge ("Idiocracy"), Marilyn Manson is psychic.
"The Fight Song" (2000):
"The death of one is a tragedy,
The death of one is a tragedy,
The death of one is a tragedy,
The death of millions is just a statistic."
Isn't that right, Donald?
#WhiteHouseBriefing
36 Likes, 8 Retweets
157) That'd be like a bad-acting "president" calling anyone stupid. Oh, wait...
#Coronavirus
33 Likes, 11 Retweets
157) Earlier today, I saw a car decked out with mini-American flags and the message "TRUST YOUR PRESIDENT" spread across the back windshield.
Psst, I did. Then you had to go and "elect" this clown...
#coronavirus
40 Likes, 4 Retweets
160) "Hobby Lobby reopens dozens of stores in defiance of coronavirus lockdowns"
So much for being "pro-life"...
https://rawstory.com/2020/04/hobby-lobby-reopens-dozens-of-stores-in-defiance-of-coronavirus-lockdowns/
#coronavirus
26 Likes, 17 Retweets
160) You see, kids? This is what cocaine abuse can do to you.
#coronavirus
36 Likes, 7 Retweets
160) Display for the world his magic trick, where he says he turns water into Coke by pouring Coke into an empty water bottle
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
38 Likes, 5 Retweets
160) 350 Lbs. of Pure Muscle and Big Macs
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
41 Likes, 2 Retweets
164) Trump: "We've done an unbelievable job with supplies, more supplies than anybody else. Population doesn't matter. If California makes 15k masks for 30M people and Wyoming makes 14,999 for 500,000 people, California's people are in better shape. Period."
#WhiteHouseBriefing #Snark
31 Likes, 11 Retweets
164) #PizzaGate pusher's hoax movie, #Hoaxed, gets axed as a new (Joe) PizzaGate comes to light.
Not even I can make sh*t like this up...
34 Likes, 8 Retweets
164) That even if you're ranked dead last in your class, and it's not even close, you can seriously still do anything.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
37 Likes, 5 Retweets
167) Titanic: Fake Iceberg
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
33 Likes, 8 Retweets
167) Was it always your dream to look like a human Cheeto?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
35 Likes, 6 Retweets
167) Putin America First
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
36 Likes, 5 Retweets
167) Going around the table, telling Two-Corinthians-went-to-a-bar jokes
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
37 Likes, 4 Retweets
171) You don't even know what bone-spurs are, do you? Was that your go-to excuse for everything growing up? While other kids in your class were talking about their dogs eating their homework, you said, "Hey, teach! Couldn't do it. Bone-spurs."?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
31 Likes, 9 Retweets
171) I Know Prisoners. I Hire the Best Prisoners; Believe Me!
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
33 Likes, 7 Retweets
171) Making Russia Great Again
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
35 Likes, 5 Retweets
171) Trump: "Knock the crap out of 'em."
Pence: "I think the president is talking about a very important issue here - constipation. He's asking, out of the kindness of their hearts, for people to buy that man some laxatives."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
37 Likes, 3 Retweets
175) Trump: "There's nothing racist about calling it the Chinese Virus, because that's where it came from, but yeah, it's a hoax - a deadly one."
Pence: "Mm, no. He said the virus is deadly and it's a hoax to think he doesn't have any Chinese friends."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
33 Likes, 6 Retweets
175) Easter? May 1st? Trump keeps trying to find the perfect day to reopen the country (even though he doesn't actually have the power to do that). In the next week, I predict he'll finally decide:
"April 25th b/c it's not too hot or cold. All you need is a light jacket."
#coronavirus
33 Likes, 6 Retweets
175) Okay, so there's something I've gotta ask. There's this rumor going around. I mean, the whole world is talking about it, but I wanted to ask you face-to-face. Sooo, you were impeached?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
36 Likes, 3 Retweets
178) The Only Guarantees in Life Are: Death, Taxes, and Facts Being Biased Against Me
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
32 Likes, 6 Retweets
179) "I" Before "E" and Every Other Letter
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
32 Likes, 5 Retweets
179) He sounds jealous, for he'd never be able to fit under a bed.
Low blow? Yes. Does he deserve it? F*ck yes.
#coronavirus
34 Likes, 3 Retweets
181) I have to imagine Donald Trump thinks all secretaries are beneath him. Now that he's void of an official White House Press Secretary and has been holding daily briefings, I wonder if he realizes he's essentially become his own press secretary...
#WhiteHouseBriefing #DeepThoughts
30 Likes, 5 Retweets
182) Fatal Distraction
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
28 Likes, 6 Retweets
182) Pro-Kids. Pro-Family. I Want to Bang My Daughter.
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
30 Likes, 4 Retweets
182) Using five loaves and two fish, he feeds 5,000 ants
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
31 Likes, 3 Retweets
185) Tell a group of kids his rendition of the Easter-bunny story, where he starts with, "She was Miss March in 1982. Centerfold, bigly."
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
30 Likes, 3 Retweets
186) That it may not be so ridiculous to ask your father for a "tiny" allowance of $1 million.
#WhatTrumpHasTaughtUs
28 likes, 4 Retweets
187) Brain-dead Man Talking
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
32 Likes, 2 Retweets
188) Give a briefing where he: talks about the 45 disciples; misquotes Jesus; contradicts parables; pardons a bunny; and claims there's no way even the calendar could have prepared us for this day
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
24 Likes, 9 Retweets
189) Three Men and a Man-Baby
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
30 Likes, 2 Retweets
190) Trump: "I moved on her like a b*tch."
Pence: "Funny story. The president saw a turtle loose one day while walking toward Air Force One, so as he has one with him at all times, he put a leash on it, like he would with a female dog."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
24 Likes, 6 Retweets
190) Wow, here I thought Dr. Drew just looked like a cross between Bob Gunton from "Shawshank..." and Mike Pence. Now he's even sounding like the latter. Yikes!
#coronavirus
25 Likes, 5 Retweets
192) The Orange of Clockwork
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
27 Likes, 3 Retweets
193) Bowling For Concubines
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
27 Likes, 2 Retweets
193) I see that it's both #NationalHighFiveDay and #NationalHornyDay. Given all of the #coronavirus social-distancing guidelines, it seems there's only one way to celebrate both holidays - give yourself a high-five after masturbating.
23 Likes, 6 Retweets
195) Yes We Con!
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
24 Likes, 4 Retweets
196) Pray to himself
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
22 Likes, 4 Retweets
196) Trump: "Africa is full of sh*thole countries!"
Pence: "For the first & likely last time in his perfect life, I think the president may have mixed up the word he used, which I will not repeat, with potholes. Lots of potholes in the country of Africa."
#PenceTranslatesTrump #Snark
23 Likes, 3 Retweets
196) Dope In Charge
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
24 Likes, 2 Retweets
199) While You Were Tweeting
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
22 Likes, 2 Retweets
199) When Vlady Met Donny
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
22 Likes, 2 Retweets
201) Build a big, beautiful wall around a Jesus statue and make the rabbits pay for it
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
20 Likes, 3 Retweets
201) When you try to give a newborn baby five and she has to give you two to match the size of your tiny hand, how does that make you feel?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
21 Likes, 2 Retweets
203) A Delayed Response Is Always the Best Response, Bigly
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
19 Likes, 3 Retweets
204) I'll Give You Chaos If You Give Me Votes. No Quid Pro Quo.
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
19 Likes, 3 Retweets
204) Don't you think you've taken it a bit far, after hearing another say, "You literally can't spell the 'United States of America' without 'Russia.'"?
#QuestionsThatTriggerTrump
20 Likes, 2 Retweets
206) Yes, it was necessary because of people such as yourself not taking this seriously.
...and so you're saying Mike DeWine is a communist? Really?!? Look who's telling who to wake up...
#coronavirus
17 Likes, 4 Retweets
206) Passion of the Antichrist
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
20 Likes, 1 Retweet
206) Ask Russia, if they're listening, for Jesus's missing telegraphs
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
20 Likes, 1 Retweet
209) It was 12,469, which #COVID19 has now surpassed (12,548).
https://cdc.gov/flu/pandemic-resources/2009-h1n1-pandemic.html
https://worldometers.info/coronavirus/
#coronavirus
13 Likes, 7 Retweets
210) The Sick Sense
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
16 Likes, 2 Retweets
210) That's 12,469. If you had been in charge, though, 17k probably would have died the first day.
https://cdc.gov/flu/pandemic-resources/2009-h1n1-pandemic.html
#coronavirus
16 Likes, 2 Retweets
212) Putin Vladimir First
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
15 Likes, 2 Retweets
213) My Mushroom Is Smaller Than Yours
#AccurateTrump2020Slogans
15 Likes, 1 Retweet
214) Days of Blunder
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
13 Likes, 2 Retweets
215) Find a way to bankrupt it
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
9 Likes, 5 Retweets
215) Robin Hood: Dunce of Thieves
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
13 Likes, 1 Retweet
217) Sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
10 Likes, 3 Retweets
218) Space Force: A New Dope
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
12 Likes, 0 Retweets
219) Fill kids' Easter baskets with Trump Steaks and Vodka
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
8 Likes, 3 Retweets
220) Report Minorities
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
8 Likes, 2 Retweets
220) The Usual Convicts
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
9 Likes, 1 Retweet
220) Flushed Away....10-15 Times
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
9 Likes, 1 Retweet
223) The Mighty F*cks 2: FU
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
9 Likes, 0 Retweets
224) History of the World: Part Never
#TrumpFamilyMovieNight
5 Likes, 2 Retweets
224) Quarantine several Bibles and claim he's doing his part
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
6 Likes, 1 Retweet
226) Lip sync "Jailhouse Rock" to the song "Jesus Loves Me"
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
5 Likes, 0 Retweets
227) Practice social-distancing with morals
#TrumpsEasterTraditions
4 Likes, 0 Retweets
Totals: 32,595 Likes, 7,399 Retweets (Averages of 143.6 Likes, 32.6 Retweets)
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