While I care as much/little about who the Cardinals (not those swinging bats in St. Louis) chose to be the new Pope as I do about who Justin Bieber is dating and whether or not his date is inflatable, I will be the first to admit that the word "Pope" is a fun one. So, given that, here are ten Pope-ish ideas for the future:
10. The Pope Show - Based off the Marilyn Manson song "The Dope Show," the shock rocker will sport the mitre he's worn in music videos and concerts alike to make the Pope rock harder than Moses in a Coldplay video!
9. Corn Popes - There's nothing quite like cereal named after the Pope. If you thought the regular Corn Pops were delicious, just wait until you try Corn Popes! They're delicious, nutritious, and help guys get all the b**ches!
8. Soda Pope - Nothing screams caffeine like soda in the Pope's name! Whenever someone mentions the Pope, the first thing that springs to mind is a young, bubbly person, full of energy and life! Don't do the Dew, and forget what the doctor ordered! Spring yourself to life with some Pope juice!
7. Popecorn - What does movie theater popcorn + holy butter = ? Popecorn! There's nothing quite like watching Brokeback Mountain or Debbie Does Dallas while eating Popecorn! Watch a sinful movie and eat fatty food that will rid you of your sins! This is only possible with Popecorn! ...and confession, and prayer, and all that other crap...
6. Pope-Tarts - Did the alarm clock fail you again? Hit the snooze button six too many times? In a rush to get to work without much time to make breakfast? Well, rush no more! Introducing Pope-Tarts! Get a tasty breakfast quick and easy with Pope-Tarts! Eat it in your car without any risk of getting the stare-down by a doughnut-eating officer! Feel your stomach get upset not long after while stuck in rush-hour traffic! Fight the urge, before giving into it, of pulling the car over onto the shoulder before running out and crapping in the woods! Let the Pope bless your morning, bless your mouth, bless your stomach, and bless your anus with Pope-Tarts! Buy them today! Imodium sold separately...
5. Pope and Change -What's the first word that people think of when asked about 76-year old men? If Family Feud: Fictional Edition is any guide, the answer is change. With the Pope comes hope and change - hope that he will be able to make it to 80 without needing to get changed by a nurse on a regular basis. Hope alongside the Pope and perhaps you too won't need to get changed for a few years as well! Pope and change is always a winning slogan - just ask President Obama!
4. Popey Longstocking -Sure, the Catholic church has had some image problems when it comes to the young people in recent years - boys in particular. What better way to improve that image than with a new children's book series? Introducing Popey Longstocking. Like Pippi, the 76-year old Popey has great physical strength, has trouble growing up, and is full of adventure! Read about Popey sitting on his chair and raising his hand to wave twice a day, take only three naps a day over the weekends, and forget who he is because he's so lost in his own imagination he calls Alzheimer's! Read about this and so much more in the Popey Longstocking series! It'll make you wish you were a much younger version of the Pope!
3. Snap, Crackle, and Pope - Experience the magic that so many people are talking about! Start your morning off right with Rice Krispies cereal! No longer is it all about the snap, crackle, and pop of yesteryear. It's now all about the snap, crackle, and Pope! Just pour your cereal in a bowl, greet it with milk, and listen to the snapping and crackling, before you hear an old man speaking in Latin! Listen to a sermon you can't understand, all while filling your hunger and being a kid again, with Rice Krispies - snap, crackle, and Pope!
2. Pope Goes the Weasel - In continuing to try and improve relations with the younger generations, Catholics will now start singing the nursery rhyme Pope Goes the Weasel. Weekly, the Pope himself will lead this nation in the singing of this song. What could be creepier than a 76-year old man singing about Pope-ing a weasel to little kids? I haven't the slightest idea, but if possible, the Pope and his minions will find a way to accomplish that grand feat!
1. Once You Pope, You Can't Stop-e - What do the words poet, sex symbol, and addiction have in common? If you said Jim Morrison, you were wrong, but if you said Pope, you were right on the money! Why do women constantly fan themselves when in his godly presence? Why when looking at the man just once, is it virtually impossible to look away? Why is it that when looking at the Pope sporting his robe and mitre do 76% of men and women secretly wonder to themselves, "I wonder what he looks like underneath all of that."? The man makes people faint with his words that they don't understand! He gives people the ultimate fornication challenge, making them want him even more! The man has an addictive quality similar to cigarettes. While nic-fits can get quite nasty and lead people to smoke again, those are nothing compares to Pope-fits. Yes, like Pringles, once you Pope, you can't...stop-e.
10. The Pope Show - Based off the Marilyn Manson song "The Dope Show," the shock rocker will sport the mitre he's worn in music videos and concerts alike to make the Pope rock harder than Moses in a Coldplay video!
9. Corn Popes - There's nothing quite like cereal named after the Pope. If you thought the regular Corn Pops were delicious, just wait until you try Corn Popes! They're delicious, nutritious, and help guys get all the b**ches!
8. Soda Pope - Nothing screams caffeine like soda in the Pope's name! Whenever someone mentions the Pope, the first thing that springs to mind is a young, bubbly person, full of energy and life! Don't do the Dew, and forget what the doctor ordered! Spring yourself to life with some Pope juice!
7. Popecorn - What does movie theater popcorn + holy butter = ? Popecorn! There's nothing quite like watching Brokeback Mountain or Debbie Does Dallas while eating Popecorn! Watch a sinful movie and eat fatty food that will rid you of your sins! This is only possible with Popecorn! ...and confession, and prayer, and all that other crap...
6. Pope-Tarts - Did the alarm clock fail you again? Hit the snooze button six too many times? In a rush to get to work without much time to make breakfast? Well, rush no more! Introducing Pope-Tarts! Get a tasty breakfast quick and easy with Pope-Tarts! Eat it in your car without any risk of getting the stare-down by a doughnut-eating officer! Feel your stomach get upset not long after while stuck in rush-hour traffic! Fight the urge, before giving into it, of pulling the car over onto the shoulder before running out and crapping in the woods! Let the Pope bless your morning, bless your mouth, bless your stomach, and bless your anus with Pope-Tarts! Buy them today! Imodium sold separately...
5. Pope and Change -What's the first word that people think of when asked about 76-year old men? If Family Feud: Fictional Edition is any guide, the answer is change. With the Pope comes hope and change - hope that he will be able to make it to 80 without needing to get changed by a nurse on a regular basis. Hope alongside the Pope and perhaps you too won't need to get changed for a few years as well! Pope and change is always a winning slogan - just ask President Obama!
4. Popey Longstocking -Sure, the Catholic church has had some image problems when it comes to the young people in recent years - boys in particular. What better way to improve that image than with a new children's book series? Introducing Popey Longstocking. Like Pippi, the 76-year old Popey has great physical strength, has trouble growing up, and is full of adventure! Read about Popey sitting on his chair and raising his hand to wave twice a day, take only three naps a day over the weekends, and forget who he is because he's so lost in his own imagination he calls Alzheimer's! Read about this and so much more in the Popey Longstocking series! It'll make you wish you were a much younger version of the Pope!
3. Snap, Crackle, and Pope - Experience the magic that so many people are talking about! Start your morning off right with Rice Krispies cereal! No longer is it all about the snap, crackle, and pop of yesteryear. It's now all about the snap, crackle, and Pope! Just pour your cereal in a bowl, greet it with milk, and listen to the snapping and crackling, before you hear an old man speaking in Latin! Listen to a sermon you can't understand, all while filling your hunger and being a kid again, with Rice Krispies - snap, crackle, and Pope!
2. Pope Goes the Weasel - In continuing to try and improve relations with the younger generations, Catholics will now start singing the nursery rhyme Pope Goes the Weasel. Weekly, the Pope himself will lead this nation in the singing of this song. What could be creepier than a 76-year old man singing about Pope-ing a weasel to little kids? I haven't the slightest idea, but if possible, the Pope and his minions will find a way to accomplish that grand feat!
1. Once You Pope, You Can't Stop-e - What do the words poet, sex symbol, and addiction have in common? If you said Jim Morrison, you were wrong, but if you said Pope, you were right on the money! Why do women constantly fan themselves when in his godly presence? Why when looking at the man just once, is it virtually impossible to look away? Why is it that when looking at the Pope sporting his robe and mitre do 76% of men and women secretly wonder to themselves, "I wonder what he looks like underneath all of that."? The man makes people faint with his words that they don't understand! He gives people the ultimate fornication challenge, making them want him even more! The man has an addictive quality similar to cigarettes. While nic-fits can get quite nasty and lead people to smoke again, those are nothing compares to Pope-fits. Yes, like Pringles, once you Pope, you can't...stop-e.
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