Is it just me (no response necessary, thank you) or do jobs that require public speaking of some kind treat all potential customers as idiots? Does it say on the job application, "Can you smile, be perky and spell things out for others whom aren't as mentally stable as you and keep a straight face without laughing?" Two jobs that immediately come to mind are that of being a flight attendant and a sports announcer.
Let's go with being a flight attendant first. Showing us where the exits are, as if we can't see the E-X-I-T in bright red colors, is one of the things that they point out. There's always the infamous instructions about how to put on a seat-belt. I always want to raise my hand after they explain and say, "Excuse me, but could you please explain that again? I didn't get that the first time." Nor did I need it. I think the first time I got into a car after I was born, I was able to put a seat-belt on. Put that thing in that thing, oh, and then push on that to release that thing from that thing. Very technical stuff, I know. Then there's always the hypothetical mumbo jumbo. If there is an emergency water landing, then you take out the cushion you're sitting on and you can float on it. How comforting is that? I think I'd feel safer just swimming back to the coast than to float on an airplane seat. Oh, and I love how your seats have to be in a full and upright position. Have you noticed how slight those differences are? Oh, yes, those 14 millimeters are going to be a difference between someone's life and death in case of an accident.
"The man was said to not have his seat in the full, upright and locked position on the flight, and that was the cause of his death. Due to this, no charges will be made against the airline."
I'm quite into sports and have thought about going into sports analysis. College football is my favorite sport event to watch. Some of the things announcers say make me laugh hysterically. I mean, who watches football? People who don't own a television set, were just taken out of a mother's womb or cavemen? No, people who enjoy the sport and know something about it.
I understand updates after commercials or right before commercials, "And we have a 21-17 game with 3:42 left in the third quarter. We'll be back right after this."
That, I can understand. But how about this, for you football lovers out there, "1st-and-10 from the 20-yard line. The quarterback drops back, is pressured. He can't find anyone open, pulls the ball down and tries to run with it. Oh, and he is leveled after a two-yard gain. That will bring up 2nd-and-8 from the 22- yard line."
Okay, now forgive me, but do they think we all need calculators and can't figure that out for ourselves? No first down on first down, so what comes next? Ah, second down, that's right! That always confused me. Two yards on the down, so what's ten minus two? Eight last time I checked, but things in the mathematical world are always changing or something. Then add two to twenty (20-yard line) and what's that make? Twenty-two.
Here's what I would be saying if I were announcer, "He gained two yards on first down and ten from the twenty, so for you mathematically-challenged fans out there, that will make it second down and eight from the twenty-two."
Sometimes these announcers are way off and appear to need calculators, "It was 3rd-and-5. He picked up four yards and I think he got the first down."
Or I love it when they explain to viewers the highly technical concept known as extra points and field goal-kicking. If the ball goes through the uprights, it's good and if not, it's no good. It's as simple as that.
They have to be all dramatic about it as well, "And the kick is up. And, and, it issssssssss gooooood! Split the uprights! What a kick!"
The announcers that crack me up the most have to be the ones doing the greens in golf. They whisper, like they're in a library or something of that nature. I'd love to see a loud, profane guy doing the announcing for that. That'd be a little more entertaining and would spice up the golf world I think, as he would say, "He's got about a 45-foot putt. I just made a bet with him that if he doesn't make it, then I get to take his wife out tonight. This is at a tough angle. I think he's shit out of luck on this one and that I‘ll be getting lucky tonight." Then, as the golfer is about to putt, the announcer would try to distract him by saying, "Miss it! Miss it! I need to get laid! I’ve got my magnums in my giant safe at home and they’re ready, as am I!"
Golf is a sport that I watch when I want to get a good nap in the afternoon. XFL was a pretty lame idea for an exciting sport like football, but for a sport like golf? Hey, they could use a bit of that.
Goals in hockey go by ones and the announcers will tell us that who knows how many times, "The Detroit Red Wings were down 3-2 to the Dallas Stars, but have just tied this one up at 3-3."
Really? I thought that after a certain amount of goals were scored by each team, then the worth of each goal escalated. Basketball is a little trickier, going by ones, twos and threes. Sometimes they'll even be confused and say, "And there's the shot, and it's good. They are now up by 2. Wait, was that a two or a three? Was his foot behind the line?" Just look at the scoreboard, buddy. Do what the folks at home are doing. Football has to be the trickiest, as teams can score by ones, twos, threes and sixes. A person must need some kind of math degree in order to become a football announcer.
It just amazes me, how announcers spell everything out for us. It's not like the television just came out last year or these sports were just invented in 2002. If there are rule changes, then that's fine and understandable, but the field goal being worth three points and after a team makes one from being at 14 and going up to 17, that's nothing new. Perhaps they're using their calculators there and are just spelling everything out for themselves. Whatever it is, it drives me nuts.
Some announcers also feel that they have control over things they don't. They begin to suffer from delusions of grandeur. Ever hear announcers talking about how they jinx players? I see it all the time.
"Justin Verlander comes into this game having thrown 47 straight shut-out innings. He got the first two out, so make that 47 2/3 shut-out innings. Now up to the plate is Alex Rodriguez. Verlander throws his fastball on the inside part of the plate and Rodriguez turns on this baby! It could be! It is! Gone! Home run and the streak is over! We always have to do that, don't we? We put up a statistic of a streak going on and it ends right then and there. I swear, we jinx the players."
Okay, I'm sorry to spoil your guys' fun, but there's no such thing as a streak that lasts forever. Streaks come to an end. Cal Ripken, Jr.'s streak of consecutive games played came to an end. The Chicago Cubs will eventually end their streak of not winning a World Series. The last time they won one was in 1908. One day, that streak is going to come to an end and not because of certain announcers that call the game. Are they going to keep statistics of what team's records are when certain announcers are doing the game?
"The Seattle Mariners are a perfect 8-0 this year when Jon Miller and Joe Morgan do their games. That indeed plays in their favor."
Jon and Joe do a great job of calling the games, but their presence in the booth is not going to make a difference in who comes out victorious.
Let's go with being a flight attendant first. Showing us where the exits are, as if we can't see the E-X-I-T in bright red colors, is one of the things that they point out. There's always the infamous instructions about how to put on a seat-belt. I always want to raise my hand after they explain and say, "Excuse me, but could you please explain that again? I didn't get that the first time." Nor did I need it. I think the first time I got into a car after I was born, I was able to put a seat-belt on. Put that thing in that thing, oh, and then push on that to release that thing from that thing. Very technical stuff, I know. Then there's always the hypothetical mumbo jumbo. If there is an emergency water landing, then you take out the cushion you're sitting on and you can float on it. How comforting is that? I think I'd feel safer just swimming back to the coast than to float on an airplane seat. Oh, and I love how your seats have to be in a full and upright position. Have you noticed how slight those differences are? Oh, yes, those 14 millimeters are going to be a difference between someone's life and death in case of an accident.
"The man was said to not have his seat in the full, upright and locked position on the flight, and that was the cause of his death. Due to this, no charges will be made against the airline."
I'm quite into sports and have thought about going into sports analysis. College football is my favorite sport event to watch. Some of the things announcers say make me laugh hysterically. I mean, who watches football? People who don't own a television set, were just taken out of a mother's womb or cavemen? No, people who enjoy the sport and know something about it.
I understand updates after commercials or right before commercials, "And we have a 21-17 game with 3:42 left in the third quarter. We'll be back right after this."
That, I can understand. But how about this, for you football lovers out there, "1st-and-10 from the 20-yard line. The quarterback drops back, is pressured. He can't find anyone open, pulls the ball down and tries to run with it. Oh, and he is leveled after a two-yard gain. That will bring up 2nd-and-8 from the 22- yard line."
Okay, now forgive me, but do they think we all need calculators and can't figure that out for ourselves? No first down on first down, so what comes next? Ah, second down, that's right! That always confused me. Two yards on the down, so what's ten minus two? Eight last time I checked, but things in the mathematical world are always changing or something. Then add two to twenty (20-yard line) and what's that make? Twenty-two.
Here's what I would be saying if I were announcer, "He gained two yards on first down and ten from the twenty, so for you mathematically-challenged fans out there, that will make it second down and eight from the twenty-two."
Sometimes these announcers are way off and appear to need calculators, "It was 3rd-and-5. He picked up four yards and I think he got the first down."
Or I love it when they explain to viewers the highly technical concept known as extra points and field goal-kicking. If the ball goes through the uprights, it's good and if not, it's no good. It's as simple as that.
They have to be all dramatic about it as well, "And the kick is up. And, and, it issssssssss gooooood! Split the uprights! What a kick!"
The announcers that crack me up the most have to be the ones doing the greens in golf. They whisper, like they're in a library or something of that nature. I'd love to see a loud, profane guy doing the announcing for that. That'd be a little more entertaining and would spice up the golf world I think, as he would say, "He's got about a 45-foot putt. I just made a bet with him that if he doesn't make it, then I get to take his wife out tonight. This is at a tough angle. I think he's shit out of luck on this one and that I‘ll be getting lucky tonight." Then, as the golfer is about to putt, the announcer would try to distract him by saying, "Miss it! Miss it! I need to get laid! I’ve got my magnums in my giant safe at home and they’re ready, as am I!"
Golf is a sport that I watch when I want to get a good nap in the afternoon. XFL was a pretty lame idea for an exciting sport like football, but for a sport like golf? Hey, they could use a bit of that.
Goals in hockey go by ones and the announcers will tell us that who knows how many times, "The Detroit Red Wings were down 3-2 to the Dallas Stars, but have just tied this one up at 3-3."
Really? I thought that after a certain amount of goals were scored by each team, then the worth of each goal escalated. Basketball is a little trickier, going by ones, twos and threes. Sometimes they'll even be confused and say, "And there's the shot, and it's good. They are now up by 2. Wait, was that a two or a three? Was his foot behind the line?" Just look at the scoreboard, buddy. Do what the folks at home are doing. Football has to be the trickiest, as teams can score by ones, twos, threes and sixes. A person must need some kind of math degree in order to become a football announcer.
It just amazes me, how announcers spell everything out for us. It's not like the television just came out last year or these sports were just invented in 2002. If there are rule changes, then that's fine and understandable, but the field goal being worth three points and after a team makes one from being at 14 and going up to 17, that's nothing new. Perhaps they're using their calculators there and are just spelling everything out for themselves. Whatever it is, it drives me nuts.
Some announcers also feel that they have control over things they don't. They begin to suffer from delusions of grandeur. Ever hear announcers talking about how they jinx players? I see it all the time.
"Justin Verlander comes into this game having thrown 47 straight shut-out innings. He got the first two out, so make that 47 2/3 shut-out innings. Now up to the plate is Alex Rodriguez. Verlander throws his fastball on the inside part of the plate and Rodriguez turns on this baby! It could be! It is! Gone! Home run and the streak is over! We always have to do that, don't we? We put up a statistic of a streak going on and it ends right then and there. I swear, we jinx the players."
Okay, I'm sorry to spoil your guys' fun, but there's no such thing as a streak that lasts forever. Streaks come to an end. Cal Ripken, Jr.'s streak of consecutive games played came to an end. The Chicago Cubs will eventually end their streak of not winning a World Series. The last time they won one was in 1908. One day, that streak is going to come to an end and not because of certain announcers that call the game. Are they going to keep statistics of what team's records are when certain announcers are doing the game?
"The Seattle Mariners are a perfect 8-0 this year when Jon Miller and Joe Morgan do their games. That indeed plays in their favor."
Jon and Joe do a great job of calling the games, but their presence in the booth is not going to make a difference in who comes out victorious.
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