Setting: Monday, May 27th at Mr. John LaPierre's 11th grade math class in Washington, D.C.
Mr. LaPierre: "Okay, class. It's getting toward that time of year again - finals week. I think I'm going to go about things a little differently this year, though. What I'm going to do is take a vote. We can either have the final next Monday, June 3rd, and take the rest of this week to get ready for it, or we can have it tomorrow, May 28th, and spend the next few days just watching movies. Just write down your vote on a piece of paper and pass it up to the front - write down either tomorrow or next week. I'll then ask one person from each side of the debate to get up here and make a few points on why we should hold the final on their preferred day, and then I'll have the final say on when we do wind up having the test. Does everyone understand?"
::the class nods in unison, before writing down their votes on a piece of paper, and passing them up to the front of the class, where the teacher collects and starts tallying them::
LaPierre: "Okay, I have the final results of the vote. It appears as if 27 of you would prefer the final be held next Monday, while 3 of you would rather get it over and done with tomorrow. That's a pretty convincing vote. The 10% that voted for tomorrow will need a masterful performance by their speaker if they want to overcome the 90% that voted for next week. Is there anyone that voted for next Monday who would like to be their speaker? Yes, Poindexter Nerdom, please come up front here and give a brief explanation why you feel next Monday would be the more ideal date to take the final."
Poindexter Nerdom: "First off, next Monday is officially the start of finals week. I think most everyone in this room was expecting this final to be held sometime next week. To hold it tomorrow would likely be a surprise to most everyone in here, which would leave us more apt to being unprepared for the test. Secondly, as we wrap up our junior years, finals such as this become increasingly more important for us as we pursue different colleges across the country. This summer, I'll be visiting Princeton, Yale, Harvard, a couple schools in Vegas, and a local Burger King, so I'm feeling immense pressure to perform well on this exam, as I'm sure most of you are also. Lastly, by holding the test off until next Monday and studying the material until then, it will likely place Professor LaPierre in a better light as a teacher, because the odds of us doing better next Monday as opposed to tomorrow are very favorable. Thank you."
LaPierre: "Thank you, Poindexter. Those were all excellent points, especially that last one." ::brief awkward laugh:: "Okay, would one of the three people who voted to take the test tomorrow please come up to the front. Ah, J.T. Weed, come on up here, and whenever you're ready, please provide a brief explanation why you feel tomorrow would be the more ideal date to take the final."
J.T. Weed: "Alright, so, like, totally, right? If we like finish the exam tomorrow, we get to watch movies and stuff the rest of the time in here, you know? If the movies suck, we can probably still sleep, since we'll probably be hungover from a killer party the night before, right? For sure. That Poindexter dude doesn't know what he's talking about, man. I mean, he only cares about grades and the future. I care about sleep, parties, and the now, you know? Without tomorrow, there isn't today. Wait... I mean, without today, there isn't tomorrow or something. Yeah, that sounds about right. So, come on! Let's start our summer break early and get this English final done tomorrow, or math, or whatever it is! Peace."
LaPierre: "Thank you, J.T. You made some excellent points as well. Alright, well, we've had our vote, where 90% of you preferred next Monday to tomorrow for the test. We heard from Poindexter and J.T. on their reasons why they feel we should hold the exam either next Monday or tomorrow. I appreciate you all taking part in this democracy-like session we've had today. I hope it helps encourage you to start voting when you turn 18. As much as I love democracy, however, I think I'll have to side with J.T. and the 10% here. Yes, I know, it would probably be better for all of us if we held the test next Monday, but as you'll learn in life, sometimes your decisions don't make a lot of sense. I'm not doing this for myself and to protect my job. The scores will likely be so bad tomorrow that I'll get fired pretty soon. I'm not doing this for you and your futures either. I'm simply doing this because I've grown lazy and indifferent. I hope you all understand and give me a very positive teacher's evaluation, so I can continue teaching here all the while not caring who I'm teaching or what I'm teaching about." ::bell rings:: "Okay, that's the bell. Don't forget, your final exam will be tomorrow! Best of luck! ...and thanks again for making your voices heard and votes count!"
Mr. LaPierre: "Okay, class. It's getting toward that time of year again - finals week. I think I'm going to go about things a little differently this year, though. What I'm going to do is take a vote. We can either have the final next Monday, June 3rd, and take the rest of this week to get ready for it, or we can have it tomorrow, May 28th, and spend the next few days just watching movies. Just write down your vote on a piece of paper and pass it up to the front - write down either tomorrow or next week. I'll then ask one person from each side of the debate to get up here and make a few points on why we should hold the final on their preferred day, and then I'll have the final say on when we do wind up having the test. Does everyone understand?"
::the class nods in unison, before writing down their votes on a piece of paper, and passing them up to the front of the class, where the teacher collects and starts tallying them::
LaPierre: "Okay, I have the final results of the vote. It appears as if 27 of you would prefer the final be held next Monday, while 3 of you would rather get it over and done with tomorrow. That's a pretty convincing vote. The 10% that voted for tomorrow will need a masterful performance by their speaker if they want to overcome the 90% that voted for next week. Is there anyone that voted for next Monday who would like to be their speaker? Yes, Poindexter Nerdom, please come up front here and give a brief explanation why you feel next Monday would be the more ideal date to take the final."
Poindexter Nerdom: "First off, next Monday is officially the start of finals week. I think most everyone in this room was expecting this final to be held sometime next week. To hold it tomorrow would likely be a surprise to most everyone in here, which would leave us more apt to being unprepared for the test. Secondly, as we wrap up our junior years, finals such as this become increasingly more important for us as we pursue different colleges across the country. This summer, I'll be visiting Princeton, Yale, Harvard, a couple schools in Vegas, and a local Burger King, so I'm feeling immense pressure to perform well on this exam, as I'm sure most of you are also. Lastly, by holding the test off until next Monday and studying the material until then, it will likely place Professor LaPierre in a better light as a teacher, because the odds of us doing better next Monday as opposed to tomorrow are very favorable. Thank you."
LaPierre: "Thank you, Poindexter. Those were all excellent points, especially that last one." ::brief awkward laugh:: "Okay, would one of the three people who voted to take the test tomorrow please come up to the front. Ah, J.T. Weed, come on up here, and whenever you're ready, please provide a brief explanation why you feel tomorrow would be the more ideal date to take the final."
J.T. Weed: "Alright, so, like, totally, right? If we like finish the exam tomorrow, we get to watch movies and stuff the rest of the time in here, you know? If the movies suck, we can probably still sleep, since we'll probably be hungover from a killer party the night before, right? For sure. That Poindexter dude doesn't know what he's talking about, man. I mean, he only cares about grades and the future. I care about sleep, parties, and the now, you know? Without tomorrow, there isn't today. Wait... I mean, without today, there isn't tomorrow or something. Yeah, that sounds about right. So, come on! Let's start our summer break early and get this English final done tomorrow, or math, or whatever it is! Peace."
LaPierre: "Thank you, J.T. You made some excellent points as well. Alright, well, we've had our vote, where 90% of you preferred next Monday to tomorrow for the test. We heard from Poindexter and J.T. on their reasons why they feel we should hold the exam either next Monday or tomorrow. I appreciate you all taking part in this democracy-like session we've had today. I hope it helps encourage you to start voting when you turn 18. As much as I love democracy, however, I think I'll have to side with J.T. and the 10% here. Yes, I know, it would probably be better for all of us if we held the test next Monday, but as you'll learn in life, sometimes your decisions don't make a lot of sense. I'm not doing this for myself and to protect my job. The scores will likely be so bad tomorrow that I'll get fired pretty soon. I'm not doing this for you and your futures either. I'm simply doing this because I've grown lazy and indifferent. I hope you all understand and give me a very positive teacher's evaluation, so I can continue teaching here all the while not caring who I'm teaching or what I'm teaching about." ::bell rings:: "Okay, that's the bell. Don't forget, your final exam will be tomorrow! Best of luck! ...and thanks again for making your voices heard and votes count!"
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