The GOPs new Ten Commandments

With the Republican Party, led by Tea Partiers, getting more and more extreme and seeming to be increasingly clueless on the messages of the Bible, yet pulling scriptures out of their backsides anyway, I think it's about time the party comes up with a new list of Commandments which better suits their beliefs and agenda.

The actual Ten Commandments are as follows:

1. "Thou shalt have no other gods before me."

2. "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image."

3. "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain."

4. "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy."

5. "Honour thy father and thy mother."

6. "Thou shalt not kill."

7. "Thou shalt not commit adultery."

8. "Thou shalt not steal."

9. "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour."

10. "Thou shalt not covet."

Now here is the updated GOP-version of the Ten Commandments:

1. "Thou shalt not kill the innocent, unless they're on death row."

2. "Thou shalt not be gay, except for in college every now and again."

3. "Honour thy gun, fetus, and corporation."

4. "Thou shalt not believe research unless the study was conducted by Jesus."

5. "Remember to wear a condom only if it's a one-night stand and her name is Cinnamon."

6. "Thou shalt not commit adultery unless she's in Argentina." 

7. "Thou shalt not steal, except for land from the Natives."

8. "Thou shalt not let the rich starve."

9. "Thou shalt not judge straight white men."

10. "Thou shalt not go a day without trying to defeat the ultimate evil of this world - Obamacare."