#AmericansAlwaysBeLike

Late last night I saw the hashtag #AmericansAlwaysBeLike trending on Twitter, so as usual, I had some fun with it. Here are my posts, ordered from the most to the least popular (all my tweets can be viewed at this link - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki):

1) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike I'm not racist, because I talked to a guy that looked kind of tan after laying outside during the summer one time.
96 Likes, 33 Retweets

2) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike wearing a flag outfit makes one more patriotic, like wearing an Einstein costume makes one "more smarter"
74 Likes, 21 Retweets

3) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike more guns equals less gun violence just like more sex equals fewer pregnancies
20 Likes, 15 Retweets

4) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike, in order to improve this country, we must believe chain emails, ignore facts, and vote against our best interests
19 Likes, 12 Retweets

5) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike voting's stupid; let's sit at home and play Candy Crush instead.
17 Likes, 9 Retweets

6) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike "facts are like your opinion, man."
12 Likes, 3 Retweets

6) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike, for my side vegetable, I'd like some fries. Two sides? Make that a double-side of fries. Thanks.
13 Likes, 2 Retweets

8) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike deep-fried diets are the best.
10 Likes, 3 Retweets

8) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike the first rule of fight club is to like "fight club" on Facebook
10 Likes, 3 Retweets

8) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike I want the leader of our country to be a hybrid of John Belushi from "Animal House" and Chuck Norris
10 Likes, 3 Retweets

8) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike, after getting loaned $1 million from my father, "I built that" all by myself. Wait, that's just Donald J. Drumpf...
10 Likes, 3 Retweets

12) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike it's not absence that makes the heart grow fonder; it's duck lips
7 Likes, 1 Retweet

13) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike a selfie a day makes the inevitable zombie apocalypse slightly delayed
6 Likes, 1 Retweet

13) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike, on Valentine's Day, let's go to a romantic restaurant and just text each other for a while
6 Likes, 1 Retweet

15) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike you had me at "luv u 2" and some emojis
3 Likes, 3 Retweets

15) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike I don't get it. Do they teach sarcasm as a foreign language in school?
5 Likes, 1 Retweet

15) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike my dog Sh*tstorm is getting tired of the filet mignons; it's time to start serving him lobster. Where's his bib?
6 Likes, 0 Retweets

15) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike MTV always played reality shows, right? What's that "M" stand for anyway?
6 Likes, 0 Retweets

19) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike there's no workout like a walk to the fridge to grab a beer before lifting the remote control five times
4 Likes, 1 Retweet

20) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike global warming is kind of cool in the winter, but not so much in the summer
2 Likes, 1 Retweet

21) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike our kids would want old high school classmates we haven't hung out with for 20 years seeing them grow up on Facebook
1 Like, 1 Retweet

21) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike I'm slurring my words, am having to crawl to the restroom, but still think I can drink one more beer
2 Likes, 0 Retweets

23) #AmericansAlwaysBeLike, whenever I end a sentence with a proposition, I get smacked across the face
1 Like, 0 Retweets

Totals: 340 Likes, 117 Retweets (Averages of 14.8 Likes, 5.1 Retweets)