I had a rather surreal experience over the weekend. Before I delve into what happened, I'll provide some backstory.
In 1996, when I was 15 years old and a sophomore in high school, I was introduced to a musician, via 101.9 The Edge in Omaha, who actually spoke to me. That musician was none other than Marilyn Manson. You can read the more detailed reason(s) why his music and interviews connected with me in a blog I'll provide here in parentheses (https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/2021/01/how-music-saved-my-life.html), but I'll now give you the condensed version of events.
In the summer of '89, when I was just 8 years old, a babysitter, big-brother type, and I thought friend stopped by to play Ice Hockey with me on the original Nintendo. My mom was away at Vacation Bible School; my brother was at a friend's; and my dad was in the basement, watching television. While my babysitter and I were playing the game, I won't go into details here, but he sexually abused me. When he heard my father walking around downstairs, he placed a knife to my throat and told me I better not tell anyone. Even today I'd take that as a death-threat, but when I was 8? All I knew was that I was scared shitless, so my survival instincts kicked in, and I basically went from an extroverted, confident, popular, happy-go-lucky kid, to introverted, insecure, invisible, and depressed. In conjunction with that, I was riddled with epilepsy since I was a toddler. While I was placed on medication to combat my seizures, not long after I was removed from said medication did I start suffering from them again. Only this time, I tried to hide them. It was about needing to feel some semblance of control in my life. Ever since I was abused, I felt no control. I felt alone, helpless, corrupted, different, and wrong. I felt I couldn't say anything, because then I'd be killed. So, I just kept to myself. For years. When I was in school, I was mum. When I was at home, I was sleeping. Everyday, I wished my life had been a dream and one day I'd finally wake up. Sadly, it was no dream and the nightmare stuck with me day after day.
I tried to deny the horrific realities to myself, but couldn't when I reached my teenage years and was fronted by a host of changes beyond my control. When I went to church with my mother, my feelings of hope and love shifted to anger and hate. I went from saved to scarred, baptized to blasphemous, certain to doubtful. I no longer felt God's love; I felt betrayed. Long had I been told, "God has a plan for all of us." Once again, no control, and frankly I didn't like his plan for me. How could a benevolent God put a child through such suffering? The Bible no longer spoke to me. All I heard were falsehoods, contradictions, and fantasies. Yet, through all this, I felt bad - like I was in the wrong for sowing doubt, feeling different, for what was done to me. In a downward spiral I traveled, to the point where I placed a knife to my own throat, no longer wanting to feel the fear of the knife of my babysitter. But I never finished the job.
In the fall of '96, after my mom picked a few buddies of mine and I up from school, I turned on 101.9 The Edge. Right when the opening beat hit, my friends and I started bobbing our heads - loving the dark, rocking sounds before us. What was this seemingly earth-shattering song? We soon came to find out it was "The Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson, from his forthcoming album, Antichrist Superstar. To that point, I had only sparingly heard about Manson - mainly from his Eurythmics' cover of "Sweet Dreams." From that point onward, however, I was hooked.
Immediately after the album was released, I asked my father if he could purchase it from Best Buy. He looked at the title and said, "I don't know if your mom is going to approve, but I'll see what I can do." Spoiler alert: He got it. Right after returning home on that Saturday night, I placed in the CD; put on my headphones; and for the next 77 1/2 minutes, I was completely mesmerized. It was as though all my pent-up doubts, anger, and shame were brought to light - like someone understood me and didn't judge, and I felt a rebirth.
I then began reading interviews of Manson's, which were often quite insightful. It felt as though he was directly speaking to broken souls like mine, and telling me to accept myself as is; embrace my creativity and flaws; to always question authority; and fight for what's right.
With an album titled Antichrist Superstar, of course there was going to be controversy, and I often felt that first-hand. From the Omaha mayor at the time telling parents to not attend Manson's concert (I did anyway) to being judged for supporting the man and band to Bible-thumpers sermonizing to my mother for allowing me to attend said concert, Marilyn Manson oddly brought many hidden realities to the forefront. This was nowhere clearer than around Christmas, 1997, when I was attending a Detroit Pistons game with my mom and other family in Michigan. An uncle of mine, who was sitting next to me, said, "I noticed a Marilyn Manson hat in your backpack and wanted to talk to you about him and his message" (no, I'm still not certain what he was doing looking through my backpack). I motioned toward my mother, who was sitting to the other side of me, and she told her younger brother, "He and I have already discussed matters. Nothing more needs to be added, thank you." For as tentative as my mother was on Marilyn Manson and Antichrist Superstar at first, she could see how the artist and album had positively impacted me and defended me, regarding the matter, to the end.
Fast-forward 27 years. This past weekend, I was just told - by my mother, no less - that my uncle was a MAGA. For those unfamiliar with the acronym, it stands for "Make America Great Again," which has been Donald Trump's main slogan since the inception of his first presidential campaign. At this, I had to laugh. No matter what one may think about Marilyn Manson as a musician or a person, his music literally saved my life, and I know I'm not the only one. He touched the souls of the broken; made us feel okay to be different; and kept us from ending things before they really got started. Antichrist Superstar was essentially a satire of Jesus Christ Superstar, where a being attempts to save the world, but the world doesn't want to be saved, and instead transform him into the antichrist. When I listen to the record, or so much as read the lyrics to it today, one man springs to mind - Donald Trump. I'm not saying he's the actual antichrist, if there even is such a thing, but he is literally anti- everything Christ. In the album's opening track - "Irresponsible Hate Anthem" - it begins with a cult-like people chanting, "We hate love, we love hate!" This is MAGA through and through. Like the genius of Mike Judge's film, Idiocracy, it sadly now feels like Marilyn Manson's album, Antichrist Superstar, was a prophetic vision.
Donald Trump is a 34x-convicted felon. Donald Trump is facing up to 54 additional felonies. Donald Trump was found liable for fraud, defamation (twice), and rape. Donald Trump ran a scam university. Donald Trump stole from children's charities. Donald Trump alleged raped an ex-wife. Donald Trump allegedly raped a 13-year-old girl. Donald Trump lied over 30,000 times in the 4 years he was in office. Donald Trump was documented to having regularly walked in on underage girls dressing and undressing at Miss Teen USA pageants. Donald Trump wants to bang his own daughter. Donald Trump is sexist, racist, xenophobic, and transphobic. Donald Trump is a malignant narcissist. Donald Trump is a false idol. Donald Trump is hate. Donald Trump is the literal embodiment of Marilyn Manson's Antichrist Superstar.
Twenty-seven years ago, my uncle tried to lecture me about listening to an album called Antichrist Superstar. Twenty-seven years later, perhaps I need to lecture him about the modern-day protagonist of said album, the one for whom he intends to vote to lead this country.
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