I wrote a theory about this a while back in the blog entitled "Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys". I said then that it seemed to me women perhaps liked having the challenge of shaping up the bad boy and if (and when) things went wrong, she'd have the nice guy with whom to talk. This way, she gets to keep both the boyfriend and the friend. If she went about it the other way and dated the nice guy, do you really think the bad boy would play the role of nice guy and listen to her vent? Although, what would she have to vent about? Vent about not having anything to vent about? Do people really do that?
I wrote that theory from careful observation, good listening and of course, first-hand experience. I bumped into another situation like this a while ago. A person I know has a history of dating guys who are jerks, to be nice (no pun intended). So, a guy whom she claimed was "very nice" and "very easy to talk to" asked if they could go out sometime and she declined and why? Because she just saw him as a friend. Although, that's a cop out, as I've mentioned in another blog of mine, properly entitled "Cop Outs."
So, from there, I actually went on to ask some females why this was. Why do females seem so compelled to the jerks and only see the nice guys as friends? Well, from the ladies that got back to me on that, it seems my initial theory may have been fairly accurate. The two answers I heard most often were that: 1) She doesn't have very high self-esteem, so she doesn't feel she deserves a good guy and 2) She sees him as a challenge. Either way, the female has to push extra hard in order to make things work. If she's down on herself, she'll put forth the extra effort just to make sure her boyfriend is happy and so she isn't single. In the other scenario, she'll have to try extra hard, because the guy doesn't give her a lot of attention, doesn't talk to her much, seems unavailable at times and this makes her try even harder to garner his attention. As one lady said to me, to paraphrase, ladies like the thought of changing these guys, taming them or having the guys all to themselves. As she said, it's destined to be a manipulative relationship.
So, what is dating like to these girls? A guy buying an old beat-up automobile and with time, money and parts, fixing it up to his liking? Does the same thinking go into this as well? The guy's logic might be that, in time, he'll be saving a lot of money by fixing this cheap old car up than buying a new one? Heck, he might even be able to sell it for a decent amount. Do ladies think that way with guys? In time, after fixing him up to her liking, he'll be saving her a lot of time, money and heartache than just going with the good guy? I might understand that with the cars, but not with people, sorry.
When ladies say they don't want drama, want a guy who is nice, close to his family, likes kids, amongst many other things that make him resemble the stereotypical "nice guy," what's she really saying?
"He can't be dramatic at all. I hate drama."- Oh, how I want my relationship to be like that on a soap opera.
"He can't carry much baggage with him."- He'll be no problem. I do the trash every week. I can take care of his too.
"I want him to be nice, kind, you know, that sort of thing."- I want him to be nice once in a while. If he opens the doors for me, gives me flowers, compliments me, dances with me, takes me to one of my favorite romance movies and does this all in one night? That's just too much for me.
"I have to be able to talk to him. Some of my ex-boyfriends would just nod and smile, not listening to anything I had to say!"- As long as he pretends he's listening and says "Uh-huh" or "Yeah" every now and again, then that's good enough for me.
I guess that's it. It's time to go a different route, because this one certainly isn't working. Ladies may tell the nice guy that she wishes her jerk of a boyfriend was more like him, but does she really mean that? Part of her might. But I'll only believe that if and when she dates that other guy. Until then, they'll just be meaningless words. That's all the good guy provides for these ladies it seems like - meaningless words.
I wrote that theory from careful observation, good listening and of course, first-hand experience. I bumped into another situation like this a while ago. A person I know has a history of dating guys who are jerks, to be nice (no pun intended). So, a guy whom she claimed was "very nice" and "very easy to talk to" asked if they could go out sometime and she declined and why? Because she just saw him as a friend. Although, that's a cop out, as I've mentioned in another blog of mine, properly entitled "Cop Outs."
So, from there, I actually went on to ask some females why this was. Why do females seem so compelled to the jerks and only see the nice guys as friends? Well, from the ladies that got back to me on that, it seems my initial theory may have been fairly accurate. The two answers I heard most often were that: 1) She doesn't have very high self-esteem, so she doesn't feel she deserves a good guy and 2) She sees him as a challenge. Either way, the female has to push extra hard in order to make things work. If she's down on herself, she'll put forth the extra effort just to make sure her boyfriend is happy and so she isn't single. In the other scenario, she'll have to try extra hard, because the guy doesn't give her a lot of attention, doesn't talk to her much, seems unavailable at times and this makes her try even harder to garner his attention. As one lady said to me, to paraphrase, ladies like the thought of changing these guys, taming them or having the guys all to themselves. As she said, it's destined to be a manipulative relationship.
So, what is dating like to these girls? A guy buying an old beat-up automobile and with time, money and parts, fixing it up to his liking? Does the same thinking go into this as well? The guy's logic might be that, in time, he'll be saving a lot of money by fixing this cheap old car up than buying a new one? Heck, he might even be able to sell it for a decent amount. Do ladies think that way with guys? In time, after fixing him up to her liking, he'll be saving her a lot of time, money and heartache than just going with the good guy? I might understand that with the cars, but not with people, sorry.
When ladies say they don't want drama, want a guy who is nice, close to his family, likes kids, amongst many other things that make him resemble the stereotypical "nice guy," what's she really saying?
"He can't be dramatic at all. I hate drama."- Oh, how I want my relationship to be like that on a soap opera.
"He can't carry much baggage with him."- He'll be no problem. I do the trash every week. I can take care of his too.
"I want him to be nice, kind, you know, that sort of thing."- I want him to be nice once in a while. If he opens the doors for me, gives me flowers, compliments me, dances with me, takes me to one of my favorite romance movies and does this all in one night? That's just too much for me.
"I have to be able to talk to him. Some of my ex-boyfriends would just nod and smile, not listening to anything I had to say!"- As long as he pretends he's listening and says "Uh-huh" or "Yeah" every now and again, then that's good enough for me.
I guess that's it. It's time to go a different route, because this one certainly isn't working. Ladies may tell the nice guy that she wishes her jerk of a boyfriend was more like him, but does she really mean that? Part of her might. But I'll only believe that if and when she dates that other guy. Until then, they'll just be meaningless words. That's all the good guy provides for these ladies it seems like - meaningless words.
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