I'm sure this is quite ubiquitous. When a couple breaks up or even if they have yet to break up, but are going through some problems, both parties slant their stories to make them appear as the victim and paint their partner as guilty.
It'd be quite something for an outsider to listen to both sides of the story and believe he was hearing the same story. He/She may be wondering if he/she spoke to two people whom even knew one another, let alone dated. Why is there that need to paint oneself as the one without fault in a relationship and portray the other as the guilty party? As is rather common knowledge, in the vast majority of such relationships, both sides are responsible for the relationship's demise. One party may be a bit more responsible than the other and in rare scenarios, one party may be fully (or close to it) responsible, but in most cases, about 50% of guilt can be bestowed upon both parties.
I just learned a couple months ago that a woman I wasn't even dating, but one whom was interested in dating me and I not in her, told her story to friends that I was the sole reason things didn't work out between she and I. I didn't tell any stories, because we never dated. I didn't feel the need to tell people about a relationship in which I was never interested to begin with. Perhaps she just wanted to convince herself that she was not responsible in any sense of the word for what occurred (or didn't occur) between the two of us and she was able to do this (or at least try) by slanting the story.
Another problem may be the fact that while some people have a strong ability to be empathetic, it's virtually impossible to know exactly what another person is thinking or feeling. We're only genuinely in tune with ourselves. So, when telling a story about a fallen relationship, perhaps it has more to do with only being able to see things from our perspective and not the other, or putting blinders on and refusing to look at things from the other person's perspective.
A friend of this lady, whom wanted to date me, contacted me a few months ago, has sprung some information upon me in the last month or two and even though she heard the slanted stories by my former friend, she said she always believed I wasn't to blame for things not working. Why? Because she knew this woman was lying to me on a pretty regular basis and repeating what I told her in private to her friends. She was also quite promiscuous and consistently displayed contradictions in how she claimed to have felt for me with her actions which suggested otherwise.
Even taking all that into consideration, I'm not going to stand here (sit, I suppose) and claim that I was perfect. I made some mistakes, just like anyone. When I look back on things, there are a couple moments I wish I had handled differently. But, I'm also not going to sit around and be made to feel entirely guilty due to this woman's slanted picture of me that she's painted to others. Just as I had some fault during our friendship/relationship, so did she and as her once close friend said to me, "It was mainly her fault. Nothing you said or did was the primary reason things didn't work." I'll take her friend's word over this former friend of mine, especially since she gabbed to her friend quite repeatedly that I was fully to blame.
It'd be quite something for an outsider to listen to both sides of the story and believe he was hearing the same story. He/She may be wondering if he/she spoke to two people whom even knew one another, let alone dated. Why is there that need to paint oneself as the one without fault in a relationship and portray the other as the guilty party? As is rather common knowledge, in the vast majority of such relationships, both sides are responsible for the relationship's demise. One party may be a bit more responsible than the other and in rare scenarios, one party may be fully (or close to it) responsible, but in most cases, about 50% of guilt can be bestowed upon both parties.
I just learned a couple months ago that a woman I wasn't even dating, but one whom was interested in dating me and I not in her, told her story to friends that I was the sole reason things didn't work out between she and I. I didn't tell any stories, because we never dated. I didn't feel the need to tell people about a relationship in which I was never interested to begin with. Perhaps she just wanted to convince herself that she was not responsible in any sense of the word for what occurred (or didn't occur) between the two of us and she was able to do this (or at least try) by slanting the story.
Another problem may be the fact that while some people have a strong ability to be empathetic, it's virtually impossible to know exactly what another person is thinking or feeling. We're only genuinely in tune with ourselves. So, when telling a story about a fallen relationship, perhaps it has more to do with only being able to see things from our perspective and not the other, or putting blinders on and refusing to look at things from the other person's perspective.
A friend of this lady, whom wanted to date me, contacted me a few months ago, has sprung some information upon me in the last month or two and even though she heard the slanted stories by my former friend, she said she always believed I wasn't to blame for things not working. Why? Because she knew this woman was lying to me on a pretty regular basis and repeating what I told her in private to her friends. She was also quite promiscuous and consistently displayed contradictions in how she claimed to have felt for me with her actions which suggested otherwise.
Even taking all that into consideration, I'm not going to stand here (sit, I suppose) and claim that I was perfect. I made some mistakes, just like anyone. When I look back on things, there are a couple moments I wish I had handled differently. But, I'm also not going to sit around and be made to feel entirely guilty due to this woman's slanted picture of me that she's painted to others. Just as I had some fault during our friendship/relationship, so did she and as her once close friend said to me, "It was mainly her fault. Nothing you said or did was the primary reason things didn't work." I'll take her friend's word over this former friend of mine, especially since she gabbed to her friend quite repeatedly that I was fully to blame.
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